DISCUSSION: How To Friend Zone Effectively


I really can’t blame people who show extra caution when it comes to relating with people of the opposite sex, it is definitely not meant to be complicated but mehn! people are complicated especially when feelings are involved. One party is saying one thing while the other is hearing an entirely different thing.

I have been a victim of this myself on different occasions where my niceness was interpreted as a relationship advancement. I had the case where it was met with stern reaction from the babe, but it left me wondering what was going on. You are accusing me of liking you whereas I have no feelings for you *ROTFL*, and I have the case where the babe was eagerly waiting for me to pop the big question…lol…

Ladies and gentlemen of (bdw, we should coin a way to refer to the users of this blog, I’m open to suggestions from you guys) how do we relate with the opposite sex without crossing the boundaries, and without passing any unintended message across whatsoever? Because I know how technical this can be, let me paint a scenario.

There is a guy A who likes lady B, but lady B is being just a friend, usually they shake hands as they part ways, but on this particular evening, say after a long day of studying together, the lady gives the guy a hug, my guy A danced away with the impression that she likes him, call that weird, but it happens. Yes, such his this complex world of “catching feelings“.

Ladies, what signs will you see in a guy that informs you that he likes you, even though he might not? And how do you show/respond to a guy that you like them? (Both physical and virtual [e.g social media] communication).

Guys, how do you subtlety suggests your feelings to a lady without being vocal about it and what signs serve as a green light that such feelings are mutual? (Both physical and virtual [e.g social media] communication).

Your detailed answers, as a comment to this post, will save a lot of lives; it will save the need for that unnecessary and awkward explanation: “I don’t like you, I was just being a friend”. Call it how to friend zone effectively because that is exactly what it is, Just ensure you leave a comment, please? Thank you.

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Thank you for reading. I bet it was worth every moment spent on it. I’m really looking forward to seeing your comments.

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1 Comment

  1. Azzin, I had to deal with a similar issue yesterday. But whenever a guy gets my number, nd starts calling me frequently and chatting me up with the usual silly questions like what did you eat? Or I’ve missed you, can we see? I firmly put boundaries and define my relationship on time. Would either say am in a relationship and is he ok with being just friends instead of leading them on to save further embarassment.

  2. Azzin, I had to deal with a similar issue last night. Normally, when a guy gets my number and chats me up frequently and starts asking silly questions like what did I eat? Bla bla or calling me baby everytime( btw I hate that name calling) or saying ‘i’ve missed you, can we see? I don’t waste time in setting boundaries making it clearly that am interested in just friendship or am already in a relationship and if he’s okay with being just friends. This helps to save futureembarassment and leading the poor guy on. It’s his wahala if he gets upset nd he’s like ” did I say I want to date you? Na him sabi. Av sha said my own

  3. Okay, since I’m a guy, I’ll focus on the question directed at us.
    How do you subtly suggest your feelings to a lady without being vocal about it?
    Without being vocal….bros, that one go hard o…loll. Most ladies I know need you to SAY something before they consider you as being serious. All that smiling and hinting may prepare the ground, but you must still come around to deliver your manifesto.
    That said, I think attention and affection are the biggest signals. If I like you and I’m interested, you’d notice that I spend more time with you (face to face and online), I’d want to talk more, even about the so-called mundane things, I’d be concerned about what’s happening in your life and keep track of things you share with me. Details will stick.
    As for the second part of the question (green light for mutual feelings), I think that’s best answered by the ladies of lifegiva.
    If I just want to be friends, attention would be spasmic and casual; you won’t find me trying to know what’s really going on in your heart/life. Just surface chit-chat with loads of niceties mixed with the occasional guy-like treatment.
    Oya, where’s my prize for being the first to comment? Loll

  4. I think we should be more careful not to lead people on, i.e. encourage them, than later blaming them for falling in love with us. It starts with name calling, “darl”, “hun”, “baby”, “love”, as innocent as those mushy names might be, some take it as a really big deal.
    Then for those in a relationship and do well at hiding their partners, I really don’t know what the intention of that could be, but it could serve as a very good scare-crow, even though I no some guys this days don’t even care if you are married.
    You can’t really hold yourself responsible for someone that falls for you, but generally, show equal attention to all your friends equally, then when you notice something that suggests something more from a friend you aren’t interested in, please, clarify things as early as possible, don’t assume they don’t know that you aren’t interested, tell them.

