Of most of the people I counselled recently, I noticed I gave more of logical and opinionated advice to help such people in their situations- especially to those in the phase of choosing or accepting a relationship or marriage proposal. I gave more of steps, points, checks and balances but I left out the most important thing.
How do you know that you have made THE sound choice when you have entirely no idea what the person might turn out to be under different circumstances which will usually be outside your control?
What will happen to your “heaven on earth” relationship if you or your partner are hit with a medical condition? Will he still be faithful if he finds himself in a highly sexual infiltrated environment? Will his character change if he gets a whole lot of money or loses a whole lot of money?
Do you have the slightest idea who he/she is capable of turning into in the nearest future? A wife-beater, a sex addict, a gambler, a missionary or a politician…. Face it, people change. So will you. So will your partner. We can only pray that the change is for “better”, not for “worse”.
My point is that only someone who can take a glimpse into the entire length of what your married life will be can best choose who is fit for you.
Life isn’t a straight path; it’s a continuous, evolving and metamorphosing road.
I really don’t know if you get my point yet. If your job nature turns out to be one that requires you travelling out of your hometown or country often (with two kids in a five-year-old marriage), how will you know if your partner is well suited for it? Will he stop you from taking that major move of your career? Would he be able to play the role of the “faithful house-husband”? Will he allow you to go in order for him to satisfy his lust? As far as he may be concerned, you gave him the perfect reason to- your absence created the vacuum…
No one can know or have control of what we are capable of turning into. And trust me, YOU CAN NEVER KNOW ALL ABOUT SOMEONE.
So what do we do? Do we just fold our arms, wish for the best and prepare for the worst? What if there is a way to be sure that he/she will still be a perfect fit for you no matter the transition your relationship takes?
God is still the perfect matchmaker. Do you know why?
- He created your partner, and therefore knows all his/her form and being entirely. Even to the innermost part of his heart (which can be perfectly kept from you till you say I do and cannot turn around anymore)
- He ordained our lives, our purpose. He knows our end from the beginning. So He knows what is best for you.
- He is still the only man who has ever calmed a storm by mere telling it to be still, so with Him on the journey (and mind you, you don’t pick a ferry passenger in the waves of the ocean, you set out from the dock together. Hmm…. no wonder some couples renew or take their marriage vows again, for a new beginning)
How do you employ God’s matchmaking services?
- ASK HIM. Like any other form of service providing enterprise, you make a request.
He said, “Call upon me and I’ll answer you, and show you great and mighty things that you don’t know” – Jeremiah 33:3
- DON’T GIVE HIM SPECIFICATIONS.
“Do not be wise in your own eyes”, the writer of Proverbs said. Isn’t it funny how we know what’s best for us when we hardly even understand ourselves as individuals? He knows what’s best for you, trust his judgement. I must clarify at this point that God’s decision will appeal to you. It might not appeal to your sensuality and carnality, but you’ll know down deep in your spirit that he/she is the one; some people call that “peace”.
- LET HIM KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
This sound contradictory to the previous point, but it’s coming right beneath it to show hierarchy. God himself asked us to “ask whatever we desire”, but let your will and desire be in accordance and submission to His will. Let’s put it this way- find out His will. Take note, God will never give you junk. Look through the Bible and check out God’s promises. God has the best in mind for us.
- BE PATIENT
God created time, and he isn’t subjected to our time. Don’t subject God to your schedule. I hear one people say, “I must be engaged in 6 months and married in 9”, LOL… if you have your life all planned out, you are a god yourself already you don’t need another one.
In closing, you can’t undermine how much engaging God- the all-knowing God, in your future-partner choosing process. Pray (by pray, I mean talk to him like He is sitting on a chair right in front of you in the name of Jesus (it works for me every time). And for those that are engaged or hmmm…married, pray always, keep telling God to help, sustain, hold, preserve, restore… your relationship, nothing is ever out of His range. However, it is better to get it right from the beginning. GET IT RIGHT, NOW.
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