Love Talk: What Are You Looking For?

Bride and bridegroom cake decoration on top of wedding cakeIn the past months, I have been hearing of my primary, secondary and even university mates getting married. Even my cousins are getting married too. I am supposed to be feeling pressured, but I am not, even despite the fact that my parents are knocking heaven’s door on my behalf ?. Oh well…

Following through those that are already married has roused certain questions in my mind. In seeking answers to these questions, I met with a very cute friend of mine, who is deeply passionate about this aspect of our life. And I thought I should share her views with you, which, by the way, left me bedazzled.

Me: Hi babe! What’s up?

Janet: Hey girl! I am good oh! What’s going on? All our mates are getting married!

Me: As in ehn! But, come to think of it. As more people are getting married, more people are getting divorced. Why? Is it that they have not found what they are looking for?

Janet: Well, basically, I don’t know. I am not in their heads, minds or hearts. (Lol)

Me: (Lol) Let me ask you then. What is that special thing you are looking for?

Janet: You know how petite I am, and how I am “smaller” than the shortest person on campus. Well, I have always thought to myself how warmly it would be spending the rest of my life with a person that doesn’t make what is already obvious, obvious all over again. I mean, I get to be teased all day outside. Coming home, I want to breathe fresh air, like let me hear something new that doesn’t have to do with my stature.

Me: Wow! I see! Hmmm… Do you think you will be able to find what you are looking for?

Janet: No, actually. You see, majority of us make this kind of mistake. We are looking for a “human” (flesh and blood) that has the capacity and capabilities to save us from our shortcomings for life. We keep searching, then think we have found what we are looking for, and as time passes, the truth about our “result” begins to unveil. We get frustrated realizing that our “superhero” was never capable in the first place, and we want to quickly back out. We all have, over time, tend to lose sight of one very crucial truth about relationships. The “faith” of our “fantasies” can never be fulfilled by humans. All humans have shortcomings; each person looking for the same thing you are looking for. I, personally, put the “faith” of my “fantasies” becoming a reality in the reality of God’s kind of Faith in the institution He Himself created. Meaning, His desires for me overrides my one thousand and one wishlists that surely can never stand the test of time, in the real sense of it. But you see, when God is the driver of your passion and fantasies, you will dream right, you will hope right, you will seek right, and you will love right.

Me: Babe, you just got me into the deeps right there! You made mention of “one thousand and one wishlists”. What’s wit that? On a serious note though, what are you looking forward to seeing in your relationship and marriage?

Janet: First of all, let me state that I look forward to being with a man I can submit to and having the man cherish me reciprocally. My “smallness fantasy” was one of my fantasies. But, with maturity, I know such fantasy cant’t stand the test of time. Let me tell you what is highly paramount to me. As a woman, I am a follower, and I need a leader. As a daughter of God and believer of the Gospel, I have a destiny to fulfill. This implies that I have a duty to locate the right leader that would keep leading me on to Christ till eternity. I am looking for a partner to do life with, a partner who does life, each passing day, in Christ. In reality, this is the bedrock of a sustainable relationship and marriage. Casting Crowns rightly put it in the song lyric of Broken Together, Thrive Album;

“Maybe you and I were never made to be complete

Could we just be broken together

If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine

Could healing still be spoken and save us

The only way we’ll last forever

Is broken together”

You see, the only way relationships would last is both partners coming together, broken as they are, with their gaze fixed on Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith, in whom the realities of our fantasies ceaselessly find expression.

Me: *Bedazzled* (See rhema!) Yaaaay! This is it!

Janet: Haha! Gerrarehia mehn!

That was amazing, wasn’t it? I believe some atom of truth has struck your soul. So now, before you go up (and down) that aisle, before you propose to her, before you say “I do”, let me ask you, “What, exactly, are you looking for?

Be sure to want what really counts and you MUST NOT settle till you find it.

Thank you for reading, you will love to read these articles below also; ???

Traits you SHOULD Look for in a Spouse
Choosing a Life Partner: Dealing with Lofty Expectations and Factual Differences
Choosing a Life Partner: Must She be BEAUTIFUL?

Image by © Corbis

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About author


Tolulope Oludapo is a young Christian who lends his voice through the media by sharing practical wisdom for everyday living in the most experiential and simplified fashion. This has fetched him the direct followership of over 30,000 users on his blog, A blog he founded. He loves to write on varying subjects that affect life, faith, relationship...everyday living.
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