There is no doubt that dating takes a lot of work and effort. There are things to consider, things to be done to keep the relationship alive, places to visit, dates to plan and a communication train to maintain. But what then happens in a situation of having been single for a very long period and you get into a relationship? What comes next?
Who is ready for a story?
Tioluwani had dated someone she had met in the University and the relationship was beautiful while it lasted. Like some good things in life, this relationship came to an end. For a while she was fine with it and was enjoying being single. She however became worried after one year and it seemed that she wasn’t getting back into the dating scene any sooner. Not that they were as a result of character flaws or that guys just all of a sudden found her unattractive but for some reason she remained single. One year turned into two, and two turned into three. Like every normal person Tiolu was already getting worried. She however had maintained good relationships with her friends (male and female). One day out of the blue, one of her close friends who she admittedly liked told her he liked her too and he wanted to start a romantic relationship with her.
Great news right?!
It is shocking to know however that amidst her joy for the reciprocated feeling, she was confused as to what next. How do you change your relationship with that close friend from just friends to something more? What do you have to do that ticks the box of a change in relationship status.
Understanding that there are a few people just like Tiolu who seem to have forgotten how to be in a relationship, I would try to offer a few suggestions on what to do next after getting into a relationship.
Communication in a relationship cannot be overemphasized. People who were very good friends before they started dating seem to have better communication trains as friends than when they become lovers. This should not be the case because the start of the relationship isn’t the final stop.
Talk about everything and anything. I must mention that this should not be forced at least not all the time. Let your conversation be spontaneous. Talk about trends on social media, discuss societal and cultural issues, and talk about how you grew up, family values and so many other things. Just as it is important to talk about everything from the little things to the big things, it is also important that in this time of dating you listen and pay attention to details. This would serve as signs to continue or end the relationship.
Confused about questions to ask or topics to talk about? Surprisingly, the internet has an answer for almost everything – this included. Remember do not turn it into an interview for the nine o’clock news but instead make it in a fun way.
You can turn those questions into fun games like “Never-Have-I-Ever”, “Twenty Questions”, and “Would You Rather, This or That” and so on. This way you hardly ever run out of questions or subjects to discuss and you get to know more about the person. You might even realize that you would use a month to answer the twenty questions on your list because one question can breed twenty more questions under it that have nothing to do with the questions on your list. Allow the conversations to flow easily and do not push to ask questions just so you can tick any box.
Remember communication does not have to be rigid, it can be fun, informative and it builds the relationship.
Lastly, don’t go a day without communicating.Remember communication does not have to be rigid, it can be fun, informative and it builds the relationship. Click To Tweet
2. NEVER BE TOO BUSY TO MAKE TIME FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE:
Life as a single person is hard enough not to talk more of adding the responsibility of being accountable to someone else’s feelings to it. Especially in a state as toxic and exhausting as Lagos state and it is completely understandable to not want to go out on your free day, or to come back from work only to have date nights with your significant other. But you have to understand that it is very important as a build up for your romantic relationship. You don’t have to do anything fancy or expensive all the time. All that is important is that you both make out time for that special someone.
Dates could be spontaneous or not based off of what both parties agree on. Go see a movie, go watch your favourite artists play, stay home and ‘Netflix and Chill’ but most of all have fun and enjoy each other’s company.Dates don’t have to do anything fancy or expensive all the time. All that is important is that you both make out time for that special someone. Click To Tweet
3. GET INVOLVED IN EACH OTHER’S LIVES WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF TO THE RELATIONSHIP:
Getting involved with each other’s lives is something even I am still getting used to because there is usually this tiny voice in your head telling you to stop being intrusive. But no matter what that voice says you have to remember that it is important to get involved with one another.
Getting involved can include knowing major and minor projects your partner is embarking on, encouraging your partner, making plans together, and knowing when the person is going through something bad or something good. This brings about accountability on both your parts and helps you grow together.
Let me just point out that while doing this it is very IMPORTANT to not lose yourself in the process. Do not make the relationship the start and end of your life and that finding a balance in this new journey is as important as been in the journey.Do not make the relationship the start and end of your life Click To Tweet
Above all, congratulations on being in this new phase, have fun, pray for guidance, enjoy the process of getting to know one another, be accountable for one another, be friends still and live in the moment.
I hope I was able to be of some sort of assistance guiding you through your fears regarding this new phase of your life? Oh and let me mention one more thing, read books on dating and courtship because they usually help.
Hope you picked up a thing or two? It would be good to read a comment from you.
Read also: Reasons Why You Might Still Be Single