Till date, this is the most painful thing that has happened to me. I also believe is the most painful thing any human can ever go through while still on earth…
It’s been 6 years and 7 days since I lost my brother and best friend. It is still like a dream that I want to wake up from, but I am yet to. It is so hard to believe and come to terms with the fact that “Bro Ope” (that’s what I call him) is gone. He was just an amazing guy, he taught me all I knew and he was the secret behind my academic prowess in my secondary school days, even writing. He would always set a high standard and challenge me to smash them which I did every single time.
I intend to break this post into series as there is a whole lot to share about the exit of a loved one. I am also inviting you to join me write on this.
WHAT CAN MAKE IT MOST PAINFUL
There are many reasons why the death of a loved one could be too painful to get over within a short time. I should be able to make reference to some reasons in this post, especially reasons that were personal to me.
- WHEN YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO SAY GOOD BYE……
While watching television that sad Friday afternoon, I just had a certain “funny feeling” and I decided to go meet my brother in the hospital where he was admitted. Mind you, I left him not up to 6 hours before then and I wasn’t supposed to return until later that night. I didn’t know why, I just started dressing up. As I was exiting my house with my shirt in my hand and with an urgent approach, a family friend stopped me at the gate and asked me where I was going. I replied him and said I was going to the hospital. He said “you can’t go anywhere, Tolu”. My mind was not on him until he broke the bad news to me. Ahh! I still don’t know how to describe how I felt. I walked right to the back of my room, sat on the flower kerb and began gazing into the sky in disbelief. I didn’t cry tho- my tears would probably never be enough to grieve him. I made a few calls and…
I never had the chance to say goodbye. That made it more painful. I wish I was there when it happened….Anyways, that’s the first reason…..
- WHEN YOU HAD A PROMISE TO KEEP OR A FIGHT/AN ARGUMENT YOU NEVER SETTLED/ A LIE OR AN INJUSTICE YOU NEVER CONFESSED
I know the reasons listed here are all different but all have one thing in common, regrets. Mine was the first.
Like I said in the first paragraph, my brother had challenged me to beat his very good JAMB score amongst other academic landmarks, like his WAEC and NECO.
I still remember the day I check my JAMB result. I wasn’t too concerned about hitting the required cut-off for my admission. I was concerned about beating his score and that was the first thing I checked, and I gapped him with a whopping 46points (I think), I was too excited and raced for the hospital where he was, but he could not recognize me, not to even mention knowing that I had beat his score and made him proud. I left his hospital ward and cried all the way home.
Can you imagine hearing good news about your promotion or something, and realizing that the first person you would want to share it with was dead? You probably held grudges, had a fight or hot argument with such a person before then and hoped to make things up, but time beat you to it. That’s painful…. And I can understand. So painful.
- THE PERSON HELD A SECRET OR AN INFORMATION THAT NO OTHER PERSON LIVING HAS
This should be the last reason that I will share in this article, and yes, it sounds as it is. The fellow was your closest confidant or your most trusted “personal person” until his/her exit. That knowing that someone knows something that no person knows or will ever know makes such a person acquire a “special” place in your life, heart and soul. Imagine such a person….
I will suspend “ABOUT THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE” here. In the next series, I promise to make it more encouraging by talking about how I was able to handle the loss and few things I have learnt about losing a loved one.
Thank you for reading, I will be waiting to receive and post on the blog whatever you have to write about the death of a/your loved one(s). Please don’t hold back your story. It might just bring healing to you or to someone that will come across the post. 🙂
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