A while ago, I was talking with a friend of mine and he asked, “Do you think one can even get to a point where he/she can say, ‘I love this person enough to marry him/her’?…” And I asked… Is love enough to marry?
Truth is there are so many other factors… to be considered when getting married. Love truly isn’t enough. And when you talk about love, I’m sure you’d think the feelings aka emotions aka chemistry aka butterflies-in-the-tummy but the fact is people change and feelings fade, so if we talk about love in this regard, it definitely has to be something deeper. It has to be love that’s committed to keeping at it even when feelings fade.
Having said love is not enough, one may wonder… what else could be worth considering??? I mean, I’ve met the love of my life that makes my tummy rumble (I always secretly wonder if this ever happens in reality though), who makes me grin from dawn to dusk, checks all the check-boxes on my list… what else could be worth considering?-
For starters, you have to feel the same way about yourselves and about God. The whole love stuff can’t be one-sided (This is usually frustrating even for both parties). You also have to believe the same things about God even if you both are believers. So one person can’t believe in grace and the finished work of Christ while the other believes and hopes to be saved by works. No, that won’t work. They would need to sit down with their bibles and come to a conclusion. This is because a sure home can’t be built on such a foundation. The spiritual atmosphere of the home and even the belief system of the children strongly depends on this.
As a believer, you have a certain relationship with God and you just have to be with someone who at the very least relates to God in the same way. This can’t be done by you… these relationships aren’t ‘made’, they are cultivated. So you can’t make him/her love God… Nah, that’s not your job. It’s the Holy Spirit that causes a man respond to the love of God. You can sow the seed and all of that.. but you get my point, ba?
You also would need to pay attention to genotype and other health compatibility issues.
Number 2, capacity.
You need to ask yourself this question, “Is this person capable to handle a relationship/marriage?” and be honest in your answer. Is this person able financially, emotionally and spiritually to make a marriage work? Imagine a relationship/marriage where both parties can’t fend for themselves or still rely on third parties for the basic needs of life… that relationship is calling seriously for drama.
Maturity is also something you need to look out for. And please people… I am not talking about ‘I am 25 and a graduate’, No.
Maturity doesn't exactly have to do with age. Maturity is measurable. So by the way a fellow talks, acts, thinks and relates with others, you can to a great extent determine how mature he/she is. Click To Tweet
He/she must know what it means to love/submit. Beyond you, you need to watch for how he/she treats others. If you are the only one he/she is nice to, we have a problem o.
The person has to be mature with proofs (fruits, evidence). You may need to pay attention to how the person makes decisions, what majorly influences the choices he/she makes….?He/she should have at least someone who he/she is submitted to… someone who can say seat and he/she would seat. This is very critical. The only one who loves and is submitted to authority would be able to fit into these roles in marriage.
Fourthly, I know you have heard this before but Character matters! You also need to look beyond the butterflies holding a parade in your tummy and watch out for character flaws that are capable of wrecking you/the marriage. Don’t stay and be hoping he/she would change. It is not exactly up to you to effect change in another person. And if after pointing it out to the fellow’s notice, he/she isn’t exactly willing to change, hear ye the word of the Lord and flee!
If you are like me, you are probably wondering.. whoa, so many things to look out for. How can I be sure that I don’t make a mistake? Like I always reassure myself, I’ll reassure you too… God is in charge of your life and has got things figured out already. Rely on the Holy Spirit for directions and you just would never miss it. God who created you knows your perfect size and fit and He’d work it out for you. Just be sure that when He says go, you go and when he says wait, you wait.
In conclusion, remember a broken relationship/engagement is far better than a broken marriage. Don’t be afraid to walk away from someone you know isn’t ready or God’s will for you. Don’t close your eyes to the obvious just because of ‘love’… when the challenges would begin to surface, even the butterflies would no longer be there, let alone comfort or rescue you. 🙂 (I know I am saying butterflies a lot, I just like the concept.. lol).
I trust you get my point and this has been a blessing.. in this season and month of love, do well to share this with your friends and everyone else… Even if you think they are aware, a reminder never hurts.
Feel free to let me know what you think. Leave a comment and share with a friend. Selah.
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