Dear People-In-Love

As I write this, I am aware that it is either you are in love or at the very least have been in love before. Before you starting shaking your head, let’s agree. At least you thought/think it was/is love… then this is for you!
Even if you are currently not in a relationship or you are in the marriage-ship(which is still a relationship), this would bless you…

Dear Person-in-love,

First thing I’d like for you to take note of is this: the whole boy-meets-girl feeling is completely healthy. Now growing up in my African Christian society because of the whole stance against sexual immorality and the way it was presented, I used to think the boy-meets-girl feeling was not of God. I would like a boy and start casting and binding.
How wrong I was! Marriage in the very first place was God’s idea. Adam was on his own jeje when God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone..”

Also, the ‘love’ that most of us think about is the boy-likes-girl feeling and that my friend is not love. Yessss… At the very best, chemistry (even with the ‘approved/right’ person) lasts for just about two years according to stats. So love is way more than the feeling. If you intend to go far with that relationship.. you have to understand that love is beyond a feeling.

Love is a more than a feeling. It is a commitment to keep loving even when the chemistry is gone. It is a fruit of the Spirit... Click To Tweet

You have to ensure that the very root of your affection and commitment is beyond ‘chemistry’. Ask yourself, if something bad happens now.. maybe an accident (God forbid) and the fellow is disfigured, would you still be committed to loving this person? If he loses his job (God forbid) and the gifts, treats and outings don’t come as often, would you still love?

Love, true love is beyond a feeling. It is a fruit of the Spirit. Click To Tweet

Even when the flesh is weak and your senses aren’t feeling the ‘feeling’ again.. then your spirit supersedes that and you love even more abundantly! Let me share a story one of my mentors shared with me. She and her hubby had a misunderstanding and she felt wronged. She quietly walked to the room and sat on her bed praying, telling God how she felt wronged rather than complaining and arguing. In less than two minutes, her husband walked in and hugged her and she was confused. “The Holy Spirit asked me to hug you..” He said.

Can you see that?! That is what I am talking about. The flesh was calling for a fight.. but they yielded to the Spirit… She spoke to God, God spoke to her hubby and he heard and everyone was happy. So as an individual, invest in your love walk. Start with those seemingly ‘unloving’ people at work… love and love and keep loving till it comes naturally to you. I often tell my female friends: if a guy is only nice to you…. pick your slippers, ensure you dust it well and runnnnnnn. Lol! It’s that serious.
Love is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost. As you spend time with God, that love is renewed and renewed. You never run out of it. You just never run out of it, whether your flesh is feeling it or not, you just love.

Flee from sexual immorality. As the bible says, no other sin so clearly affects the body than this. I am sure you have heard a lot on this, I won’t say much on this. Don’t think everyone is doing it and it is impossible. That is so untrue. Even unbelievers are keeping themselves until marriage. How much more you who is enabled by the Spirit of God? It is very possible.
Man of God, work with a timeline in mind… Don’t just keep dating and dating with nothing in mind. Don’t push things too much. Set boundaries. Don’t be over-confident.

Get someone you are both accountable to. I cannot emphasize this enough. It would go a long way in shaping you both. You don’t have to make all the mistakes. Some other people already have, simply learn from them. Having someone you submit to in your relationship would help you in the matter of submission even in marriage.

Prepare! Read books, listen to sermons, save (in these days of high school fees and rent). Pray for your marriage. Invest time to pray in the spirit and also in your understanding.. prophesy into your marriage, speak into the life of your children. Like there is a lot to pray about when it comes to your marriage….
Make walking in the spirit your default setting per time. It’d help you a lot in marriage. You see in marriage; the flesh is going to want to make noise a lot. You need to have your spirit man in tune daily to tell Mr Flesh shut up and make life easy. Doing marriage in the flesh is too much of a struggle just as is anything else. It is like you are going against your own self (what the flesh wants) and that’s trouble. Cultivate the habit of praying and studying your bible. Make it a regular practice, it’d help carve you out in a way that you would always walk in the Spirit.

Don’t ignore the red flags.  First build on yourself to be the right person, the kind of person you would love to date. Then know what it is you want and when you see red flags If anything points them out. If unchangeable, take a walk. Don’t be in a hurry to get married. Married you shall be and for a very long time too. So ensure you do it right.

You should never forget this: As a child of God, God is more interested in your business than you are.

Yup! God wants you to have a good marriage more than you want it. If only you’d pay attention and diligently follow, He’d lead you aright. Having this in mind and wanting God’s best for you, you have to make up your mind to walk with God and rest in his instructions. This means you have no business liking someone God doesn’t approve of. So if the person you thought about when you read this title isn’t one God would approve of, you should sit quietly and decide what you want.

There is no point writing JAMB if you don’t intend to enter a university in Nigeria. Don’t waste your time, money, emotions, airtime, sleep (this one pains me the most because I cherish my sleep time) on someone you know you won’t marry. It is just not wise. Think about it, you already know in your heart of heart that you can’t or shouldn’t marry this fellow, yet you go about dating. Is that one good? Tell me… It is not! Not just for him or her but also for yourself.
I’m sorry if you feel bad… I’d rather you feel bad and do the right thing than be all happy and laughing during this read and do the wrong thing. A broken relationship today is better than one broken tomorrow and ten times better than a broken marriage

“..He that has ears, let Him hear what the Spirit is saying…”

Marriage is totally awesome. I mean, God made it: you really shouldn’t think less of it regardless of what you see on Africa Magic and on the internet. And on that day, don’t forget to call me. Eating party Jollof and enjoying owambe drama are my hobbies, even though I can not dance, I am a good party guest. So invite me 🙂

All the best!
Much love (with all my teeth showing). Don’t keep this to yourself, share with your friends and keep the conversation alive by sharing your comments.

Your sister in the Lord.

You should also check out these other awesome articles:

In This Year I Shall Not Be Zoned!

Dear Single Sister

Loving Like Your Partner Wants to Be Loved

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