One major reason for break-up and struggles in some Christian marriages is because many ignore relationship red flags and warning signs in their dating or courtship. The reasons for this varies. Sometimes, it is because we are so carried away and obsessed with the idea of marriage that we forget to do it God’s way. Other times, it is simply ignorance.
Whatever the case, my brothers and sisters, today I have come that ye may know of common red flags and warning signs and that ye may know to run when you see them. We would be looking at some common relationship red flags to beware of. This is a long one so please sit tight 🙂
1. When they are not accountable to anyone.
Not being accountable to anyone is NOT a sign of spirituality or depth. If anything, it is a reason to carry your slippers, dust it and run. Everyone, regardless of whether they have open visions every night should have an authority figure they submit to. Because if they cannot submit to someone we can see with our eyes, how easy would it be for them to submit to God? There has to be someone you can call when your partner is acting out of line who can call them to order. It may be a family member or church leader or even mentor. If there is no such person in their life, brethren please think again
2. When they lack financial discipline.
You would be amazed the number of divorces that have resulted because of this alone! I feel like a lot of Christian folks ignore this because ‘The Lord is my provider!’ Amennn to that but if the Lord keeps providing and we keep squandering it, soon we would be left with nothing. Even with money, it is required that a man be found a faithful steward. Guard against greed (Luke 12:15). Have a plan (Luke 14:28-30). Be a good steward of your resources (Prov 27:23).
Truth is if Judas had his appetite for money checked, he wouldn’t have been the one who was used of the devil against our Lord. If a man or woman lacks financial discipline and is not willing to learn or get better, that’s a warning sign and you may want to think again.
3. When they are abusive.
I know… I know we don’t like to talk about abuse in the church but boyyy it is so real! It is very sad that abuse in marriages exist in christian homes. The truth is scarcely do abuse happen all of a sudden. Many times, the signs are there but often ignored. As the body of Christ, we should take a cue from Jesus and the adulterous woman and we should create a safe space for people where abusers aren’t excused or covered because sin thrives in secrecy.
Abuse should not be condoned in any form or manner regardless of the position of the fellow. And if you’re in an abusive relationship, please do not be afraid to walk away. It doesn’t matter if this person has seen our Lord Jesus Christ in the flesh, if they are consistently abusive, it is a very big relationship red flag, please and please walk away!
As Christians, we should take a cue from Jesus and the adulterous woman and we should create a safe space for people where abusers aren't excused or covered because sin thrives in secrecy Click To Tweet
4. When they are controlling or manipulative.
Again, it is sad that this happens in the church. Also, this is pretty common among christian leaders where they use their position and/or spiritual giftings to control or manipulate their partners.
An instance is when they have done something clearly wrong and you cannot even call them to order because ‘how dare you challenge the anointed of the Lord?!’ A case where you cannot even express yourself freely or share with your partner how you feel because you’re full of fear. You see, the church is the church but your union, a marriage should be a safe place. Now even though there should be structure and honour for both parties, there shouldn’t be fear or undue control over your partner.
5. When there is Pretense and hypocrisy.
I have seen cases of people being as gentle as a dove in church and at home, they are so mean and violent towards their children and wife. This inconsistency is something that can be spotted during courtship.
For example, now that you’re dating, are they only kind to you? If they are, that may not be a sign of love, it may be an act. I mean, love is a fruit of our spirit so yes, they love you in a special way but that love should also overflow to others too. When you notice patterns of inconsistency: how they treat you VS how they treat the waitress or a driver, how they act in church VS how they act at home… when you see these patterns, you should be careful.
