No one enters a relationship just for it to end in a breakup, No. It’s too much of a commitment to go in just to fail, except for a case of a dare, which would be sheer evil. But the reality is that a lot of people, by the way they approach or initiates their relationship are setting it on a path that’s doom to fail.

It’s like setting up a business just for it to crash or building a house just for it to fall.

I believe that if we are more intentional on how we approach starting and building our romantic relationship, we will experience more success, that is less breakup.

I believe that if we are more intentional on how we approach starting and building our romantic relationship, we will experience more success, that is less breakup. Click To Tweet

Here are ways you’re setting up your relationship for a failure;

1. Let’s see how this goes.

When you don’t clearly define the purpose, goal and destination of a relationship, then you are preparing it to go nowhere.

There are many cases where two people catch feelings for each other, they have been calling into 4am every day, going on date. Telling each other that they like each other and the likes. Then eventually one of the partners requests they define what’s happening. You know that “what are we question?”.

Then in response, you say, “let’s see how it goes”.

When you don’t clearly define the purpose, goal and destination of a relationship, then you are preparing it to go nowhere. Click To Tweet

Relationship set up for the aim of marriage fails now talkless of the one with no defined or clear goal.

What that statement or mindset does is that it rids the partners the commitment to see the relationship through storms and challenges.

Having no definite plan or goal for your relationship rids you or your partner the commitment to see the relationship through storms and challenges. It becomes very easy to give up. Click To Tweet

What you’ve done is to leave an easy escape route for the relationship.

What you need instead is “I’m in this relationship, I’m committed to making it work”. Or better still, “I want you, I want to walk this path to success with you”.

I am very much aware that relationships fail, and you can’t entirely predict the outcome of a relationship, but what you don’t do is plan for one to fail, you hope for the best and do your best.

Relationships fail, and you can’t entirely predict the outcome of a relationship, but what you don’t do is plan for one to fail, you hope for the best and do your best. Click To Tweet

2. Keeping it a secret/Let’s keep it just between the two of us.

Keeping a relationship a secret is another way to set it up to fail.

I am not necessarily a fan of putting your entire love life in the eyes of the public by sharing everything on social media but if your partner asks that you keep the status of your relationship just between the two of you, then it is very right to ask why?

If your partner asks that you keep the status of your relationship just between the two of you, then it is very right to ask why? Click To Tweet

Are they ashamed of you? Are they preparing for an easy exit? Are they in multiple relationships and don’t want other people they are dating or asking out to know, thus blocking their chances?

I know relationships that aren’t public but both partners are accountable to their close friends, mentors or pastors. Their parents know they are in a relationship. That is different if the knowledge of the relationship is known only to just the both of you, or if your partner is reluctant to let people know you are together, then you should ask questions.

If the knowledge of the relationship is known only to just the both of you, or if your partner is reluctant to let people know you are together, then you should ask questions. Click To Tweet

3. Hoping a major trait/situation changes.

This is another common one. Here you enter a dating relationship being fully aware of a trait or habit in your partner that you are sure you don’t like and can’t live with, but you proceed regardless, hoping things will change.

This also covers the case where you have some pretty distinct complications that might make the relationship very unlikely to succeed. Like genotype incompatibility, Faith or religion contradictions or even family or tribal differences, but like most people in love, we always hope for the best, most ignore those differences till the love high dies out and the differences become too glaring to ignore.

This is why it is always best to talk about every single differences or issue that might pose a risk to the relationship.

I know it is impossible to talk about every single thing, but the more you are able to address prior to the relationship the less surprise or issues you will have in the course of the relationship.

I know it is impossible to talk about every single thing, but the more you are able to address prior to the relationship the less surprise or issues you will have in the course of the relationship. Click To Tweet

Read – Questions To Ask Her Before Asking Her Out

4. Keeping secrets that might affect the relationship or future.

Partners sometimes are aware of something, an issue or challenge that poses a risk to the relationship. Take, for instance, a health or family issue, something about the past…maybe one that has ended previous relationships, but out of the fear of losing this person, you decide to keep those things from your partner.

Secrets can’t be kept forever, they always find their way to the limelight. And imagine how the partner will feel seeing you’ve deceived them all along.

Secrets can’t be kept forever, they always find their way to the limelight. And imagine how the partner will feel seeing you’ve deceived them all along. Click To Tweet

Honesty will forever be the best policy. As much as you might love and don’t want to lose the partner, be futuristic in your thinking and approach to building the relationship.

Tell them upfront, prepare them, get their opinion and you will be surprised that love will prevail.

Please don’t wait to marriage counselling or pre-marriage rest before you let those secrets out. 

5. Telling Lies

I know this is very similar to the previous post but I believe it’s worth its own mention.

Have you seen people who can lie? They lie about their age, employment status, who they are, everything!

They pose with a friend’s house or car to get a girl, lie about everything. It is even harder now where all the stakes are high and everyone is trying to make an impression or matchup to societal standard.

If you build your relationship or the perception and knowledge of you to your partner on lies, then you are setting that relationship to crash badly.

6. Taking Every Issue as a red flag / Responding negatively to every issue/ Turn every issue into a fight.

I believe your approach to issues determine how you resolve it.

When your response to every issue in your relationship is negative, you pick a fight about everything, if bae misses your call, then you’ve already assumed that they are cheating. If they don’t tell you where they are going, then you’ve already assumed that they are keeping a secret from you.

See, you will destroy the relationship by your negativity and pessimism. You will create a problem where none exist.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t address issues, but if your approach is negative, you’ve already assumed the worst, you won’t be patient enough to seek for a solution instead of an exit.

Thank you for reading, kindly contribute, tell us any point(s) we left out.

Read next – Things We Wish We Knew Before We Got Married – Loveology

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