  5. Hmmm…well d summary of this is very simple.. define your relationship from the scratch. If you are dating, make it known u r dating and if u r single but not searching also make it known cos guys are not spirits. U dont expect them to know u r in a relationship wen all u chat about with dem is telling dem how cute dey r or how much u miss chatting with dem..dey also have feelings and after u ave led dem on in dat way and dey start catching feelings and eventually decide to pop the “will u be my girlfriend?”question and u will be like “i’m sorry i have a boyfriend, i thought i told u” or “i’m so sorry to burst ur bubbles hun but m not ready for a relationship now”.You will end up crushing a niggas feelings and it will not be a joking stuff cos its sometin dat would ave bin averted from d beginning.
    In cases whereby its d girl catching the feelings and being so mushy mushy about it, it is however important for d guy to be extremely very careful in his choice of words wen trying to make d girl know dat she is and will always be in d friend zone. Why? Because females are weaker vessels and dere are sometins u say to a female dat can crush her both physically, mentally, spiritually etc. Every woman, no matter how highly placed she is, always want to hear dat she is beautiful or she is smart or intelligent cos dats d only way dey feel loved and appreciated. Also, woman is the very last tin God created in d chain of creation and he took his time to create her not out of empty space but out of the ribs of man which makes all women drawn to men. Another attribute God placed in women is the gift of love. Women can love deeply and will even feel like dey r not loving enuf. So if u r in a situation wereby the girl is being emotional with u and u ave no plans to take d friendship to relationship, secretly call her away from her friends or pick a day u both should meet (girls cant take online breakup or denial as much as guys ) and talk to her softly, begin by letting her know dat she is beautiful and perfect (cos dats d only way she wont look down on hersef) and carefully explain to her y u cant enter a relationship with her and why it is best u guys remain friends and am sure she will see reasons with u… one thing a guy or a girl should never do is to assume dat him or her knows u r just a friends to dem because assumption is d mother of all heartbreaks…it may turn out to be dat d guy or girl in whichever case is also assuming dat he or she is also catching d same feelings dat him or her is catching….please lets get it right.

  6. I’m just going to ‘hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha’ about the post. And then I would say… “No advice in heaven and earth will help you friend zone effectively” and then I would suggest that we are called “Dear Life Receivers” hehe *takes a bow* thank you.

  7. “Life receivers”…A mouthful…Jo, another suggestion.’re able

  8. From what I have seen and felt, believe me, the guy can be rude and annoying and a girl would still like him. Sometimes we confuse ourselves and don’t even know what we want. It’s really a crazy thing but we do it. And I don’t know the reason why.
    However, my advice to you is that you are upfront with the girls in your life. Let them know where they stand with you.

  9. Let me take this from another angle. I just suggest that whoever needs it most guy or gal, should ask d question before making a proposal sort of. Am saying since no one once to make a proposal only to be friendzoned by the other, then you just simply ask about the relationship status of the other party. The other “partner” should then say the truth and lay d cards point blank on the table. I believe if they both tell themselves the truth, it will be obvious if there is a GREEN light to go ahead, or YELLOW to hold on abit longer or RED meaning caseclosed (friendzoned). Whoever needs it most has to bell d cat. Its advisable for d ladies to bring up this question early enough so they dont hope for too long. For the guys dont you ever forget that you are not the only man she knows…do what you have to do or else…

  10. Truth be told, everyone ought to be cautious about their body language & how it affects people around them. I matters like this, ignorance is not an option, otherwise, we’ll always have issues day in, day out. Let every man and woman be careful how they carry themselves at all times.
    Now, I also want to strongly say that whatever relationship you have with the opppsite sex should be defined from the beginning. Better to let people know where you stand everytime. And we should be willing to understand and respect people’s wishes as regarding their status and what desire to remain friends. So, don’t go fishing in waters where you have no permit. Some people have a habit of daydreaming and imaginin this and that. Keep your mind under control. God bless you guys. Good job, Tolu.
    PS: As for a name for followers of the blog, I believe “Lifegivas” is in order. We’re all giving some form of life tp someone put there…even though we might not really be aware.

  11. Lolz …although I would agree a little with @Jo deep. With his common“No advice in heaven and earth will help you friend zone effectively”.,,
    Truth be told in relationships we learn everyday.. And what might work for one person might not work for another ..
    We just need to do what @Arias said.. be cautious about our body language & how it affects people around them..
    I have fallen victim to this a lot with my body language and my words being misinterpreted wrongly…..even in circumstances where I defined the friendship…..Although being honest with the person from the beginning helps a lot …One good advice for guys though is to be careful what we say to a lot of times we are quite careless during our discussions with members of the opposite sex…especially our close friends and we stir up emotions without meaning too. An advice for everyone is be careful when hugging and holding members of the opposite …prolonging this seemingly casual physical contacts ….may pass unintended messages……,,
    Thank you……

  12. […] be. A very good instance is how some sisters lead some brothers on and vice versa. (Read more in DISCUSSION: HOW TO FRIEND ZONE EFFECTIVELY). You are being just friends, sitting on his lap and collecting his gifts, or calling her pet names […]

  13. I believe the only way to make your feelings known is to make your feelings understood.
    Find out how best the person understands ask questions like what do you suggest? My friend likes a girl but he doesn’t know how to make her understand. If it was you what would you suggest heshould do?

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