I am one of those people who believe it is alright to get married right from your parents’ house. Some think otherwise and that’s fine… But you would agree with me that whether you are moving away soon or have moved away or never intend to move away until you get married, parent/child conflicts are almost unavoidable.
Now, God does instruct us to honor our parents. At the same time, at different instances in our lives, we want different things from what our parents want for us and we tend to be rebellious. However, I would like for us to place less emphasis on who does what wrongly and place more on how we handle it.
I do believe that God has given us golden nuggets in His word on how to handle just about any life situation.
- First, you need to realize that irrespective of how they don’t seem to understand you or how old-schooled they are or how seemingly burdening their demands are – They do all of this from a place of love.
Never forget that! They may not get the how, but trust me they have the best interests at heart.
Anytime, I am tempted to get angry or rebel against my parents, I remember this. Now, trust me a lot of times it doesn’t seem like that at all, but make yourself believe that. So long as they aren’t asking you to go against God and so long as what they are asking of you won’t kill you, then just bear this in mind and it makes the ride easier.
When I was a little girl, my mom always picked my church wear for me till I was almost a teenager and some Sundays I thought her choice is absolutely not cool. I would argue silently (My dad’s cane was always close by) and frown all the way to church. One day, I thought to myself, “Mommy really won’t watch me wear trash to church. It would not be something other people would see and laugh and even if they do, Mommy thinks it is alright, then maybe it is…” That mindset helped a whole lot even till now.
- Secondly, Remember you would one day be a parent and no matter how cool you intend to be, you would not always be on the same page with your children. That is simply because: you are more experienced and you know a lot more than they do, so many times they don’t see things your way simply because they can’t! So it is with us too… Imagine you are your own child; think up a way to go about the situation other than rebellion.
- Thirdly, remember God is interested in every detail of your life, every single detail including your relationships.
He is always there to help, all you need to do is ask Him to take control and get out of the way for Him to do what only Him can.
So many times, I have been asked to do certain things that I don’t want to, not because they are wrong or against God’s standards but because I don’t think they are cool, many times I pray and ask God to help my dad see things my way. I later learnt that was a biased prayer and then I started asking God to help me honor Him in my actions even in my in my relationship with my parents.
Many times, before I would pray, God would touch their hearts and make them see things my way. Other times it would be God touching me and making me see things their way. Learn to always ask God for wisdom sincerely to honor Him in your relationship with your parents.
- Also, it’s alright to be wronged. It is alright for your parents to have their way sometimes even if it is at your own expense. It is perfectly okay to turn the other cheek.
Sometimes, your parents are wrong in their actions before God and man. They are human too, they may get it wrong. But like Jesus in Philippians 2, allow others before yourself even when you know they are wrong and you deserve better.
It is important to also see it as a training ground that it really is. There’s no getting away from authority. You would get married one day or work a job or serve in a ministry… There would always be some form of authority you are under. Let’s just say learning how not to slam the door in your parents’ face regardless would help you when your boss wakes up on the bad side of bed and picks on you anyhow.
- Finally, know this: Rebellion is a trick from the devil.
Rebellion never really solves anything. It makes both parties angry and even after you have had your way, you are sad because you made your parents angry, disobeyed God’s command to honor your parents. There are other ways to settle things. I realized that a lot of times, what really matters is your attitude beyond the issue on ground.
Maybe you are thinking, this may work in a normal home and yours is dysfunctional. Or you have been hurt by one or both of your parents such that you feel rebellion is the only way out of it. Listen, you have to let go and let God.
God is more than able to heal your heart and give you such peace and grace to honor your parents that even in the midst of all of the wrong that has been done to you.
I want you to see it as honoring God. Even if you aren’t doing it for them or for you, do it for God. As you honor them despite their wrong standings, it can draw them to you and they would seek to know why you act like that despite their wrongs and then you point them to the Father.
I would really love to read from you. Kindly share lessons from your personal experiences with our other readers as a comment below.
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