Hello, beautiful one! (Yes, I am aware even guys might be reading this. You are also beautiful ?)
So this is in fulfilment of the promise I made in the Dear Single Brothers post… Let’s get started already?
Dear Single Sister,
I have a lot to say to you. I’m going to take it bit by bit…
Let’s start with one of the major issues. The concept of zoning! Enh enh.. don’t laugh o, just pay attention. More than half of single sisters today have either zoned or are currently zoning a son(s) of God. For those that don’t know what zoning means, zoning is putting an obviously interested brother in any other zone than the zone he ought or wants to be – the husband or husband-to-be zone. Examples of such zones include: brother zone, son zone, mentor zone, pastor zone (this one is the most painful to me), accountability partner zone, cousin zone and the list is endless. See enh, no matter how funny it seems or how we want to make it seem, zoning is in a way deception. Because you know you aren’t interested in that brother and yet you collect all the goodies and partake in the goodness of the wifey or wifey-to-be portion.
I know sincerely that favour is your name and most times you don’t ask for them but discretion is key in matters like this. If you don’t exercise discretion and self-discipline, you might end up leading one, two, three or more brothers astray.
Number two is the subject of our tongue. Oya pause this reading, touch your mouth and say, “Father, help me bridle my tongue!!!” Amen! See as ladies, it is very easy to want to talk about everything but some things are better left unsaid. I know it is not wrong if you share with your roommates that pastor xyz asked you out. But the way you go about it matters a lot. And who even said you must tell?
How about when someone asks you out and you aren’t interested.. a “no, thank you” would be fine. Not “hahan! A whole minister of the gospel like you… blah blah..” The way some sisters finish a brother’s ministry with mouth simply because he is interested and they aren’t is just not graceful. You mustn’t forget that he is a child of God and God doesn’t play with His children anyhow.
Many times it’s out of excitement or the itchiness to just gist that we ‘mis-talk’. Some other times, some young men don’t just get the word ‘no’ and it can be frustrating. Even then I believe that with the help of the Holy Spirit and discipline, we can be graceful in our speech in the face of whatever.
On the issue of our outward appearance. Hmmmm, dear sisters, I promise not to give you a list of dos and don’ts when it comes to dressing. But you see before a man sees you as a woman of virtue, he sees the outside first. It is God that looks at the heart remember?
Like I always say, shabbiness is not a fruit of the spirit! It doesn’t matter your denomination or unit. And some sisters are just too serious. Come on, rejoice! Jesus has risen from the grave. There’s no reason not to smile and look good. And just so you know also there is no law that says you must wear oversize. I’m just saying…
Don’t get me wrong, I stand for purity and if you know me, you’d know I’m pro-modesty because I believe as a daughter of God, you are royalty and precious. You don’t have to wait until your pastor’s wife or unit head starts to bring one big scarf to you every Sunday to cover your legs. When you dress modestly, it is beyond you. You honour and represent heaven…
In the process of being modest, you should also be fashionable too. It’s okay to smell good, it’s okay to look sharp, it’s also okay to have your hair in good shape and your clothes ironed. In fact, if you pay attention to the Holy Spirit, I am doubly sure He’d instruct you even in matters of your dressing and would save you from colour blocking and other fashion blunders.
Be you! You are unique and fine in your own skin. You only have to accept that and be comfortable in being you.God that packed you with so much melanin wasn't dozing when he did so. Click To Tweet
God that chose to make you as short as I am or shorter definitely did it on purpose. So who are you now to say that isn’t good enough when you don’t know more than God. On the issue of cosmetics and makeup, some people go overboard and it just always makes my chest do somehow when I see such. Hmmmm.. moderation is key in all.
I must also say that a lot of attention should be placed on the inner man. Don’t go about doing #modestSlayer when your house (the real you) is left unkempt. Pay attention to the development of the fruit of the Spirit in your life. Be nice, be loving, be honest, be graceful in your conversation. That is what is attractive even to God (1 Pet 3:4) talk less of men because charm and beauty would fade.. (provs 31:30)
Let me dwell a little on the issue of humility. Dear fine daughters of Zion, there is no beauty or fineness that has ‘befallen’ you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful to help you not get proud. I know it is not easy to be fine (*rolling my eyes*)… But as a single sister, humility is key. If not, you’ll use your shoulder pad to send your husband away. So bring down the shoulder enh
I’m stopping already… lol!
A lot of ladies since they were 16 (abi at what age do ladies start to think about marriage?) have made becoming Mrs. Somebody their sole life purpose. Is it bad to anticipate and prepare for marriage? No! What’s unhealthy is you have it at the sole of your life such that God (that ought to be the centre of your life whether single or married) takes the back seat. Your time of singleness as a woman should be to build up yourself, seek God’s will for your life and His purpose for you because that is what is supposed to inform your choice of life partner anyway.It's unhealthy to have marriage at the sole of your life such that God takes the back seat. Click To Tweet
A quick one: even when
you find the man the man finds you, don’t resume wifey duties until you are officially a wifey.. two seconds to being married doesn’t make you a wife even if you have rings on all your ten fingers.
So don’t get all pressured and caught up in the whole marriage thingy. Marriage is a beautiful thing but life before too can beautiful. Leave those your aunties and family members that are already choosing cockroach brown and danfo yellow as your aso-ebi. Don’t give into pressure. Some would assume the role of time keeper over your ‘biological clock’, you should never forget though that your times are in God’s hands.
So relax, again I say to you relax! Enjoy God in this period and at the right time, the right man would find you?
Phew! Now I have a lot of things to say, but like my senior brother St. Paul (yes, we are saints in my family.. gloryyyyy!) I doubt that we can bear it all now.. as this post mustn’t be longer than necessary.. hehehe!
I hope we have learnt a lot. So men and brethren, we can continue this in the comment box.. it seems like the sisters didn’t have much to say to the brothers in the Dear Brothers post… Take advantage of this post to give that sisterly advice you have been meaning to give.
Don’t forget to share also. Thank you in advance.
With plenty of love,
Your sister in the Lord… xoxo
Ozioma Paul Amaka