Young sad black couple.Upset man being ignored by partner at home in the living room.American african men arguing with his stylish girlfriend, who is sitting on sofa couch next to him.Blurred.


I must first state that the intention of this post is to raise discussions and harvest diverse, real and sincere opinion on the issue. Few points and some people experiences will serve as a good premise for the discussion; so I encourage you to read through.

Is it a MUST for intending partners to be concerned about their SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY? 

From my interactions, most people seem to believe that Sexual Compatibility is of utmost importance, except you don’t want to enjoy having sex with your partner in marriage. They feel it’s a primary necessity and shouldn’t be ignored. But these same people seem not to agree on what sexual compatibility really is and how it is meant to be judged.

The first time I gave this question a deep thought was while watching Tyler Perry’s “Temptation-Confession of a Marriage Counsellor” a very good movie I must say.

The rich millionaire, a social media inventor Harley intending to invest in a match-making company asked their Internal Therapist Judith of how they can achieve a close-to-perfect match of partners. She gave him a questionnaire she designed with questions ranging from background, hobbies to past relationships and other aspect of life, but he noticed that there were no questions about sex. He asked if it isn’t it necessary to know if you can enjoy good sex with a partner you intend to spend the rest of your life with before jumping the broom and saying “I Do”.

Judith having been raised from a christian background answered naively that sex before marriage is out of the point. The young millionaire further probed about her sexual life and having realised that she has been with one man all her life but claimed to be compatible with him asked, “how do you know you are compatible if you have nothing to compare it with“, i.e. how will you know that he’s perfect for you if he’s all you ever been with, how would you know that you could have had it any other way else.

Some people are of the opinion that for you to judge if someone will be able to fit and satisfy your sexual appetite, how else would you know other than have sex; pre-marital sex, it’s more like “test driving a car before purchase“, but I sincerely question their motive. Is it really about seeing the performance of the car, or the pleasure of driving the car itself, and it’s not as if that is the first and the last time you’ll ever drive the car until you are ready for a purchase. I mean, do you both have sex to check if you are compatible, then after you’re done and seen that you’re both satisfied will not do it again till after you’re married, that means it wasn’t about test driving the car in the first place.

Here is a pretty funny chat I had with a friend on this issue.

Tee Abraham: What’s ur opinion about “sexual compatibility” wt ur partner, is it smthn to consider or it’s not so primary?

Mr A: It is primaryyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Over primary kill ammmmm

Tee Abraham: lol… Y do u say dt? Y is it primary. Nd what’s sexual compatibility? Den hw do u knw u’re sexually compatible

Mr A: If ur partner can satisfy u in bed
But since Fornication is a sin, U just gon be hopeful

Tee Abraham: M sure u’re talking like ds cos i’m d one on d receiving end, talk like u’ll talk to dse street guys dt dnt care what d bible says.

Mr A: If u nack her na, U wud know if she is lazy or not, and if u can keep up

Tee Abraham: So if she dey lazy, u go just conclude dt she’s not compatible, den move to d next girl?

Mr A: Sometin lik that, If u feel she isn’t good enough for u in bed

Tee Abraham: Look at ds scenario where u’re d novice she’s d pro, every1 definitely started out as a novice

Mr A: Sure
She can teach u

Tee Abraham: Den she’ll be d one dropping u

Mr A: Nah, Men scarce. She no fit. She gats teach u

Tee Abraham: Y can’t u teach d first girl that you dropped. =D

Mr A: Some are just lazy

Tee Abraham: What if she’s still new in d bizness

Mr A: Everything depends how much u like her

Tee Abraham: So u see dt sexual compatibility myt not be d “primary” issue, if u like her very much frm d onset, if she’s naive n lazy but willing to learn wt time u’ll both dey aii, u were never a pro on ur first attempt too now

Mr A: True tho. But sex life dey important oo

Tee Abraham: Lemme paint a picture to u
Imagine u both have never had a prior experience of anythn sexual related, say it’s even ur first kiss at d altar, hw will u knw ur wife is a bad kisser?
Imagine u kiss as terrible as u both are, everyday in 3 month or six month, abeg, u’ll both be pros, same wt sex

Mr A: True tho. But some ppl are slow learners

Tee Abraham: I think God dt said no fornication knew what he meant, he knws hw important sex is, if he thinks it will be an issue he for don allow us to test d waters

Mr A: Very true, Cos u can both teach urselves. [END OF CHAT]

So having sex prior marriage to check for compatibility is more of an excuse to indulge in the act.

