Do all men cheat? I bet there are no better people to ask than the men, and by men I mean the married ones.
I received a question from a reader of Lifegiva and it went thus; “Do all men cheat? Do they marry the lady with the intention of cheating or it just happens? (Paraphrased)
To soundly answer this question, knowing there is numerous opinions on this topic already, I sought the opinion of two married men. Both are parents of two and one respectively, and to my somewhat shock as a man myself, they answered my question in a very simple and as honest as honesty can go and here it goes.
Do all men cheat? They answered; “All men are wired to cheat, it’s in a man’s nature to cheat”. In explaining this, it might be too conclusive to say that it’s in every man’s nature to cheat, but here is what they mean, it is in every man’s nature to desire new and better things, and it is man’s glory to pursue and get that new thing”.
Now in defining the new thing is very different and relative from one man to the other, it goes from the kind of craving to climb up the career ladder to owning the kind of ride that will gain them respect when he pulls up in the midst of his friends, and of course, women, like cars, houses and even different level in careers, come with varieties and different satisfaction and ego boosts, so men crave for new women the same way they crave for other things.
Sex or women is a bit different from other forms of cravings, just the way sexually related temptations seems more powerful than every other, and aside, the desires to lust after people of opposite sex when fed burns widely unlike every other.
So do all men cheat? NO, but can all men cheat? Yes, if they feed and give in to their fleshly passion.
Asides that, cheating is easier for married men. Asides the grooming and deep understanding of women, men have been fully exposed to sex. Knowing the totality of a lady’s body, and what to do to make her desire him (Obviously, they’ve had sex with their wives), it becomes an easy work to turn other ladies on.
Do men plan to cheat while they are doing all the wooing and chasing a lady?
I would have echoed an obvious NO, because few guys go into marriage with the intention of cheating on their wives, but the truth is that a lot of guys have/are prepared themselves to cheat long before they get married.
A man who has prematurely fed his sexual appetite, with either pornography or multiple sexual partners, or even the lady they are married to will find it hard to be satisfied by one woman and will therefore cheat. I’ve met guys who, having a girlfriend, see nothing wrong with having sex with other ladies as long it’s nothing more than a one-night stand, i.e. no particular commitment or feelings attached, I guess such a man is preparing to cheat on his wife unconsciously.
How can a guy not cheat?
This was the most interesting part of my conversation with the married men I spoke with, and I’ll highlight few practical preventive measures to guide against cheating.
1. Don’t assume you are above cheating
I think this is the most important of all measures, it entirely empowers the others. You won’t see a need to put up your guard if you think you are not susceptible to something. Every man is susceptible to sexual temptations, otherwise, why have the best of men in the whole of human history fallen to sexual sins?
As long as you have blood, red in colour flowing through your veins, you can fall into sexual temptation, so be aware, and be on guard.
Jesus acknowledges the fact that the flesh is weak, He said, “Stay awake and pray, so that you won’t enter into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” – Matthew 26:41 (HCSB)
2. Draw boundaries and Put up measures
It was funny how one of the married men I spoke with counted how it is a law in his house that they don’t employ a housemaid he finds attractive, and even the one he doesn’t find attractive doesn’t stay under that same roof with him and his family and grown female co-workers are not allowed (because he works from home).
It will be mere foolishness to not consciously put up measures to avoid putting you in situations that will make you break your marriage vow and much more, sin against God.
Wisely and prayerfully consider your activities, environment, personal turn-ons …and make plain boundaries and measures. One can be ‘not having a female best friend’, or being unnecessarily close to any other lady. Never go on trips alone with a lady other than your wife, or go to lounges and clubs without your wife…
(Please men and ladies, kindly suggest more, we can compile that for another blog post)
3. Get your wife involved in your flings and attraction to other ladies
Lastly, get your wife involved in your life and beyond that in your thought, let her know how you feel. Tell her about that sexy lady that was just moved to your department or a storekeeper that made advances at you. Make her your number one accountability partner because she is. Tell her everything.
I have been saved from sexual sin once just because I know I have to tell my friends what happened and telling them I had sex can’t even come out of my mouth and I have vowed to be 100% honest with them. So yeah it works. The thought that you have to tell your wife where you have been and what you did will save you at that moment of lust, and better still, tell her ahead before the evil day comes.
4. The fear of the Lord
This I believe will save any man regardless of the situation he finds yourself. When you truly honour God and you hold His word in high esteem; when His will is law to you and you delight in doing His will, even if you have every legal ground to cheat, even if you have your wife’s approval to sleep with another woman, the fear of God and the fear of going against His will and His word will hold you back.
David made this clear in his writing; How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word…I have treasured (hidden) Your word in my heart so that I may not sin against You. – Psm 119:9,11
I hear some men brag on some seemingly pardonable reasons to cheat, like being on a long distance relationship, or their partner always too busy to satisfy them. Even if those excuses are true, does any excuse warrant your keeping from the law of the Lord?
In conclusion, I believe a lot has been said already, but really, cheating isn’t when you sleep with another woman other than your wife (or man other than your husband), it starts when you start nursing admiration and interest in your heart towards any other person- not your wife. When you start sharing that place that is supposed to be sacred towards your partner and your partner alone with any other person, cheating has started and it’s a matter of time before you end up in bed or lip lock with that other person. Just watch it, better don’t let it start, and when/if it does, extinguish it fast.
You have God’s spirit in you and His grace on your side. Let’s raise a new generation of men who have decided from today not to cheat.??????
So do all men cheat? NO, but can all men cheat? Yes, if they feed and give in to their fleshly passion. Click To Tweet
* * *
Is there a question you will like to ask about the married life, especially from a newlywed? Send it below or to firstname.lastname@example.org and the answer will be published in a future post.