The Sexual Experience At Age 4 – #MyDamagedStory

It wouldn’t have happened if my parents took a closer watch on me, I’m definitely not putting the blame on them, but they have their part to play. I must say, till date they don’t know any of what I am about to share.

Our house back then was a flat among many others in a big compound. The way the houses are built, there is unrestricted access between these flats.

I left my house that fateful afternoon to visit our neighbour. Not knowing exactly that what I will be meeting will change the course of my life. Their parents were not at home neither were their other siblings, but I met the brother pants off on his sister. Yes, siblings, though they were very young back then, and so was I. I should be between my 4th or 5th birthday. He invited me over to join and told me what to do, where to put what and the other details one of which is how I will feel as if I want to urinate and bla bla bla…

So it happened there and one other time. That was the end, but that was the very beginning, I was damaged.

That single act that happened only twice, left a mighty ripple effect in my life, it ruined me. Although I wasn’t privileged to have access to having sex, but a passion was unleashed in me far too prematurely. Believe me, I didn’t even know what I did. I had never even heard the word sex before talk-less of knowing what it means. I enjoyed it though, but it’s effect lingered for a very long time.

My sexual urge has been awoken from that tender age, but because there was very little I could do physical wise apart from fondling dolls and myself (and yes I did a lot of those). I guess you can call that masturbation. I practically get aroused at the littlest close contact with any human being in a skirt (female gender I mean). The battle was in my mind. It was raging and it was strong and all this while till my JSS 3 no one knew about all these but myself. But we serve such a loving God that even in that depraved state of yours He still places a restriction on what you can do or how far from remedy you go. He kept me from going too far, just like He kept Abimelech from sleeping with Sarah Abraham’s wife. (Gen 20:2-6).

But I was damaged.

My healing process started right after I gave my heart to Jesus (this is always the first step). I started getting tired of the constant image in my head, the dreams and the sexual urges. Not knowing what to do, but I wanted this to end very desperately. So I approached a “notable spiritual figure in my secondary school”.  Opened up to him, told him the full story. I thought I was going to need deliverance or an hour-long session of prayers and fasting, but the solution was too easy.

All he asked me to do was to give myself to an ardent reading/studying of my bible. He encouraged me to focus on cultivating a personal walk with God, building a strong intimacy with Him, and see how that stronghold will break off itself, and just as he advised me, I didn’t know when everything stopped, it was as if reading the bible and praying consistently replaced all the available space the urges and the addiction occupied. It was like two sides of a balance, as one increased the other reduced and vice versa.

I am in my twenties now and I am still delivered, at least as long as I stay connected to God in worship, personal devotion and group fellowship. And I bet you can be healed too, in the same way as I was. Thank you, Tolu for this medium to share my story. I hope it helps someone.

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