I feel like lot of time has passed and it is now time to write the dear wives post. It has taken this long because I have been contemplating how to write from an unbiased point of view (being a woman). Also, I wanted my baby to add his perspective.
So, I know that women were rejoicing about the Dear Husbands post, and I hope that you will still rejoice after this post. Rejoice in the fact that you are comfortable in your place and your role as a woman.
Read; Dear Husbands
This post is to help us know our roles, come to terms with them, and appreciate them.
Women by nature are nurturers, it’s just how we were wired. Hence, we were given the role of carers and builders by God. Notice how through Proverbs, wisdom is referred to as she.
How Solomon keeps saying, a wise woman builds her home or that it is better to live in the corner of a roof than with a cantankerous woman. Whether anyone likes it or not, the survival of any home is dependent on the woman. If we build the home, it stands, if we demolish it, it falls. This doesn’t mean we should misuse our power. We should know the power and harness it to build a home that glorifies God.
Now that you know this, what should you do? Be your Husband’s no 1 cheerleader, encourage him, nurture his dreams, pray for him. The same with your children, study them, know what makes them happy, where they are weak, where they have problems, correct them, encourage them, challenge them and pray for them. As time goes by, you begin to enjoy it.
In my previous article; Dear Husbands, we talked about men helping out in the kitchen and around the house. Truthfully, it’s not their default setting, so you may have to nudge them into it. Some men are more domesticated than others, so they may be willing to help without the nudging. They are the exception, not every woman gets that kind of man.
If you end up with a man that needs a nudge, he may not always help with the care of children, he may not always help in the kitchen or take out the trash daily. As much as we may not like to hear it, that’s our responsibility. It’s our job (yes, in addition to our day job) just check out Proverbs 31.
Therefore know that it’s a privilege and honour to have a helping husband, never take it for granted. Always – every time- make it a point to appreciate your husband for his help around the house. I know what your thinking, that if you thank him too much, he may feel like he doesn’t need to help anymore. I daresay the reverse is the case, the more you appreciate him, the more ‘obliged’ he feels to help. Remember, from the beginning, God made it YOUR responsibility, so if someone helps, the polite thing to do is to thank them.
PS: If you notice he is slacking off in his help, gently nudge (not loudly nag) him to remembrance. After a while, it just might become an integral part of him.
The truth is that most of the time, we will feel overworked and under-appreciated. Maybe your husband may come home to ask ‘what have you been doing since morning?’, after a particularly stressful day of doing house chores. Maybe no one will see ALLLLL the work you do around the house and say thank you. Just know this, you are indispensable.
Rejoice in that fact and when someday you are appreciated it will be soooo refreshing. If you, however nag, emotionally blackmail and yell at your household to appreciate you, at best you will get ‘a grudging thanks’, and that will not feel as good as you think.
Ps: if your household doesn’t appreciate you, tell the Holy Spirit to open their eyes. Only He can make them see, you can’t!
Your husband is a reflection of how you see him.
It doesn’t matter if a queen marries a king or a pauper, if she sees him as her King, she will elevate him to her status. What do I mean? If you marry a king that you don’t view as your own king, in no distant time, he will begin to appear like a pauper to the rest of the world. However, if you marry a man that the world views as a pauper, but you identify the potential in him and treat him as your king. He will in no distant time begin to appear like a king to the rest of the world.
Therefore, identify your husband’s best qualities and nurture them. Fan them to flame till he can see them as well. Help him believe in himself when he wants to give up. Help him and in some cases, teach him how to overcome his weaknesses with strengths and opportunities. ‘That’s why you are a help-meet’, God knows that men always need help, that’s why he sent us.
Don’t let his weaknesses and inadequacies be all that you see in him. Only you can meet certain needs for your husband, don’t let an outsider do it for you.
Allow your husband to be a man
I know that as women sometimes, we do not have the patience for things that remain undone. This impatience leads us to start taking up the responsibility that our husbands ought to take up. When we start doing that, they slack off in their responsibilities even further. Soon, we will have too much to do and start complaining of tiredness.
I know you are a strong independent woman and you can change the bulb, fix the faucet, change your tires and so forth. Those are good skills to have, but if you do everything and make your husband feel like you don’t need him, it’s your own fault when he doesn’t do anything. Call him, let him help you move the chairs when you are sweeping, let him help you carry heavy stuff in and around the house. He has been going to the gym, allow him to flex his muscles.
I know you can do it yourself, but why do it when you don’t have to? By calling him to help, you will be spending time together, plus he will feel good about his role as your protector and provider.
Let him pamper you, let him buy stuff for you, let him know that you are the woman, let him feel needed. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should become utterly dependent on him, or that you should transform into a needy, weak and spineless female. However, from time to time, let the man feel like he is needed around the house.
Lest I forget, even if he doesn’t do what is required of him, after you have reminded him over 100 times (literally), never ever say these words or similar words to these: “Is it because I am asking for your help? I can do it myself, after all I have been doing it myself before”. Very risky, very risky.
Keep your man
You have hooked your man, great job! Now the real job begins – keeping him. I know that only God can keep a man. However, you have your part to play. Let me spell out for us, what I mean by part; pray for him, DON’T LET YOURSELF GO, that is – keep looking great, love him and make sure he knows it, respect him and show it, honour him.
If he likes something so long as it is not sinful, do it! Be interested in his interests and participate in them once in a while, initiate communication and keep the communication channels open, love and respect his family. There are a lot more that you can do to keep your man, but I will stop here.
Cherish your knees
It’s no secret, men have ego. Even in the kindest, God-fearing and sweetest ones, that ego surfaces from time to time. It’s also no secret that women have ‘mouth’.
One thing that seems to be lost on both parties is that these two don’t go well together, especially during a misunderstanding. So sisters, the time for mouthing off to your husband is never! Believe me, I know they ask for it, they sorely tempt us to yab them. However, yabbing them wouldn’t make things better, or make them change, it would only complicate things. So when you notice that your bae that promised to love you forever is exhibiting bad behaviour or being unfair, instead of erupting like a volcano, pray!
Right there, ask God for wisdom to handle the situation. I am not saying that you shouldn’t have opinions or say your mind, but things will go much better if you allow God to lead. Don’t ever forget the power available in prayer, a lot of long quarrels and hurt in marriages could have been avoided if people allowed themselves to be led by God.
Let’s face it, in the heat of an argument, you may have to be the one to mellow. Their ego will not allow them, even when they discover they are wrong. So take one for the team, just do it. Don’t try to prove your point at the risk of your marriage. Remember, don’t win the fight and risk losing the battle. Calm down and take it to the Lord in prayer.
With this I say: Being a woman is not a disadvantage, it has never been. Does it mean you will have countless responsibilities? Yes! Does it mean you will be under-appreciated? Sometimes! Is it challenging? Yep! But it’s worth it. So relish it.
Please feel free to give your advice to women and if you have contrary opinions or great examples, feel free to use the comments section, I will be reading. Plus, let’s rub minds and sharpen each other up for marital bliss, God bless you.