Hurray!! So you finally met this wonderful guy who gives you butterflies in your belly, makes your heart skip several beats, and all the other good stuff, and the best part of everything is that he is asking you to be in a relationship with him.
I know you must be ecstatic, and are probably already imagining the both of you going on dates, bungee jumping, holding hands and doing all the other ‘couple stuff’.
But before you make the decision to say ‘yes’, they are so many things you must know about this wonderful person you are about to embark on a journey with.
You might say, “..ah, ah, isn’t it just an ordinary relationship? Why are you trying to make it seem so serious?”. I am not a bad belle, but I am here to tell you that it is a very serious something.
I have been in relationships where I saw pepper just because I didn’t ask certain questions before getting into the relationship.
I love you, and I do not want you to waste your time, energy, and resources in a relationship.
So from personal experience, from reading books, and from the experience of others, I bring to you a couple of questions you should ask before going into a relationship. These questions span across many areas so that a whole lot of ground can be covered.
P.S: I will be asking questions from the angle of relationships that will ultimately lead to marriage. So please understand that any question which might seem too forward is done with marriage in mind.
1. What Do You Believe?
My goodness, you do not know how important this question is!. As Christians, we must never assume that everyone who calls them self a Christian believes in the same thing we do.You do not want to assume your potential boyfriend is a Christian. Click To Tweet
You do not want to assume your potential boyfriend is a Christian, only to get into the relationship and find out that his grandmother is a traditional worshipper, his mother is a Christian, and his father is a Muslim, so sometimes he follows his father to the mosque, breezes past the shrine during the weekends, and sometimes he goes to church.
Please make sure he is a stable person. Someone who knows what he believes in and stands for it.
If he believes in God, then let everything about him show that. If you end up with someone who is easily swayed, then you both are going to have major issues in the area of your Christian belief.
2. Are you in a relationship with anyone?/Is anyone in a relationship with you?
As funny as this might seem, it is a very important question. Although, it is possible your potential boyfriend could lie to you, you never know if the truth might come out if you do not ask. Another thing this question does is to create awareness in the head of your potential partner. Make them know that you do not tolerate the silly idea of having a ‘side guy’ and you do not expect them to have someone by the side either.
Also, if you eventually get into the relationship and discover you are being cheated on, you can carry all your load, and leave the relationship as fast as you can. After all, you did ask them.
3. Do you plan on having sex before marriage?
Christian or not, we all know that we are not to have sex before we get married. If your potential partner does not believe this, just know that yawa don gas.
You think being with someone who isn’t a Christian is a big issue? Try being with someone who wants sex from you when you don’t. If you chose to ignore all the warning bells that are already ringing and go into the relationship, the probability of you having premarital sex is 99.999999%.
Please, my dear sister, remember we are not to start praying for deliverance from temptation but to flee (with your slippers under your armpits). Run very far away from someone whose sexual beliefs are not in line with yours.
4. Where is this relationship going to lead to?
Biko, ignore all the people who might make you think this question is too forward.
If you don’t want to fall victim of the #WasteHerTime hashtag, you have to ask this particular question.
I remember when I got into this relationship (or was it a situationship?) with this particular guy. Ignorant me thought I had joined the boyfriend gang and I was wallowing in my ignorance. They were a whole lot of signs that the relationship wasn’t going to get anywhere, but I was already dreaming of marriage and having two beautiful kids. To cut the long story short, I fell victim to #WasteHerTime, and I promised myself never to fall victim to assumption again.
My dear sister, believe me when I say there are people who just want to date you to get into your pants or those who have placed bets to see who can bag you.
Listen very carefully to how your potential partner answers this question. Watch his body language, facial expressions, eye movement, and everything watchable. Infact, go all Patrick Jane (from The Mentalist) on him.
5. Do you have any health issues I should be bothered about?
I had to confirm with a friend before I put this point up. Again you might go, “its just a relationship, hian, calm down abeg”, but I am here (AGAIN) to tell you that it never is just a relationship.
Remember you guys are supposed to be dating to get into long-term relationships which might lead to marriage.
You do not want to be in a situation where the love has covered your eyes and then you overlook the fact that your potential boyfriend and husband has a very infectious disease that could ruin both your lives.
I totally believe God can change every situation, by every I mean, EVERY. Be it genotype, AIDS, herpes, you name it. But I do not think you should go into any long-term relationship that will lead to marriage except you are very sure that that is what God wants, and you both believe in the awesome healing power of God.
6. Have you been in past relationships?
I believe there is a proper way to go about asking this question. If you are asking this question because you want to condemn your partner, abeg chill small.
This question is necessary to know how your partner has been when in previous
I know how defensive I get if someone asks me this question, but I have only ever answered it willingly if the person asking is someone I trust not to judge me.
I am all for honesty in relationships and I know that this question will ultimately come up, but make sure you are ready for anything you get. Also, remember that there is always room for forgiveness. Your partner might have had 10 girls before you, and trust me, you will be pained when he tells you this.
But if, and only if you know that you can handle that information, and can truly forgive him, then I’d fully support you with whatever decision you make.
“There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
7. What are your short-term/long-term goals?
Very very cliche questions right? But if you do not want to end up with an efulefu (Igbo for ‘useless person’) you MUST ask these questions.
Imagine being with someone who does not know what he wants to do with his life, or where he wants to go in life. Can you actually picture being with someone like that? Can you? If you can, I rebuke that picture in the mighty name of Jesus!
I think there’s a saying that goes, “someone going anywhere will never get somewhere” or something like that. If you are with someone who isn’t going anywhere, you will eventually begin to wander aimlessly too.
I am not saying that your potential partner should roll the answers off his tongue once you ask him, but if your potential partner cannot answer these questions sensibly and in a straightforward way, then I do not think you would want to be with him.
Your husband is supposed to be a leading figure in your life. How do you want to cope with someone who cannot even lead himself? If the head doesn’t know where it is going to, then the whole body will be lost (wise words by Ihuoma).
8. How is your relationship with your parents?
Please this particular point very carefully.
This is another very important question.
Now I do not mean to judge anyone, but, so many studies have shown that people in dysfunctional relationships with their parents do not turn out to be good parents.
God is a God that can turn all things around. He can wipe the slate clean, give you a new heart and rebuild the relationship between you and your parents.
But what happens when your potential partner willingly embraces the dysfunctionality in the relationship between him and his parents. He takes pride in the fact that his parents don’t mean anything to him, and keeps saying that they could go to a place where they will be burnt to ashes.
Let me tell you what should happen. CARRY YOUR SLIPPERS, PLACE THEM UNDER YOUR ARMPIT AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM HIM.
If you chose to go into a relationship with someone who does not see the importance of having a relationship with his parents or does not see the need to try and fix the broken relationship, I cannot assure you that the dysfunctionality will not show up in his relationship with you or with your children.
Please note that I said you should not be with someone who does not give the slightest care about fixing the relationship with his parents, not someone who has tried and is unable to fix it.
I know this is a very sensitive point, and thankfully, I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, so I may not be able to address it properly, but if you do want to contribute to this particular point, I would very much appreciate it if you dropped a comment in the comment box.
9. How financially stable are you?
Yes, yes. I know your boyfriend is not your money bag, but if you guys plan on going long-term, this question will come up.
Not to throw shade, but this reason is why you should not be following immature, 15-year-old, SS1 guys who have not even written Senior WAEC, talk-less of getting financially grounded.
Alright, these questions aren’t exhaustive. I will be excited to do an updated post once I have more questions that are must-ask. And in case you have one I have not included, please share below as a comment.