Choosing a Life Partner: Must She be BEAUTIFUL?


Model walk on the runway. The Miss Black Africa UK Beauty Pageant and Charity Awards 2012 --- Image by © See Li/Demotix/Corbis

Model walk on the runway. — Image by © See Li/Demotix/Corbis

Disclaimer: This post is a pretty hard one for me to write because I love beauty?.
Physical beauty for many is on the very fore front of the criteria for choosing a future spouse, but we all know that beauty is skin deep.

To make it easy, I’ll list some facts about beauty.
  1. Beauty is transient (or transitional)

No one remains as they look in their twenties forever, even though this differs from one person to another based on how much they put into maintaining their look and shape, but have you see a pretty damsel seven months into their pregnancy or after they deliver ? ?
If it’s true that our looks change as we grow older, won’t it be catastrophic if beauty forms the primary basis of your choice of a life partner? That way, your marriage will last for just as long as the person remains the way they were (physical wise) when you dated and married. How dangerous.

  1. Beauty doesn’t make for a happy home/marriage.

There is no rule that says fair skin ladies make better wives, or guys with six-packs makes better husbands or fathers.
If its character and healthy personality that makes for worthy marriage partner, then won’t the stance to date only persons with a specific physical trait be foolish?
I bet everyone will choose a woman (or man) who although not beautiful in the world’s sense of beauty, but will love, adore, care, add value to you, give them peace, love their family and take care of their children over a “Miss Universe” that will make their lives a living hell- except you are looking at making a reality TV show off your marriage.

  1. Some people become more beautiful with years

I spoke more on this in a post I did long ago titled “You are Beautiful” and I remember using my mum as an instance. I probably wouldn’t look at her side when she was in her youthful stage, but today, she’s beautiful in every way. The same goes for a lot of people.
Who is at loss if you jilt a lady with amazing spirit and character, but doesn’t fit into the worldly standard of beautiful for one who is all pretty and endowed just to meet her after 10 years and you wish you hadn’t been foolish and blinded by your carnality?
The truth remains that we all know what is important but we are too blinded by our carnality.
We are more concerned of how the society (friends and family) will perceive us for marrying someone they don’t term as beautiful.
I bet that for some, beauty is just another criterion alongside others. But if we’ll take the advice from Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting (short-lived, ephemeral, transitory); but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
If this verse is true (which is), then instead of subjecting our criteria for choosing a life partner to our selfishness and lust, we should raise our standard and desire a woman who fears the Lord. No one must ever be measured first by his/her look.
Should this be an excuse to neglect taking care of your body, eating healthy, working out? No, but do it for the right reasons, to stay healthy, not to be accepted by a class of men or women.
If he/she can’t love and accept you regardless of how you look, it only means he/she doesn’t love you, but is more into your looks.
Let’s quit being carnal in our approach to relationship and love, no verse in the bible gives beauty as a measure for choosing a life partner.
So, Must She Be Beautiful? I’ll leave you to answer that, I bet you know better now.

Thank you for reading, kindly share your opinion as a comment below 🙂

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1 Comment

  1. This is eye opening…..although I think we blame society for our own selfish actions. We can say we want to be with someone beautiful so that they can be accepted by society, but that’s not true. We want that, because that’s what our selfish heart wants. Society is just a cover.

    1. Yemi, you are so right about this, the society is just a cover, or we have learnt selfishness trying to please or look acceptable to the society. Thanks for leaving a comment

  2. I ditched this beauty idea after my first relationship, beauty is just the cherry on the cake,not all cakes have it But it doesn’t in anyway influence the taste of the cake. I decided to base my search on my life principles, things like spirituality, total disdain for divorce, high intelligence etc. Thanks Tolu for this piece

  3. Pastor Tee I remember this conversation lol… Hmm it is well.

    1. Oh yes, 🙂 Amen

  4. Who Is ‘ETI’ . The post and the illustration appear apt

  5. Lool Bro. Reminds me of my words of aeons past and I cannot even go back on them. I still will keep speaking them. I have always said the woman whom I’ll end up with would be beautiful and it’s something I bring up occasionally when discussing with God. So He knows. 😉 After all, there are still physically attractive girls out there who are really really good girls and yes they fear God. Nah person go marry them one day nau? Why not me? Why not you? Lol. I am not saying nothing else matters, but I declare that beauty would be a plus for me. Even the Bible describes certain women as ‘fair’, ‘fair to look upon’ etc.
    Yes oo, my life partner must be beautiful; beautiful in my own eyes. 🙂

  6. AK…I love the way you ended it…must be beautiful in your eyes…..thats the point. Tolu I would say beauty must be a criteria…but hey…you only should be the beholder……what I mean is you should be able to wake up and smile that you have a beautiful spouse…,not just someone everyone aprroves to be beautiful.
    See her…see him as someone beautiful….even when you hear things like…’na wa o….shey dis bobo no get eye ni’

  7. Well, I agree and disagree. In as much as beauty is fleeting, and charm is deceptive, we are human and we can see. These things should not, in my opinion become a determining factor if push comes to shove, but still, I believe I have to be attracted to my partner.

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