Life

Did I Sexually Harass Her? What are the Boundaries?

Generally, ladies find unnecessary touch offensive. And it is even more offensive when we believe that the man knew what he was doing.
This makes ladies feel used (objectified) and disrespected, but the question is; did the man actually know that he was not supposed to touch her that way?

A male friend of mine made me realize that some men sincerely do not know some things. This is not to say that we should make this excuse for everyone, there are guys who actually know how and how not to touch a lady who isn’t their wife.

So, for you who has been confused or clueless, this is for you. And to a lady who did not know that guys should not touch her the way they have touched her in the past, this is also for you.

1. Do not touch or stare at her boobs or butt.

Yes you know you should not touch a ladies breast without her consent, but do you know you should not stare?

Some men may not stare sensually, some just stare because well, they can see it, and others just keep looking even when it is covered (again, this isn’t always in a sensual manner, or for a sexual reason). But the truth is IT IS UNCOMFORTABLE AND HARASSING.

Some men even go as far as smacking or striking the butt in the name of “play”. Please do not do that, it is utterly disrespectful.

You know you should not touch a ladies breast without her consent, but do you know you should not stare? Some men even go as far as smacking or striking the butt in the name of 'play'. Please don’t do that, it’s disrespectful. Click To Tweet

2. Do not hug her in an uncomfortable way.

Let your hug be quick. Do not press her body onto yours, do not squeeze her body. When you hug her, do not let your hands move down, and do not move your hands unnecessarily. Keep your hands at her back during the hug, do not rub her back while you do that, and then take your hands off.

The word “quick” is relative, especially when the lady in question is a dear friend or you have not seen in a while. But please, use your discretion and “church mind”.

Let your hug be quick. Do not press her body onto yours, do not squeeze her body. Do not let your hands move down. Keep your hands at her back during the hug, do not rub her back while you do that, and then take your hands off. Click To Tweet

Also, if she is giving you a side hug, kindly accept it. Just know she doesn’t want to hug you fully. Or if she stretches her hand to shake you, humbly collect handshake😂Some Guys would still come for a hug.

If she is giving you a side hug, kindly accept it. Just know she doesn't want to hug you fully. Or if she stretches her hand to shake you, humbly collect handshake. Click To Tweet

Everyone knows the way their body operates, if she doesn’t stretch her hand or offer a side or full hand, you can also ask, Can I?

3. Do not rub any part of her body.

Some men have formed the habit of rubbing the hands and shoulders of ladies, but while some ladies do not mind, do not assume that every lady doesn’t mind.

Let your automatic assumption be that every lady would be uncomfortable with you rubbing her hands and shoulders.

Some men have formed the habit of rubbing the hands and shoulders of ladies, but while some ladies do not mind, do not assume that every lady doesn't mind. Click To Tweet

4. Do not put or “rest” your hands on her thighs.

Do not drag her, or pull her hands and wonder why she acted rudely. Do not do that.

Do not drag her, or pull her hands and wonder why she acted rudely. Do not do that. Click To Tweet

5. Do not call her names, or talk about her body.

Shouting “chai, fine princess, Sweet baby girl, sexy mama, etc.” On the road doesn’t make a lady happy or feel fly. It is embarrassing.

If you want to let her know how beautiful or good she looks, walk up to her and say it in a way that makes her feel respected and dignified.

She is not ungrateful for your compliment, you didn’t compliment her at all.

Shouting 'chai, fine princess, Sweet baby girl, sexy mama, etc.' on the road doesn't make a lady happy or feel fly. If you want to let her know how beautiful, walk up to her and say it nicely. Click To Tweet

Do not talk about her body; I know there are times you cannot help but admire, but don’t tell her how her hips turn you on.

Even when you tell your fellow guy that you like her body physique, do not objectify her.

So many songs objectify ladies, so many songs talk about the body of ladies, and this has made men believe that every lady wants to hear how her body makes you feel. Not every lady wants that. Do not believe the lie these songs have sold to you.

So many songs objectify ladies, so many songs talk about the body of ladies, and this has made men believe that every lady wants to hear how her body makes you feel. Not every lady wants that. Click To Tweet

6. Do not Hold a lady on the waist without asking.

It happens most times when you want to take a picture with a lady as a guy, whether friends or not but more common with people who aren’t close to you. Before you hold a lady’s waist, ask. If she says yes, good but if she says no, it’s no.

People shouldn’t be ashamed to state their boundaries. It doesn’t make you less of a believer, it just makes you a person who is willing to apply self control.

I once saw a tweet by Pastor Femi Olaleye saying Brothers shouldn’t go over board in hugs especially if they know it sends signals to the sensual part of their body. Another person countered him and called him “Carnal”, in the persons words, you have to be carnal for you to avoid hugs.

I found it comical that someone could misinterpret another person’s act of self control.

In Conclusion, be conscious of what you do and say to ladies. But most importantly, see ladies in the right light.

Ladies, demand respect from men. Teach them how you want to be treated. Don’t want their attention so much that you give up your self worth in exchange for it.

Ladies, demand respect from men. Teach them how you want to be treated. Don't want their attention so much that you give up your self worth in exchange for it. Click To Tweet

Ladies let us know in the comment how men treat you that make you feel embarrassed or objectified.

Written by Kevwe Ndakara

You can also read Five Non-Religious Reasons Why Sexual Content Is Harmful For You

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