Some other friends proposed a better option.

Instead of test-driving, why not do a proper consultation and specification study of the car. Here is what I mean;

Miss B: You have to be sexually attracted to your partner and your partner has to be capable of making you feel horny. He/She must know how to turn you on.

And to support this point, another person said

I think sexual compatibility is about each partner telling each other what they like or doesn’t like“.

Meaning, you don’t have to engage in the act to judge compatibility, if the “sexual attractiveness” (that you see him and you desire to be intimate sexually with him/her) issue is settled, then merely talking about your personal interests and differences could settle the rest.

I sought the opinion of a young married friend and I just had to do a copy and paste of her response.

I can only use myself as an example and a little from what I’ve learnt from others. Well my direct answer is NO. You don’t have to be sexually compatible before courting or getting married. The main reason people feel they should taste is to see whether it’s good isn’t it. But tell me, if you had a taster say in a perfume shop. If you like the perfume do u buy the tester or the boxed up packaged perfume? I actually found that the most exhilarating, powerful, sweet experience once can have between 2 married partners in the area of sex is when both parties are selfless.

It’s down to how selfless you are whereby you are not having sex so as to personally enjoy it but to give your partner a world class experience and vice versa. Think about it, if I go all the way for you, a person who knows how to be thankful would do the same. As my husband is making sure I’m enjoying every tuss and turn I’m making sure as well. Lool. I let you in a bit. Whilst having a good time with my man not so long ago, he got so high with affection that he said ‘babe name it, I’d give u whatever you want.” Now my hubby isn’t one to say things loosely. The look in his eyes was so truthful and genuine. He was so pleased. Think of how God feels when we give him our best praise or honour him with our best. I just laughed cos really that was the reaction I wanted.

I’d have to admit something that it was never so rosey. my husband had some experience before marriage and I didn’t. He always knew that and he never put unnecessary stress on me. I on the other hand put so much pressure on myself. I just thought I could never give him what he wanted. He on his own part just wanted to have a good time . I was so worried and that really frustrated that area of our relationship especially at the beginning of our marriage.

We’ve come along way and until I knew the secret I just shared, we suffered in our sexual life. I found that I was not aroused anymore for him and he felt no need to ask me cos he knew my response. We only noticed how badly it was when our arguments became nonsensical. It was our Bishop who pointed it out and asked the most grinning question…how is your sex life? We then began to understand that our sex life was a holy sacred time in rejuvenating our relationship. It is so holy that God is honoured through it. God derives glory from it because we serve ourselves with humility when we become selfless even in a carnal act. We learnt that sex is never about me but him and vice versa and it is a honour to God not man. So when God put 2 people together he also thinks and considers our sexual nature. He alone knows us and who we’ll become. I would never have thought that I’d enjoy pleasuring my husband as I do today. Patience was all I needed and God knew I would Learn it.

I’m sorry to divert in any way but like I said the question is quiet diverse and I had no one but myself to explain it. Sorry if I also went all PG age 300 on you but the truth sets us free right. Hope my response help and thank u for asking me.

Enough said, this is the point where you make your contributions.

* * *

Thank you for reading. I’m really looking forward to seeing your comments.

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1 Comment

  1. Yayyy!!!!

  2. You don’t necessarily have to ‘test the car’ to see if it’s what u want. The specifications can help you decide. In the same vein, While courting, you and your partner should be able to open up to each other as to what you like in bed and what you don’t. Let me not go into details. But last last, sexual compatibility is very important. Lack of sex kills marriages. Your partner should, as contained in the post, be capable of ‘making you horny’.

  3. I think sexual compartibility can be ascertained if one can be aroused by his/her spouse. When you’re sexually attracted to your partner, you can be sure you’re compartible. Asides the attraction there is also a place for discussion. People courting shouldn’t shy away from talking about their sex lives- likes/dislikes. That’s how you’ll know if you can work with the other individual. These two things are adequate determinants- fornication/pre-marital sex isn’t necessary.

  4. I forgot to add earlier- sexual compartibility is very important. It is one of the reasons people commit adultery. Sex isn’t just about procreation, its meant to strengthen the bond/love between spouses. Hence it must be enjoyable and satisfying.

