I was in a place where some discussion around this subject was going on. The long and short of the gist is that this young lady was confused because this youth pastor has come to ask her out with this line, “God Said You Are my Wife“. She isn’t attracted to him and she also doesn’t feel any leading from God on the matter. In short, she doesn’t even have peace about the matter yet she is about to accept his proposal all because she doesn’t want to offend the Lord who said….
This single line “God Said You Are my Wife” has left many unnecessarily confused, sad, and anxious. Many have gone ahead to marry out of fear. How sad!
I’m going to share on here what I did share with those people that day and some more.
Firstly, Marriage is definitely not a matter of compulsion.
Remember marriage between a man and his wife is a model of the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32) and one thing that is pretty obvious from the union between Christ and the church, it is the fact that it is not a by-force thing.
Marriage should originate from the consent between two people, yes, one person must initiate it, but the other party must be willing and desirous of the union, not manipulated or coerced into agreeing to the other person.
Someone might want to excuse arranged marriage during our parents time (and maybe even now in some places and culture) and how some of these arrangement has produced good marriages, but they have also produced resentment between couples and parents, and bad marriages too, so, why not go for the ideal in a bid to reduce the amount of failed marriages.
Secondly, God can tell you who to marry, but…
I am not going to say God doesn’t speak in that regards to the choice of a marriage partner because truthfully He does. God’s children are led by God in all areas of their lives, marriage inclusive. But the question I’d ask is this – Why did God choose to tell just one person? Aren’t you also a child of God? So why didn’t you get the leading too? You should both mutually feel led to embark on the journey, yes, it might start at different times and in different ways, both you both should be led.Both the guy and the lady should mutually feel led to embark on a journey to marriage, yes, it might start at different times and in different ways, both you both should be led. Click To Tweet
Dear single sisters, when you meet such people, do not start to tremble and question your salvation. Simply ask to seek God for yourself. You also should be led because you are equally a son of God. Take time to pray about it. If you do not feel led on the matter, please don’t stress yourself. Say your NO gracefully and move on. If you don’t have peace about this person, even if they say God led them to you, beware. It may not be God’s will for you. That absence of peace is definitely a red flag.When going into marriage, you really cannot afford to rely on one person’s testimony. Click To Tweet
You need to be personally convinced of what God is saying especially in a matter such as marriage. You’d need something to hold on to when the winds blow hard. Some believers can get so into their emotions and flesh that they confuse feelings with leading of the Spirit. That is why there is a need for you also to get a confirmation. In the mouth of two or three witnesses, the truth is established – 2 Corinthians 13:1, so you also ought to have a confirmation.You need to be personally convinced of what God is saying especially in a matter such as marriage. Click To Tweet
Dear single brothers, even if God did tell you she is your wife, you don’t have to use that as your wooing line. You surely can do better. If that’s all you’ve got to woo a woman then you need to learn from those who have gone before you: men like Solomon… See those lines in Songs of Solomon? You may need to meditate more on them.More seriously guys, we need to learn how to ask out sisters without being creepy or manipulative. Click To Tweet Dear single brothers, even if God did tell you she is your wife, you don’t have to use that as your wooing line Click To Tweet
When it comes to marriage, the dangerous thing about playing the God-told-me card is it can lead to confusion on the side of the lady especially if she isn’t fully matured in God. Or you get married to someone who just married you out of fear and anxiety rather than from a place of love.
I pray God gives us wisdom even in this matter. Amen!