Next to dating a public figure (which we discussed last week, DATING A PUBLIC FIGURE), the most dreaded kind of relationship is the one over a long distance, especially, separated by international boundaries.
In this post, are candid opinions of two guys and a lady whose relationship has evolved to the long distance kind, after a few years, or a few months of being together in Nigeria.
Kindly pardon the language of the chat, it was over a messaging application, thus the shorthand and smileys. And also, the participants want to remain anonymous, thus the Mr X, Miss Z and Mr S.
Mr X in USA (He’s on the line)
Tee Abraham: How have u found ur relationship since you’ve bn there.?
Mr X: Long distance has its advantages and disadvantages.
To be candid with you, it’s very easy for breakup to happen to a long distance relationship.There are so many distractions outside Nigeria
Let me put it this way. From my own experience: Life in Nigeria is actually boring. No Internet, light and interesting activity to do unlike in developed countries where so much is available.
So you can imagine two people in a relationship. One is in Nigeria and the other is in “country Y” that has all the basic amenities of life.
The one in Nigeria is most likely to be frustrated in the relationship if he/she is not actively engaged bcos he/she would be fighting really hard to get the attention of the partner outside the country
Tee Abraham: True…make sense
Mr X: It takes so much patience and understanding from the person in Nigeria for the relationship to stand.
It’s now worse if the person here is in school. It will take only the grace of God for the relationship to continue.
Because asides academic pressure, and activities to keep you busy. There are other lovely ladies around the corner fighting for your attention with their exposed bodies.
Tee Abraham: Lool…nice (0.0) /=) !-)
Mr X: And one other very dangerous thing that can happen….though this is peculiar majorly to the US.
The way things operate here is that the residents/citizens of this country are more favoured for jobs and other privileges before we international students, hence out of desperation a lot of guys here end up hooking up with citizens here so as to get married and become citizens. That means bye-bye to the 9ja babe.
Tee Abraham: *ROTFL*
Mr X: I met one woman on few days back who happens to be a friend of my grandma.
She was just advising me about not overstay my visa period in the US so it won’t be difficult to come back in and she ended her advise by saying that she prays I find one nice 9ja girl here who is a citizen that would help me work my citizenship through marriage. You can imagine
Mr X: So have I answered your question or is there anything else you want to know?
Tee Abraham: Not entirely, What about d advantages?
Mr X : Well the major benefit is the fact that you both are able to fight the temptations that come with seeing each other often.
And also the that fact you can both live your lives independently of each other. Hang out with other people and have more personal time to develop other skills
Tee Abraham: Yeah, but dt’s tricky tho for an insecure partner.
Mr X : Yh..true
Tee Abraham: Now you’ve answered all my questions
Miss Z in the UK (She is drained out)
Miss Z: I will give u my opinion …as am actually a victim of this sef. Pardon me if i use some words buh its how i feel =d .
It takes two strong ppl to be in a long distance rel.
Distance is a bit*h
When I was in Naija; he was in Delta while I was in Ibadan…. things were going on fine. We were stil within d same environ.
But now things have changed…i get really busy.
My boyfriend is in naija…probably doing nothing all day and wants to speak to me almost every time. This sometimes get me irritated.
Am like why can’t he just understand?!
Tee Abraham: I feel u
Miss Z: Then d issue of guys… 😀
You meet guys that are so interested in u =-d And honestly… Some of them have been d best people you’ve ever met.
What do you think? How do you handle dis?
You claim to love ur bf and still u so much enjoy d company of other guys.
Ok…not other guys but….maybe there is one in particular who’s always there when u need someone. *NOOOO*
U used to talk to ur bf daily…always have something to talk abt, but now its an uh..uh..uh…
And then naijas network isn’t helping
It could be overwhelming sometimes… =’)
I know some ppl would say if u love each other…distance is nothing… but really…Distance not handled well could b depressing.
I have decided to come home next month…Just to see him and get things straight…Or reset myself =d
Tee Abraham: Wow!!!
Miss Z: Any other question? =-d
Tee Abraham: So, are u saying der’s absolutely nothing good in long distance relationship?
Miss Z: It has its good part…It kind of tests what u call love. And makes u independent in a way.
Mr S in the UK (He’s still crazily in love)
Mr S: Long distance relationship has advantages am disadvantages truly.
But I see more advantages than it’s disadvantage.
Some of the advantages include
1. You will be able to know if what you have for your partner is true love or not. what you can’t do when your partner is not present with you has a long way to show the level of love and reference u have for him or her
You being able to stand strong amidst opposite sex shows u truly love her. So long distance shows ur real status.
2. Long distance shows your relationship maturity. Handling issues via long distances helps to describe how much u truly understand and appreciate your partner. Your inability to let go despite ur far away distance show how much u truly want ur partner.
3. Long distance helps our purity. We all know there are sometimes we want to express our love via physical touch but due to the distance, we tend to control ourselves and not yielding to lust.
4. Long distance shows your level of marital commitment. I know this point sounds too serious but it’s true. What u do in long distance when you are dating will show what u will do in long distance when u r married. Your financial commitment and other responsibilities should be intact whether you are far or near your partner.
And this is my only disadvantage of long distance.
Long distance sucks. Lol. It makes you lonely. It shows the dangers of love. It reveals your real strength and weakness without your partner. It reveals your real self.
And this my testimony: Am currently in a long distance relationship and I can boldly say I MISS MY PARTNER AND I LOVE HER MORE DEARLY.
You have heard it from them, I have done a long distance relationship for 10 months and if nothing else, I learnt that;
- It takes a crazy kind of love to make a long relationship work.
- Both parties must be willing to make it work. The moment one of them starts getting tired, their trouble starts.
- Also, your expectations must be consistent with the condition of the relationship, otherwise, you’ll burn out due to dissatisfaction.
- How much you are ready to sacrifice (time, money, convenience, expectations…) determines how far the relationship survives.
- Lastly, SKYPE IS KEY! BBM voice and Viber are good substitutes to spending so much on international calls (The UK especially)
Have you been in a long distance relationship before or in one now? Share with us your challenges and how you think it can be handled.
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