The apartment I stayed during the course of my NYSC program, though way beyond my status as a youth corps member had only one fault- the controls to the shower were always electrocuting. (shocks in common language). As a trained Electrical & Electronics Engineer, I tried all I could, totally disconnected the Hot-Water heater for its source, but nothing.
At the early stage, the shock was quite bearable, just small tingling once in a while. I’d just bluff “static current” anytime I felt the tingling sensation.
One morning, my housemate warned me about the shower control knob, but I ignored the warning and said it was just static current. Try not to picture this, but imagine being stark naked in the bathroom, covered with soapy water… I touched the knob and got the shock of my life. From that day, I never touched that knob again, I did not even make an attempt, the best I did was use a clothing or anything that could provide an insulation.
After couple of months, this same housemate told me that the knob wasn’t electrocuting anymore. However, I’ve learnt something about negative information or experiences, they stick around much longer. So, still, I didn’t attempt touching the shower knobs for another couple of months.
One day I decided to try it out, of course, after fighting the thought while standing in front of these lifeless knobs more than 5 minutes, I used my towel as a hand glove, and slightly scraped my hand against the knob, I felt nothing, I tried again, still with a slight contact, I felt nothing. But I bluffed that it probably because I didn’t make the contact well.
Not until later that week, after making several slight contacts with the knob, did I finally grab the shower knob, and lo and behold, it wasn’t shocking anymore. I struggled with the psychology, or let me say, the residual memory of the electrocution I had until that day.
By now, I’m sure you must have inferred the point I want to drive the story. FACE YOUR FEARS/PAST, trust me it’s not a myth.
THE BOTTLE-IN METHOD: It’s much easier to bottle in the previous ugly memories and hurt you have experienced, but it’s more of a lazy approach. People use the excuse that “they don’t want to be hurt any further” as a reason to justify this method. But it doesn’t eliminate the hurt. It’s like pushing down a garbage in a bin, it might look smaller, but it hasn’t removed anything from it.
This is like a young girl that was molested by say an older relative and hasn’t mentioned it to a single person, and she is in her early twenties now. What happens when something triggers that memory? Trust me, there are enough things to trigger such memory. She might have forgiven the person, but the pain and bitterness will still be there. But compare this to if she walks up to the person (or any other communication medium) and asks all the WHY questions she nurtured, and just ends it. It will be like a weight was lifted off from her.
This can be related to any other form of ugly memories.
I was never free from one until I shared it in a group meeting, though it started from telling a big brother of mine. Now, it has become a story to give advice and encourage others, no more the hurt it used to be.
I am not promising that this process/method will be easy, it is not. But once you face it, it ends there. It’s more a little child that fears darkness and was locked up alone in a dark room all night. That will be the last time she’ll ever fear the dark
if she survives the night.
Like Kimberly Elise’s role in Woman Thou Art Loosed, bring out that bloodstained cloth you’ve locked up for years, look for the phone number, address…of the person and reach them. It will almost be unbearable at that moment, but it will end there.
More advice; you might use a trusted third party, in the case, it’s just too hard to face the person.
And it might not be someone, I never got over the loss of my elder brother until I stopped seeing God as wicked for not healing him. Now I believe that had the inclination that he is in a better place now.
Thank you for reading, I’ll be waiting to see your comment.
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