A Yoruba proverb says and I rephrase “If someone offers to give/make clothes for you, you look at what he/she is wearing” meaning you can’t’ give what you don’t have. I wonder why anybody will want to take relationship advice from Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I’m sure that even if you don’t know much about her, her philanthropic, self-less, and a life of love which sounds like a good attribute for a great relationship, you must know she was a nun, meaning she was never in a relationship and died single at the age of 87. It is surprising to find out that up to 60% relationships today grew on the Mother Teresa’s principle. I love mother Theresa but and we all need to adopt her philosophies for living but not in our romantic relationships. So let’s get straight to it.
You meet him/her wounded, maybe she just going through a heartbreak or mourning the death of a loved one, probably he is staying back in school for an extra year to mop up his failed courses or any other unpleasant scenarios, it is just natural to care, be there for him/her, to help, offer comfort. Please don’t get me wrong, it is an awesome thing to do but we all know that fondness grows with time and closeness, it’s just natural after an extra time and a little more attention is constantly given to someone of the opposite sex.
Love built on this basis, “I need to be there for Him”, “I am the only person he’s got”, “He really opens up to me”, “The only time she smiles is when we are together”… This kind of love grows into a very deficient relationship because only one of the partners is doing the giving, the building, the encouraging. Now my question is; for how long do you want to be his/her Mother Theresa? What will happen the day you reach your limit? What will happen the day you too need encouragement or comfort? Just one the partner’s fuel cannot sustain the relationship that will thrive.
Have you ever asked yourself what happens when he/she gets out of the hurt, For your information your services will no longer be required, leaving his/her commitment to the relationship a result of a mere feeling of indebtedness to you not necessarily because he/she loves you.
Never mistake sympathy for affection, they look very similar but they have a very different life span and they can never replace each other. IF YOU BUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON SYMPATHY THE BEST IT WILL YIELD IS PITY NOT PASSION. – Oludapo Tolulope (lifegiva2.com)
Just in case you are a victim of the Mother Teresa kinda relationship. My humble advice to you is to “use your head” not your heart. Put up a boundary (zone) before it bounces back on you.