A lot of believers are emotionally unintelligent. Emotional maturity is very important in dealing with people so we don’t always come off as insensitive. And this doesn’t exclude believers. As some Christianese used are often done unintelligently or at the wrong time.
So, here are a few Emotionally Unintelligent Things Believers say;
1. God gives and God takes.
This is one of the most popular phrases that is often said to someone who has just lost a loved one. Yes, I know it is a phrase from the bible, but It’s very wrong to say this to a person who has lost a loved one not only because it is very insensitive, say but because it is also not true!
Job made this statement in the midst of his anguish of losing everything he had. “He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there; the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.’ – Job 1:21. But we clearly saw that it was the devil that took these things away, not God.
Many people in the bible have been seen to attribute negative events caused by the devil or the abuse of God’s power by men of God to God. Read more here; Investigating Job – Does God Inflict People with Sickness or Death?Many people in the bible have been seen to attribute negative events caused by the devil or the abuse of God's power by men of God to God. Click To Tweet
Why would we think that God would give us something only to take it back? This is contrary to the word of God, and not consistent with God’s character. The bible differs on this;
With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation. – Psalms 91:16
A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance. – John 10:10
Please if someone is grieving and you don’t have any other thing to say asides from this, don’t say anything! It’s better to just listen to the person or be there for the person than to be saying emotionally unintelligent things.Why would we think that God would give us something only to take it back? This is contrary to the word of God, and not consistent with God's character. Click To Tweet
Read more on God’s goodness and evil here; If God Is Really Good, Then Why Do People Die?
2. Appreciating God’s goodness in your life at the expense of some people’s misfortune.
It’s very okay to appreciate God’s goodness in your life. But statements like “thank God you’re alive today because many people have died, many are in the hospital…” Or “Thank God I passed my exams because many people are resitting but I’m not, it’s not because I’m special or anything but it’s all by your grace“. There are soo many examples but this is all I can think of.
This is very common in Christian gatherings. It’s actually very sad that there are many emotionally unintelligent believers. We should know better!
Saying thank God I’m alive because some people are dead is wrong. Imagine if someone who recently lost a loved one hears you say that, what do you think would be going through the person’s mind? “God is partial, God is not fair, He killed this person”
There are some things that we say, we might even just say it with a pure heart but it would seem very insensitive to people. If you want to thank God for all He’s done for you, do it but without including the misfortunes of others. You don’t need other’s misfortune to validate or express your gratitude.Saying thank God I'm alive because some people are dead is wrong and insensitive to people who have lost a loved one. If you want to thank God, do it but without including the misfortunes of others. Click To Tweet
3. Ahhh you better thank God for your own many people are…
This is also emotionally unintelligent. If I come to you to complain about what I’m going through, tell me that I’ll be fine, tell me that I am not alone, tell me that God’s strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. Don’t tell me that I should be grateful for what I have because other people don’t have it!If I come to you to complain about what I'm going through, tell me that I'll be fine, tell me that I am not alone… Don't tell me that I should be grateful for what I have because other people don't have it! Click To Tweet
I remember telling someone I’m tired of school and what the person said was “alot of people are praying to get there“, and I was just like really???? Why say that? Is that supposed to make me feel better or what?
Or if someone is complaining of how her husband is not treating her well and then the next thing you thought of saying is ” better be grateful, sebi your own husband is just shouting at you, some people’s husband beats them all the time”. Okay really? How is that helping matters???
Undermining people’s issue by comparing it with other people’s doesn’t address their specific concern or issue. That others have it worse doesn’t change the fact that what I am going through is also valid and needs attention.
Before we talk, let’s listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying because if you have the Holy Spirit in you, I’m sure He would have nudged you to not say what you want to say. Let’s try and speak with grace. Don’t invalidate people’s experience by comparing it with other peoples’. Everyone’s experience matters and deserve equal attention.Don't invalidate people's experience by comparing it with other peoples'. Everyone's experience matters and deserve equal attention. Undermining people's issue by comparing them with other people's doesn't address their issue. Click To Tweet
4. Bad things happen to people because they sin.
This is very very common! Some will even make reference to the Egyptians, that God sent plagues their way because of their sins. In the old testament, people suffered because of their sins, but Christ has died for our sins so we don’t need to suffer because of our sins again because Christ has paid the price for our sins once for all times.In the old testament, people suffered because of their sins, but Christ has died for our sins so we don't need to suffer because of our sins again because Christ has paid the price for our sins once for all times. Click To Tweet
Some people will go to the hospital to preach the gospel and be saying that “you are sick because of your sins, if you don’t repent of your sins you won’t get better”. Why would you say that????? It’s just very insensitive. Or when someone is giving a speech in a burial service or so and the person is saying that people die because of their sins, let’s repent of our sins so we don’t die untimely. How do you expect the people grieving to feel????
Please let’s stop it. Let’s watch what we say. If we don’t have anything good to say, it’s best to just not say anything at all.Let's watch what we say to people. If we don't have anything good to say, it's best to just not say anything at all. Hug the person and tell the person they'll be alright and pray for them. Click To Tweet
Hug the person and tell the person they’ll be alright. Tell the person that God is always with them. Tell them that God knows what they’re going through and that He’ll never leave them nor forsake them. Tell them that God’s strength is made perfect in their weaknesses. Tell them to cry out to God and to tell God how they feel. Tell them that God will always listen to them. And tell them to pray.
That’s much better than saying, “Don’t cry, God gives and God takes, you that you’re alive and not dead, give thanks to God because that could have been you but you’re alive by God’s grace, thank God for that” Or “You’re in school and you’re complaining, a lot of people are looking for admission to enter the university and you’re here complaining”.
Let’s stop saying emotionally unintelligent things to people because they hurt people’s feelings at times and some harden the hearts of people against God.
I hope this helps someone. Leave a comment on what you think believers should stop saying.
Written by Sotonwa Success
Learnt a lot from this post. Thanks for sharing.
This is just everything, especially the part of invalid people’s struggles or pain just because someone else has it worse….
At the point of someone’s struggles isn’t the right time to tell them “in all things give God thanks”, I mean the scripture is true but at that moment that just isn’t the proper thing to say. We need to normalize allowing people to bare their hearts, to cry to their heart’s content, to wail as much as they want to because all of these helps to lighten the burden in their heart and I believe healing comes faster that way, as opposed to them holding it in and being told to be thankful that it wasn’t worse whereas they’re bleeding badly on the inside……
omg!!!!!!!!!!!This is not far from the truth
I never knew how insensitive the prayer about’ lets thank God some are dead but we are alive is’ until i lost my mom…
I wish I could like this post a thousand times!!! It’s so true how a lot of us Christians can be insensitive to the experiences of people around us.
This is so helpful. Some of them I didn’t realize I actually do.