Reasons Why You Might Still Be Single

Before I start, let me state that this is not to pressure you. Truthfully, there are many reasons why you may single. It is possible it is truly not the right time for you (Please read – Right Guy. Right Time, Then What?! ). But is it also possible that we have a role to play in this? Let’s find out!

Here are a few reasons why you may be single

1. You are always running home (immediately after church):

Seriously, guys! If you are always running home, it may be reducing your chances of finding that partner. Beyond this singleness issue, a church isn’t a lecture room where we come and listen and go. It is a family where we ought to bond, serve and be served. So the next time the youth pastor announces there’ll be a meeting right after, fight the temptation to sneak out the back door.

2. Your standards are unrealistic:

What many people call high standards in relationship matters are basic Christian standards. For instance, being equally yoked (feeling the same way about God and yourself), same doctrinal views, a credible love walk and submission to authority – these are basic Christian virtues, I am not talking about these.

But you would agree with me that some of those things on your husband/wife list are plain unrealistic. You want an instrumentalist that is an usher… you want a proverbs 31 woman who has many maids whom she instructs, makes her own dresses and wakes up by 4am. Please re-consider

Read: Are Your Standards Too High?

3. You press your phone too much:

I know I am beginning to sound like an African mother but if you are always focused on your phone in church, or even other social gathering, It’s harder to start a conversation with you when you are always engrossed with your phone.

When you are in the gathering of people, be present – contribute to discussion, ask questions, smile at people, building connections. This is very important even beyond the subject of finding a partner.

4. You are looking in all the wrong places:

You can’t expect to find that God-fearing woman or man in the clubs around town. Selah.

5. You focus on the wrong things

When you are looking for a wife, do not use the criteria for a beauty queen.

For instance, she doesn’t necessarily have to be able to complete full bridal makeup in 30 minutes. It’d be great to have a beauty queen as a wife only if it ticks the more important boxes like equal yoking, aligning life assignments and all that. Similarly, you can’t use the criteria for finding a pastor to choose a husband simply because you are looking to raise a family and not a church. If he has an excellent teaching ministry and even heads a church, that is amazing but there are some other things you need to consider like his love walk, submission to authority, financial discipline and so on.

6. You are simply not looking.

Dear single one, it is very possible that you are waiting for this perfect partner but you are not looking even though you think you are. You have to be intentional, pray about it and please go on dates or whatever it is where you can meet people. It can be likened to looking for a job though they are not the same. Yes, you are ready but are you actively looking?

“Watch and pray”. Pray but please watch too.

Does your physical disposition matter at all? Let’s find out 🙂

7. You don’t go for what you want.

Brothers and sisters, please be bold. Especially, brothers, come closer I have something to tell you. If you like a sister and you have prayed about it and you would like to give it a shot, please do so and very boldly. What’s the worst that’d happen? You’d get a no? A no never killed anyone. It is not as bad as many think. It is better than not talking and missing out on an amazing woman. Sisters too, that brother isn’t the Holy Spirit. He cannot possibly know all your thoughts so communicate. Even if you are not comfortable with making the first move (and I’m not saying you should), you can definitely give him some signs and encourage him especially if you notice he is shy.

8. Stop frowning.

Honestly, being spiritual isn’t by the “tightness” of your face. Please smile often. If you have a natural “tight” face, it may help to be more intentional about this. No, I’m not talking about a fake one. I’m talking about being deliberate to share the joy of God in your heart with everyone who casts a glance at you through your smile. Even beyond finding a partner, it’d be easier to preach the gospel with a smiling face.

9. Be clean and presentable.

If someone comes to greet you after church and the first thing that meets them is a mouth/body odour, the person is likely to think twice before coming to say hi again next week. That’s a bad first impression and we don’t want that. It’s absolutely okay to take an extra five minutes to iron your dress or comb your hair. These little things do matter.

Read: Choosing a Life Partner: Must She be BEAUTIFUL?

More reasons?

10. You’re stuck in the King James era.

I loveeeeee spiritual men and women but please be relatable. It’s an amazing thing that you have a hang of King James English but don’t go about “thou-ing” and “thy-ine” in your conversations with people. Those big tees and huge pants may have worked in the 1980s but there are modern trends you can adopt and you can still be modest while at it. I should say these things don’t exactly add to your spirituality – I mean speaking KJV English and wearing huge suits.

In conclusion, remember being single doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing something wrong. God may truly be preserving you this season till your partner is ready or till it’s the right time and that is absolutely fine. However, if you think you are ready, then be careful to make sure you are not blocking answers to your own prayers.

Selah.