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Love

Attraction vs Compatibility

If we are being sincere, we would agree that the real issues in relationships start to show between 8 months to 1 year. Of course, this is not the same for everyone, others notice these issues within a shorter or longer period. Either way, the point is, no relationship is void of real-life issues. Which brings me to talk about attraction and/or compatibility…

Attraction is different from Compatibility. However, the power to really do something, the power for commitment must come from within. 

First, we know that when it comes to choosing a partner, God will not choose for you. He didn’t choose for Adam, he has given us a will. What God will do is bring men around you but know that God will not alter the name you call those He brings around you.

We know that when it comes to choosing a partner, God will not choose for you. He didn’t choose for Adam, he has given us a will. What God will do is bring men around you, not give you a name. Click To Tweet

Now, that you’ve chosen, it’s time to check for compatibility and attraction. 

Attraction

Compatibility without attraction is ‘friendship’. You don’t want to start a relationship based on attraction alone. In layman’s term, Attraction opens the door, Compatibility keeps you both in the house.

Compatibility without attraction is ‘friendship’. You don’t want to start a relationship based on attraction alone. In layman’s term; Attraction opens the door, Compatibility keeps you both in the house. Click To Tweet

This is why you shouldn’t get married to someone you have no attraction for.

Let’s see what attraction is determined by;

– Appearance

Whether you like it or not, we many times get attracted to what we see. You hear a lot of ladies say, I want a man that is dark, tall, 6 packs, pink lips blah blah, you know what you fantasize or dream of. I can’t say the same for our brothers, but I know they also have an image of appearance they are attracted to. I’m not sure I can give a list myself but I know what I want when I see it. 

– Status

Lol, this one is what many people lately get attracted to. You hear, I no dey for surulere ooo, na olorunsogo. Humans get attracted to financial status, he is rich, he has class, she has connections, even spiritual status. I used to say I can’t ever marry a Pastor. If I’m being sincere, now I’m seriously looking to marry one, lol. You shouldn’t base your decision to marry anyone on this alone. 

– Sense of humour

Humour is sexy, permit me to use that word. Humour is attractive to both men and women, women like men who make them laugh and vice versa. A lot of people have gotten easily carried away because of someone’s sense of humour. That’s how attractive this is. 

– Chemistry

This is still a physical attraction, butterflies in the tummy. We know these things. 

– Charm or Attractive Personality:

5 things that make personality includes; confidence, passion, listening ears, ability to express yourself and optimism. When it comes to personality, you should know that personalities can be developed. 

All the listed above and much more are the different attractions people have. How then can you be with someone you feel no single attraction for. If you don’t, you shouldn’t be together. Just as I learnt from one of my mentors, I like to say Attraction in biblical terms is the FLESH OF MY FLESH. 

Compatibility

Attraction – Compatibility = Lust. It is lust and nothing more. The same way we don’t build relationships on attractions alone is the same we don’t build relationships or marriages on compatibility only. As believers, we need to get these things right. Why do you think we have some relationships among the unbelievers that work, because they know these principles, that you build relationships both on compatibility and attraction.

The same way we don’t build relationships on attractions alone is the same we don’t build relationships or marriages on compatibility only. Click To Tweet

I personally do not respect people that use the line, God says you are my wife /husband, this and that. Are we compatible? Do I find you attractive?

I personally do not respect people that use the line, God says you are my wife /husband, this and that. Are we compatible? Do I find you attractive? Click To Tweet

What are the things to look out for when talking about compatibility? 

  • Trust and Integrity: my love, that we are all Christians is not an automatic tick off ooo. I hope you know that even in the church, our spiritual growth isn’t on the same level. Please ask as many questions as you can especially in times when their defences are down. If he lies unprovoked, hmmm!
  • Intellectual Compatibility: do you understand him/her or are they strange to you? Even if you both are not on the same career paths, are you able to hold conversations? 
  • Their thoughts on the roles of husband and wife: observe the family background, know what your role will be when you marry them. Ask these questions, people of God.  I’ve seen people get married and start to argue about things that should have been asked while dating. For example, you see a post, let’s say on Twitter that says, it’s the woman’s job to clean and take care of the home, you can show your partner and ask, what do you think about this? 
  • Children: how do you want to raise your kids, how many do you both want to have, when
  • Communication and Intimacy: do you shout when you are angry? How do we resolve conflict? Are you open to communicating intelligently? Principles they hold dear
  • Energy and Ambition Level: life goals, do they mix business with pleasure? Financial and material target?
  • Level of Spirituality: do they still think the church is not for everyone as per where two or three are gathered, God is there. Do they put God first?
  • Personal predilections: what are their proclivities? Talk about weight gain and loss, the definition in the concept of things, how do we handle the opposite sex. 
  • Personal habits.
  • Social/Private: are they the ones that don’t want friends or visitors around you? Do they like to go to events? How much privacy do they want?

When it comes to compatibility, a lot of the above mentioned can be grown into depending on how open the person is but when choosing, make sure you both have a shared interest.  Ask them questions. You need to know. You should be at least 60% compatible in my own opinion.

All these being said, I pray for you to recognize people by grace and discernment in the spirit. 

When choosing, make sure you both have a shared interest, similar believes and agree on most of the fundamental things in life.  Ask them questions. You need to know. Click To Tweet

Written by Oluwadamilola Adejoro

Read also; SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY

Choosing a Life Partner: Must She be BEAUTIFUL?

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