Now that you are dating, are they kind to you alone? If they fight with their family, friends and even random people on social media, how can they truly say the love of God is in them? Is it truly love or just an act? Click To Tweet
6. When they are more Interested in the institution than in the person.
Oh yes, I came for your wigs today. When they love the idea of marriage more than the idea of you, think again. What happens when you’re married and Mr or Mrs is added to their name, would they stop making an effort? Are they genuinely interested in you as a person or its just the title? This is important to note because I haven’t been married but I hear its a long road so you have to be careful to ensure that the person you’re in it with is interested in you and not the idea of marriage.Oh yes, I came for your wigs, sisters! When they love the idea of marriage more than the idea of you, think again. Click To Tweet
7. When he is not submitted to God
I have seen and heard of many men go about debating and insisting on their wives submitting to them. The solemn truth is this: A man submitted to God is not hard to submit to.
So sisters, you need to be careful because the bible is very clear about submission. If you marry a man who isn’t submitted to God, your marriage would very likely be a struggle because there’s a conflict of interest – You want to please God but the bros is always going the other way. Again, marriage is life long and you want to be sure the person you would be submitting to is one who is submitted to God.The solemn truth is this: A man submitted to God is not hard to submit to Click To Tweet
8. Team ‘I love Jesus but I’m not into church’.
Yes the church is imperfect but you can’t love Jesus and not be associated with His church. Of all the relationship red flags, this one just doesn’t gel. I have heard these lines from people who claim to love God but they are do go to church or fellowship with other believers. It is just them, you and Jesus. Hmmm. Be careful. A sign of spiritual maturity is being rooted in a local church because when the storms come and oh they will, the local church or at least a habit of fellowshipping with other believers is one of the things God would use to keep you steadfast.
9. Team ‘I love Jesus but I don’t follow the bible’
These people profess to love the Lord but they don’t have Christian values. Definitely a relationship red flag because it either means they are not rooted in the Word or the Word of God isn’t enough to influence their decisions. I am always shocked when I heard of christian brothers pressurizing sisters for pre-marital sex. That is some serious inconsistency. I mean, you know the bible, God’s position on the matter. How is it even a discussion? Like how do we get to the point where we sit to discuss this?
Or people who are who very comfortable with sin, very very comfortable? The conscience has been so seared, it don’t matter anymore. Titus 1: 16 says: “They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him…” If you’re in a relationship with such a one, please be careful.Many marriages have been destroyed because of little foxes, habits and addictions that have been left unattended to. Click To Tweet
10. Finally, roaming little foxes.
Song of Solomon 2:15 – “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom…” Many marriages have been destroyed because of little foxes, habits and addictions that have been left unattended to. There are somethings you need to deal with before you go into marriage because if you don’t, it would ruin the beautiful gift that marriage is.
Addictions like pornography and masturbation may seem to just be a bother to you and God when you are single but in marriage, it is whole different level. This is why before you get married you need to honest with yourself, your partner and God. Pray and work towards dealing with these little foxes before they ruin your home. So, if you see any little fox roaming unattended to in the v
ineyard of your beloved life of your partner and they are not willing or even actively working to curb it, please think again
This has been a long read but it truly hope it has blessed you. Many unhealthy situations we see in marriages today could have been avoided if we knew what red flags to run from and we ran from these red flags. God’s best is still available. The question is would you be patient for His best? Would you allow God choose with you or would you be pressured into just another brother in the church? There’s something I once heard my pastor say, when you are going into marriage, remember you are going to build a home, not a church. They may be great at church work and lovely for the camera, but what happens behind the scenes?Would you allow God choose with you or would you be pressured into just another brother in the church? Click To Tweet
So many factors to consider, I know but don’t get overwhelmed. A prudent wife is a gift from God, so is a good husband and if He did not withhold the gift of His son from up, how then would he withhold a good marriage or anything from us? Now, I would like for you to say this with me, “Regardless of what the statistics say, I would have a great marriage. I would marry the best man/woman, God’s perfect choice for me! My home would mirror the union between God and His church… Amen!
I hope again that this blessed you and that you are reassured that you wouldn’t miss it in marriage because God would choose for you.
Thanks for reading, please leave a comment below *winks