  5. The premise above is a solid one but from the story, the lady was willing to learn. My question is what if she wasn’t willing? What if your spouse already had prior experiences before your marriage? What if after the marriage you’re never satisfied? SEX is already overrated so as a Virgin you may not enjoy average sec because you already have a perfect picture in your head. You don’t have to have sex to know you’re not satisfied. Orgasm tells you that. What if you like sex 10times a week and he wants it once? What if she can’t give BJs? Have you seen the movie single and married produced by Yvonne Nelson?

    1. I really love your question Blessing, let me start by saying that temperament also informs our sexual appetite, like imagine how demanding sex will be with a perfectionist melancholy. Having said that, the post already suggests that partners need to “TALK”, about everything; likes dislikes, frequency, location, position, extent of experimenting… If she says she can’t give blow job and u can’t live without blow job (I hope u read what d lady said about Sex from a selfless perspective) and you both can’t come to a compromise, then that discussion should inform your decision (Also read Timi’s contribution about what’s primary about marriage, will you drop a girl that’s perfect for you in everyday because she can’t give a blowjob? Lol
      Also, where we have received out sexual education has contributed to the grave stage of where sexuality is in our time, most people that watch porn confess that it creates a false expectation for sex, an expectation which cannot be satisfied in real-bedroom-scenario. Let is re-educate ourselves, together with our partner, not hold on to out preconceived ideologies. I guess the case where both partners have equal experience about sex (which should be nothing) isn’t possible anymore. But let’s not hurt our partners by our numerous experiences, you were once naive too.
      *coversface* this is another post already.

      1. Lol….yeah another post already! Buh like u said, I think it’s all about selflessness. We all know we are supposed to love the one we marry and so I guess giving him max satisfaction should be our desire. If u find out after marriage that he loves it and u don’t know how to….u can always learn. If he wants sex 10times and u want it once a week on the basis of maybe strength….u can always reach an agreement with him and make him understand that some peps are not as strong as others. He loves u, He will understand but u have to also be considerate…u know what I mean 😉

  6. I think the lady put in the best response. Sexual compatibility isn’t primary. The first reason I’m going to walk up to a girl is if “God tells me that’s my woman”, or in this our world: If i see that she’s good looking and have the attributes of the person I’d like to be with.
    Look at it this way, what if the person is sexually compatible with you, but all other aspects are off, won’t you still ‘drop’ him/her?
    Sexual compatibility is important, but you don’t necessarily have to “start doing test runs and dropping those that fail tests”
    Getting into marriage without sexual compatibility, is like taking a job in a bank when you have a first degree in microbiology. what happens? You learn on the job. let me not turn this to another blogpost. What I always say to people is “Eventually you go dey alright” and Ultimately GOD knows what is best for us. It is well.

  7. Its a bouffe ….the cook (God) has made sure every delicacy is super awesome, so you mustnt go from plate to plate before you can say I had a boom at the bouffe …take a plate put something on it and bon appetite

    1. Well illustrated…our carnality fed by the media is one of the main souce of the complication. Sex isn’t rocket science, the first couples didn’t need any lesson to know how it works, why is it so hard today.

  8. D part of buying d packaged perfume nd nd not d other really got me. Thanks to d writer of this particular article, but all in all we need Christ’s help cos d spirit actually is willing but d flesh is weak.

  9. You may have to back up your claim in the temperament and sex relationship. I understand your view but I feel you can never talk about everything. That’s why marriage is a life long process of learning. I get you guys tho. It is easier for Christians to embrace this concept but what happens to others? How do you explain this? I feel this is based on a single perspective tho. Plus sometimes Love is not enough and it’s a choice.

  10. About the perfume tho, you have samples to know what you’re buying. You actually get to know the scent you are about to buy by taking a whiff from the sample you won’t perceive Beyonce heat and be given Beyonce midnight bottle. There is a reason you try in clothes when you go shopping because the tags can be deceiving. So the perfume analogy is not all that convincing. It’s a good premise.

