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5 Ways To Get Over The Need For Acceptance

I have never really been a fan of high school movies. There’s always someone in it struggling with the need for acceptance. Aside from the fact that I don’t think most of them have great acting, their story line is always the same. There is always a group of three rich and beautiful friends who everyone else in the school desperately wants to be friends with or at least be noticed by. 

Then, there is always a new guy and girl in the school. One of the rich girls wants to date this new guy, while he falls for the new girl. In the midst of all these drama, there are two characters; one who is doing everything and ready to slave herself, miss class and lose an arm and a leg to join this clique of friends and the second character is an opposite of the first, a tomboy like girl who hates this clique and doesn’t want anything to do with them.

So, find out why you want to be someone else so badly. Is it so that people will love you? Is it because you think you are not good enough? Click To Tweet

While I might not be a fan of such movies, they keep releasing different variations of them yearly and people watch them because this story is exactly what is happening everyday around us  – the desire to be accepted by the seemingly trendy.

And this does not exempt believers. Yes, we are citizens of heaven, but we still struggle with the need for acceptance.  

So, here are 5 ways to get over the need for acceptance:

1. Ask yourself why you need acceptance so badly from others.

Behind the answer to this question lies the need to start getting over trying to fit into somebody’s idea of who you should be or what you should be doing.

A good number of people grew up in an abusive and toxic environment where they were not loved, were constantly talked down on, and compared to someone else doing better. Now,  this category of people leave that primary environment to seek validation and acceptance from other people. But because they grew up never being good enough, they try to measure up to others’ standards of “good enough”. 

Ask why you need acceptance so badly from others. Behind the answer to this question lies the need to start getting over trying to fit into somebody's idea of who you should be or what you should be doing. Click To Tweet

So, find out why you want to be someone else so badly. Is it so that people will love you? Is it because you think you are not good enough? Do you need to be accepted to feel seen or loved? Work on this.

Which leads to my next point.

2. Have a solid sense of your own identity.

Most people who try so hard to fit into other people’s ideas of who they are or what they should be doing often don’t know themselves. Or better still, don’t like that version of themselves.

So, who are you? Can you answer that question?

The Bible does an amazing job in answering this question.  Who we are is not founded on how we look, what we have or don’t have, or our social/financial status. No! It is founded on the identity of God, the One who created us, His love for us and His sacrifice on the cross for our sins.  

Based on this, you need to know the following Scriptures about feeling the need for acceptance:

a. You are God’s nature bearer.

Gen 1:26-27 – Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground. So God created human beings in his own image”. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Eph 4:24 – Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

The Bible does an amazing job in answering this question.  Who we are is not founded on how we look, what we have or don't have, or our social/financial status. No! It is founded on the identity of God, the One who created us. Click To Tweet

b. You are not common

1 Pet 2:9 – for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

Eph 2:10 – For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

c. You are loved

1 John 3:1 – See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!…

1 John 3:16 – We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us…

3. Don’t be deceived by materialistic viral/ad trends.

Society has painted an unhealthy idea of success which is (of course) inconsistent with the word of God. The world wants you to think that the person with the latest gadgets, or most expensive dresses is the best person in the room. 

Society has painted an unhealthy idea of success which is (of course) inconsistent with the word of God. The world wants you to think that the person with the latest gadgets, or most expensive dresses is the best person in the room.  Click To Tweet

This is a design by them to keep selling products and services that we actually do not need and can very well live without. So now, we  have FOMO (the fear of missing out) which pushes us to spend the money we don’t have to try and impress people who don’t care about us.

Don’t get me wrong, it does work, but for how long? If you show up in the same place you’ve been looked down on holding the latest iPhone, driving the latest Mercedes, wearing the latest Louis Vuitton, you will definitely attract new friends, more respect but what you don’t see is that these people don’t care about you. 

They aren’t your friend because of who you are but for what you have in your pockets. And this leads to a continuous cycle of needing to keep spending to keep their loyalty. This is a prison you do not want.

4. Accept that you are not everyone else. You are unique.

You need to come to the conclusion that you are not everyone else. You are different and different is okay. Differences can be a beautiful thing, especially in a world where a type of face, complexion, body build, character traits, profession is celebrated. Therefore, embrace and fall in love with your uniqueness.

5. Fall in love with growth. 

Growth is such a beautiful concept we hugely underestimate. For example, I recently stumbled on an Instagram video where a person showed a video of  himself from 2020 doing an overhead press with about 20k weight. He looked so skinny that I’m sure most girls won’t give him attention. Then a video of himself a year later, and oh boy, I’m sure all the girls that looked down on him will come lining up at his door.

My point is, you aren’t at the end of your rope. You aren’t at the end of possibilities. So fall in love with your process. Constantly put before you the goal you are working towards. When you do this, it won’t matter that people are laughing at you today. You know where you are headed.

You aren’t at the end of your rope. You aren’t at the end of possibilities. So fall in love with your process. Constantly put before you the goal you are working towards. Click To Tweet

What are people making fun of you for today, can you do something about it? If yes, go ahead, put in the work. Don’t do it for them, do it for yourself.

I hope these few points will help you deal with the need for acceptance. Feel free to share with me how you are dealing with this in the comment section below.

Enjoyed this article? You can also read “3 Ways To Love Your Neighbour

About author

Articles

Tolulope Oludapo is a young Christian who lends his voice through the media by sharing practical wisdom for everyday living in the most experiential and simplified fashion. This has fetched him the direct followership of over 30,000 users on his blog, lifegiva.com. A blog he founded. He loves to write on varying subjects that affect life, faith, relationship...everyday living.
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