Discontented! That’s how I feel right now.
Discontented with my relationship and my life in general. I want what other people have. I want it so bad that I can’t seem to see the innumerable blessings I have right in front of me.
At the moment, I am in a house with people who are about to get married, and I must confess that I feel a little jealous. They are legally engaged. What I mean by this is that they are official – the guy has gone to ask the lady’s family for permission to marry her, so wedding plans have kicked off.
If you know Nigeria, this is major. So everyone, including their parents give them the freedom to be together (spend time together asides fornication). Well, I am in a relationship but it is not ‘legal’ yet. We know each other’s parents but nothing formal has been done yet, so we are kinda walking on egg shells.
So when I see these people all happy and free, I am happy for them, but I find myself being envious. The thing is, I shouldn’t be because I know it’s not quite time yet. I should be grateful that things are going slowly now, because when it is time, I know it will all happen quickly.
In the mean time, I have so much to be thankful for in my relationship. I have the most caring boy friend, he came all the way (he traveled like 10 hours ) just to see me, on very short notice! He is very attentive, our communication is on point – we communicate even more than most married people (most times), we support each other, he encourages me, he understands me, he loves me and above all, we love God together. So why am I anxious, jealous or envious? Good question.
Most times, I don’t want to go on social media because everyone seems to be having ‘fun’, or their lives seem to be going exactly as planned, or at least they seem to be putting up a good show!
It makes me look at my life and frown, but somehow I know that shouldn’t be the case. My life is going well, in a few days, I will be graduating from a prestigious university with a distinction that I totally thought I wouldn’t be able to obtain, I am able to attend my graduation due to God’s favour (which is the story of my life – people just offer to take up my expenses), I am in the process of applying for my PhD, I am able to do what I want when I want, I have great friends and sisters who love me, and above all, I have a good good Father.
No, I don’t have fun the way other people seem to be having fun, I don’t laugh out loud often, I don’t do crazy or ‘extra ordinary’ things, worst of all, I don’t take the best pictures at all, (I have been stressing about how I would look on grad day), so I have very few pictures on social media. However, maybe I am not photogenic, but I am beautiful, I am smart and God loves me. Nothing can change these things! So why am I discontent? Why am I comparing my life to others and feeling like it doesn’t measure up? Good question.
Maybe because I don’t give my worries to God as I should, or maybe it’s because I don’t read His word as I should, or maybe, just maybe, because I don’t reflect on God’s goodness as much as I should be. Lol, I must confess, I guess it’s a combination of all.
God’s words to me (note to self):
Pray more, worry less, focus on God more and less on man. Love your story D., Live your story, own your life and be happy. Count your blessings name them one by one!
Note to you;
I decided to share my personal thoughts with you because I believe they would help someone (including myself, when I read it over again). This is the story of my life, I often find myself comparing myself to others and that makes me unhappy. It doesn’t make sense anyway, because we are all on different paths and running with different goals in mind. So if I know all these things, why do I still find myself discontented?
It is this question that birthed this write – up. God’s word encouraged me in the midst of my writing this and I feel better. The words He gave me, I have given you, so be encouraged!
Pray, meditate and count your blessings as often as you can, this is the key to contentment. God bless you!
Also by Miss Anonymous