‘Dating Intelligently’ is a book written by Laju Iren, and is a great resource for anyone in a dating/courting relationship, or plans to go into one soon.
The book is laced with so much wisdom from the word of God, and life examples as well. It is practical, and covers who to marry and date, how to approach, what to ask while dating, handling disagreements and corrections, and so much more! I share some of my learnings below.
First of all, what is romantic love?
In ‘Dating Intelligently’, romantic love is defined as the decision to mirror the union between Christ and the church. In addition, it is exclusive devotion of special affection for a member of the opposite sex who understands the love of Christ, and is willing to do same.
Here are 10 things to learn from ‘Dating Intelligently’:
1. Christ is your purpose
Marriage is a great thing. It is God-ordained, but it is Christ that defines you and me, not a relationship or a ring on the finger. We’re not halves looking for completion, we’re loved people that are complete in Christ Jesus.Marriage is a great thing. It is God-ordained, but it is Christ that defines you and me, not a relationship or a ring on the finger. Click To Tweet
God’s purpose for you is that you live for Him and help others do that same. Even if marriage can be instrumental to that, you can still live a purposeful life without being married.
2. Ask questions during the dating/courtship
To ensure you’re on the same page, ask questions when dating. Questions like:
What can we do to make our relationship christ-centered?
Who works when we get married?
Who brings money?
What can we do to support each other?
What are your expectations for the future?
Do we save?
Are we adopting?
Are we living with family members?
Practical questions like these are so important. Do take note of them.
3. Love is 90 percent commitment
Loving someone is a choice. Anything you accidentally fall into, you will fall out of, hence to love someone is to choose them every time. This is why you need to date intelligently, so that you can love blindly in marriage.
4. My marriage, my choice
The person may not be ‘all that’ in the eyes of the world, but if he/she is ‘all that’ in your eyes, then that’s what matters! You are the one getting married to them, not your friends, family members or the people on social media.The person you marry may not be 'all that' in the eyes of the world, but if he/she is 'all that' in your eyes, then that's what matters! You are the one getting married to them, not your friends, family members or the people on… Click To Tweet
In addition to that, there’s nothing about a person’s height or skin colour that makes a marriage work. In having ‘spec’, know what you want, and want the right thing.
5. A good marriage is a product of 2 people choosing to walk in the Spirit
The great qualities you look out for in a spouse like patience, kindness, gentleness are listed fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22.Ask important questions while dating/courting. Click To Tweet
Marriage will require this from you- that you choose to submit everyday to the Spirit of God in you. The one that submits to God, will love me right, and so I must be able to vouch for their relationship with God.
6. You shouldn’t date or marry a non-christian
If the love of God demonstrated by Jesus’ death on the cross cannot change them, there’s nothing special about your love that will. The Bible makes it clear not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Christianity is a change of nature before it is behavioural. In essence, you do not have the same nature as someone that’s unsaved.The Bible makes it clear not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Click To Tweet
God designed marriage to mirror the union between Christ and the church, a person that doesn’t submit to this God that designed marriage, cannot fulfill the purpose for which He created it, or Him.
7. Physical attraction is important but isn’t the most important thing
Two universal truths to note- a person wouldn’t always look the same way, and there would always be someone more good looking! Always.
You should be attracted to the person you’re dating, but put superficial ahead of depth.
8. Don’t go far at all
The question ‘How far is too far ?’ Is part of the relationship FAQs, and the answer is don’t go far at all. Go very slow, decide boundaries early. The bible says to flee every appearance of evil(1 Thess 5:22), not just evil, but the appearance of it, so whatever can easily lead to evil should be avoided.The question 'How far is too far ?' Is part of the relationship FAQs, and the answer is don't go far at all. Go very slow, decide boundaries early. Click To Tweet
Remember that if you yield to temptation today, you’d only want to go even further tomorrow, so avoid it altogether.
9. Be accountable
You should have spiritual leaders or ‘elders’ that can call you to order, someone you can talk about your struggles with, someone you both respect and can listen to.
10. No one is perfect
In marriage, you will see how flawed you are, and how imperfect the other person is, hence knowing how to correct, forgive, and handle conflicts is so important. Don’t be an unteachable person.In marriage, you will see how flawed you are, and how imperfect the other person is, hence knowing how to correct, forgive, and handle conflicts is so important. Don't be an unteachable person. Click To Tweet
There’s so much more to learn from reading this book that would bring clarity to your relationship. Have you read the book “Dating Intelligently”?
What did you like about it? Please comment below. Remember to leave a comment if you learnt a thing or two, and share with friends.
You can also read “Not Everyone is Having Sex Before Marriage – Laju Iren“.