First, an open letter to our single brothers!
Dear Single Brother,
Whether you are single by choice or circumstance, whether you are five years from your wedding date or two minutes away, there are the uncertainties, pressure and occasional doubts that come with marriage.
So, the first thing I’m going to say to you is bros chill… like really chill. It amazes me a lot when I get worried about the little details of my life, thinking God cares more about the ministry He has given me that the relationships I keep. I am going to remind you as I always remind myself that God is very interested in the relationships we keep as His children. God is so concerned about your marital choice and He is in control of the matter. So chill! Don’t overthink it.
Don’t give in to pressures, anxiety, depression or desperation. Singleness is a good thing and I am not even playing. Don’t believe the societal lie that your life hasn’t started till you are engaged or married. I call it a lie because Jesus while on earth was single and He lived his life to the fullest, fulfilling his purpose… so singleness is not a plague. It is a period to be cherished and enjoyed, just like every phase in your life. You should learn to find contentment even while you are single so you don’t see marriage as something that completes you. Only one thing completes a man – Jesus. Shikena!
I am particular about you not giving into pressure because pressure is never a good environment for making the right decision. And most times, the pressure you feel is self-inflicted. Many people hold sisters seminar and think that because of ‘biological clock’ attached to them, they are the only ones under pressure. (of which they don’t know that God is the ultimate time keeper, every other one is a liar)
Between me and you, we know brothers also get under pressure… when you see brother xyz’ instagram post with his partner at an outing, even if it’s a Christian outing or mission trip and nothing romantic, there is the tendency to go ‘Oh lord, when will my own babe land?’ Or if you are an only child or the last born, your mother might be on your case for grandchildren and then you begin to feel pressured… Don’t worry, they would soon know you serve a living God.
So enjoy your singleness, trust God’s timing for you and don’t give in to pressure.
Very importantly too, Learn to enjoy the company of others. Even with those that are engaged or married without feeling envious or pressured. You may be unavoidably single for now. Maybe God is in preparing your wife from the abroad for you and you are here gathering momentum… so single you may be for now but you should never be lonely. Even in your alone time, be comfortable in your own skin.
Brothers! Brothers! Brothers! How many times did I call you? Oya, pay attention here… Don’t become the Holy Spirit in someone else’ life. Don’t look confused sir, I am pretty sure you know what I am talking about. I am talking about you assuming the role of ‘comforter’, ‘confidant’ and other roles in the life of that sister you don’t have plans of courting or marrying.
You say you have nothing in mind but you want to escort her to workers meeting, singles retreat, weekend hangouts and every other place. You say you have nothing in mind but you call in the morning to pray with her and read devotionals together and then at night you call again for her to relay how her day went. Now, those things aren’t bad but that sounds to me like you are in a relationship already and that may be the exact thing she is thinking too. In fact, worse still that may the same thing others are thinking, this is one sure way of driving away potentials from the both of you.
Don’t go all Mr. Nice on me, the damage you are doing may be more than the good intended. There should be a limit to the level of closeness you have with a sister you don’t intend to engage. It just saves you both from complications, (well mostly her) and from meddling into emotions that you can’t handle. Make sure your relationships with your female friends are healthy.
There should be a limit to the level of closeness you have with a sister you don’t intend to engage. Click To Tweet And if you haven’t been told, ladies are moved by what they hear. Don’t tell them I said so o…. But yeah, they are. So, be nice but choose your words of advice, comfort, moves and what-have-you very carefully so that you don’t get misinterpreted.
I know sincerely that there are people like brother innocent who are truly innocent with the best intentions at heart. Still, there are some things that you should not be mentioned among; I mean they are just unnecessary and unhealthy. Be very sensitive and be careful to define your relationships very clearly… keep updating your definitions from time to time as you progress in your friendships. Let your moderation be known to all men.
Again, it’s okay to look good even as a guy. Yes, I know it’s the content that matters but the packaging also matters. If you have a vision and you can’t convince someone who you are convinced would be instrumental in your journey that you have one… then we might have a problem. So look good – that advice is not just for sisters.
To be honest enh, I don’t like it when people laugh at Christian brothers and the way they dress but sometimes, I feel really bad. I mean, the nonchalant way some brothers dress is just totally uncool. And trust me, it is not all about money. The one or two shirts you have is just fine. Go the extra mile to iron them and keep them neat. A nicely scented fragrance to accompany your outfit would also be a nice idea. Your hair, beards and nails too matter. Untidiness, rumpled shirt and uncombed hair are not in any way an indicator of your spirituality. In fact if you must know, Jesus was super cool in His days. Be like Jesus.
When you are finally convinced that she is the one, please sir, I beg you… don’t play the ‘God told me’ card even if God actually did tell you! I’ll tell you why… some women aren’t as spiritually mature or inclined to hear God for themselves and that can be very upsetting to her journey. If she doesn’t feel convinced yet (which shouldn’t be a bad thing… these things may take time), she could feel bad ‘disobeying God’ and all of that so just keep it to yourself. You should be able to do the job by yourself. Wooing a woman isn’t so hard, you have the Spirit of God in you and you can do all things! I am not even whining you, I am so serious right now.
Plus have you ever wondered how easy it is to say God said when you like someone or an idea… I do not doubt your walk with God; I am just saying emotions can be clouding. So hold on to what God told you in your heart and allow things play out. After you have confirmed God’s word and you have made her your wife, then you can tell her how you were all convinced from day one and that would be so cute.
Make good use of your waiting period. Serve God, develop good skills, and make wise investments… just keep growing. Don’t sit around imagining the color of your suit every blessed day or thinking of how she would look and how your proposal would be and all of that. Having a plan is good. What is not good is wasting useful time obsessing over what is to come.
Make good use of your waiting period. Serve God, develop good skills, and make wise investments. Click To Tweet Finally, whether very single or almost married, make God the focal point of your life. I can assure you that as you focus on him, He’d make all things beautiful in His time.
Your sister in the Lord.
So there we have it guys.. Sisters (and well brothers) please add the ones I missed out in the comment boxes. This is a good way to advice that brother you have been meaning to advice without seeming too forward, Hehehe!
And please share with as many people as you can share with. Thank you!
And oh, fear not, partiality is not a fruit of the Spirit, be sure that our sisters’ letter would be coming soon enough.