I am in-between sessions, been doing some research and stuff but my mind has been wondering. I have decided to write out my thought process so that I could better analyse it and so that I can move on with my research in peace.
I have noticed that all through my life, I barely have recollections of the stages I have passed through. I have always wondered why, and I have never really understood. Even right now, it’s not as though I have the answer, but the picture is becoming clearer.
Let me start this third paragraph by giving an example. All through my university days, once I left one accommodation and moved to the next, I could never recollect the experience of living in the previous accommodation. On the days I had any reason to go back; it was like I had never been there. If somehow, I remembered anything at all, it would be the bad experiences. Let me shock you- sometimes, I don’t remember what my parents or my siblings look like… yeah, it’s true (at this point, if comments come in telling me that I am not alone, I’d really appreciate it). Worst of all, I barely recollect my childhood. Maybe something terrible happened to make me this way, or maybe nothing terrible happened, I have no idea. But as I woke up this morning, the thought came to me, the thought that I have not really been living. It is true that I have existed for quite some time on this earth, but since morning I have begun to ask myself, “Have I really been living?” In case you are wondering, yes, I am a Christian, yes I Love the Lord and yes I have spent most of my life serving Him. All through my life, I have had people tell me to loosen up and I had never once even taken those words seriously till this morning when I realized that most of my life, I have been in bondage, enslaved by people’s image of me.
I have always been a person who prided myself in not caring about people’s opinions of me, but now that I am being honest, I think I have always cared about how they see me. This has kept me from living free. I have been so uptight that somewhere along the line, I forgot that God made me so that I would reflect His Gloryis glory if I don’t live. . I know my sentences seem incoherent, but stay with me, you will understand where I am going in a second. I was uptight and therefore, I expected everyone else around me to live by these standards. When I overcame that, I didn’t expect them to live by my standards anymore but I classified people based on these standards. I have been so proud and judgemental all the while thinking that I was championing God’s cause, what arrogance! Even as I write this, I smile because, I am glad that now, I know better. I am getting ready to have the time of my life, to live a life that pleases God while accepting my uniqueness and letting others have theirs.
Please note, that I am in no way implying that people shouldn’t live for God or that they shouldn’t care what anyone says (especially when they are obviously doing the wrong things)…God forbid that I speak such heresy. What I am saying is,
“Don’t be too serious that you forget to enjoy little moments that make the hard times worth enduring, don’t be so ‘ judgey’ that you don’t give people the chance to teach you, don’t be such a narrow vessel that you can’t reflect His Glory, don’t be so distant that His light cant shine through you and finally, let people know that you don’t condone sin, but please, by all means live!”
Today, I took a bold step, I mingled with my classmates, not mechanically (i.e. just because the word instructs it), but genuinely. I shared and I listened, I was genuinely interested and I acted freely.
Now, I am extremely excited because I can wear the kinds of clothes I like ?? (decent clothes of course) without thinking that I will be different, I can pack my hair as I would like ?? (moderately of course) even if I were the only one looking like that, I can enjoy my relationship without comparing the relationship or ‘babe’ to other people, I can love us ?and accept that we are different and we may never have pictures that people would like and say #fresh, I may never become a public figure loved by all, but, I can enjoy every moment of my life and create memories……………
WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! I can live!
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