I believe that there are some people who are nothing but toxic and whose presence in our lives and in our space is nothing but detrimental to our growth and progress. Such people we need to cut out of our life.
From casual friendship to business or professional association, we will always have those people whose ideas to life and living it is in complete opposite direction to what we are trying to achieve. People who are bitter and always negative. People who are envious of us and will do anything to bring us down. People who love fights and will refuse to settle quarel, and are always at a logger head with you. Yes, we need to rid our lives of such individuals.
But cutting people out of your life is not the solution to all relationship problems.But cutting people out of your life is not the solution to all relationship problems. Click To Tweet
I believe that’s the first thing we need to settle and agree on. Not everyone is meant to be cut out of our lives, even the seeming toxic ones. There are other solutions to handling toxic people asides from completely eliminating them from your life.
If you eliminate everyone at the slightest actions that seem toxic to you, who will you have left in your life? Have you ever questioned why you have very little or no deep and long term friendships and relationships? Friends and good people who mean well will step on your toes from time to time.
So, how do you handle seemingly toxic people and relationships without cutting them off?
1. Try your best not to project your fears, frustrations/pain on people.
It’s important to understand the phase you are in per time, or what is happening in your life at that period. Have you noticed that there are some stages of life where cutting people out of your life is very easy and like the one drug fix all. Maybe you are going through depression, a hard time at work, failing career and business…generally, accumulated frustration oftentimes influences how you solve the relational problems of your life.
And one thing I have noticed personally with myself is that I have little energy to deal with people, or try to explain or accommodate people to it becomes very easy to just drop them off your life. Minus one trouble right?
Don’t transfer the hurt or dissatisfaction from one aspect of your life to the others. Two wrongs won’t make a right. Don’t ruin a potential good relationship by a momentary difficulty.Don't transfer the hurt or dissatisfaction from one aspect of your life to the others. Don't ruin a potential good relationship by a momentary difficulty. Click To Tweet
It takes a lot of intentionality and maturity to ensure one aspect of your life doesn’t interfere negatively onto others. Oftentimes we are nasty and irritating when we things are not all cool with us and we take it on people who are just being friends.
2. Don’t always seek the easiest way out.
The easiest or the most convenient solution to a problem is not always the best method to solve the problem, and cutting people off is sometimes the easiest thing to do. Solving quarrel is hard! Telling someone they’ve hurt you after you’ve told them a couple of times is harder.
If you are going to resolve to cutting them off, make sure you have tried every other solutions possible.The easiest or the most convenient solution to a problem is not always the best method to solve the problem. Click To Tweet
3. Don’t assume people know… Be open about how you feel.
Be open about how you are feeling. Your frustrations, your dissatisfaction, what people have done to hurt and anger you.
If I know you are probably having a very hard time/season, it will be easy to understand and be patient when communication isn’t the way I want it, I will understand if you snap and the likes.
Don’t leave those people or person to assume, lay it out there. Especially early while something can still be done in the situation where something can be done.
I have seen many cases where a simple explanation could have solved a prolonged beef between friends. But one assumed that the other should know that he has offended him, whereas he had no idea.
Confrontation will forever be a better way to conflict resolution than avoidance will.Confrontation will forever be a better way to conflict resolution than avoidance will. Click To Tweet
4. Include people in the solution.
Making the people you would have cut out of your life as part of the solution to whatever the situation is one huge and better way to solve issues.
Think of actions plans that would bring a solution and get them on it. It might even be oblivious to them why you are asking them to do that, but you know that will bring a solution.
Take for instance a friend who is so negative every time, get a book/course/program on positivity and ask them the person to join you on it, or help you read and review. You get the idea?
What this does it to also make you see them in a good light, as part of the solutions, something to keep around and not a part of the problem. Or to just focus on that habit in them that needs to be fixed and not them. More like not throwing out the bath water and the baby.Resolve conflict don't avoid it and cut people out of your life. Click To Tweet
5. Put them at arms length.
Before deciding that someone needs to go completely out of your life. Put them at a distance, where you can see if they have change, but where they can cause any further damage.
Everyone deserves multiple chances. Imagine everyone cuts us out every time we go off? We need to extend a level of grace to others.
You might not bring the person into your personal space or business, but don’t cut them off completely just yet.Before deciding that someone needs to go completely out of your life. Put them at a distance, where you can see if they have change, but where they can cause any further damage. Extend a level of grace to them. Click To Tweet
I hope these four points have been able to offer a bit of wisdom. If the person or case is impossible to solve or resolve, please cut them out of your life by all means. I look forward to your comment where I hope you’ll share more ideas on how to stop cutting people out of your life, or how you deal with toxic and difficult people.