    1. I think the main point about the perfume analogy is that you don’t pay for the sample, of course the sample informs you of how the real thing smells, but you either drop the sample of they give you as a dash while you pay for the “seal” bottle.
      Must the sample be a human soul? Let’s be human and try to put down the mirror here and think about other people a little. Can’t the “sample” be a healthy sex education (no matter the form it will be). I know it won’t be all encompassing, but it’s a tiny bottle after all, to give u glimpse of what is in the 60ml or 100ml

  11. I respect d writer of this article. Well articulated. I commend this. However, I wish you had this discussion with me. I believe I would have educated you better on this subject matter. Time wouldn’t permit me, but I would like to chip in a few words here.
    I want to start with appreciating d fact that u don’t contest dat sexual compatibility is of “very high importance” to d success of a relationship.
    Now talking about learning as u go on. Well, it’s is relative and not certain. I have dated a lady (who I disvirgined) for over 3 years, and all she did was lie on d bed like a log of wood(pardon me) even though I tried to teach and did everything to make it work. All she felt was PAIN. Nothing else!. For 3years!!!
    I have slept with a lady who I was told was “easy to get” nd it seemed she was really excited to try me out. I did it with her over nd over nd she only showed signs of ecstasy for some seconds. She gisted for most part of the 2hours I spent on her.
    I have had a couple of more experiences of such. I have also been with people nd we were blown away with the act. Enough of my own experiences.
    I have had a lady who married as a virgin, come online under anonymous mode to complain nd seek help over the sick sex drive of her husband after 6months of marriage (I could search out the link nd send to u when I have d time) she sounded miserable.
    Have u heard of d health condition “virginaismus” ? pls find out. Its nothing that any man would love to deal with.
    Now talking of both partners being selfless! Hmmm my brother, if only u know that as humans, we all have our respective limits to selflessness. My cousin who is getting married in few months time, swears on her life never to give a blowjob to any man. Of course she and her partner are still too “decent” to discuss sex to that depth. But now I imagine d guy is a person like me, who would not have sex without foreplay that includes a blowjob!. I for one can’t compromise dat wonderful aspect and sacrifice it for “ETERNITY ” with some1.(dats the limit to my selflessness). Pls how do we reconcile this after marriage????
    I would have loved to shed more light, but please Our religions aside, testing that car before buying is the wise thing to do. If u argue that, then u are saying it is totally unreasonable to testdrive a car(a real car).
    More logical advise to me will be advising the car dealer to consciously and deliberately “REGULATE” the rate at which “POTENTIAL ” buyers testdrive before final purchase.(thats wat car dealers do anyway)
    Thank YOU
    P.S : pls pardon my mistakes here. I couldn’t edit. Nd forgive me if I sound to raw or sincere!

    1. Vaginaismus not “Virginaismus” it doesn’t only affect virgins….it can be either primary or secondary, meaning that babe you tested in bed that wowed you can also develop the condition. So would you throw her out if she does?….

    2. I think it’s quite simple sir. The basis of this is the Bible sets the standard, if you see that ad religion, that’s just sad. Like earlier insinuated in the post, God knows why He said no fornication. The question is ‘are you willing to trust God for the best in your sexual life in your marriage?’ Many people are always ahead of God. Slow down.

    3. Daniel, while I appreciate you for being honest, I must correct your impression that “testing that car is the wise thing to do”. It’s not wise, or are you insinuating that you are wise. You have to worry about compatibility and satisfaction because you have tasted something already and expect every lady to live up to such standards. And it can’t be so. Certain things might be fueling your desires, but I believe reality for you begins when you accept that the God who put sexual desires in you also gave instructions on how to practise sex.
      Let me share this analogy, from a married friend, with you: What if you were a little boy and your mother cooks a meal,and asks you to eat it by 3pm so that you wouldn’t get hungry before dinner, and then she leaves the food on the table and goes out? Imagine also that out of impatience and curiousity or for the sheer thought of adventure, you decide to open the cooler and “steal” a little, cover it and hide, steal some more again and keep doing so before it is 3pm, wouldn’t you be filled with guilt for doing something wrong, when you could just wait till 3pm to eat the food like a king, without fear of being caught? Really, we shouldn’t over-rate sex. It’s not the ultimate test for a “wife material”…we need to wait for the right time and right conditions for sex. If you are attracted to your future partner and love him/her, then trust that God will make all things right. He knows what’s best, Be wise, and follow God’s instructions for your life.

  12. Here is what I think Christian or No christian sex is a thing that should be within marriage. For others – non christians at least about 70% of the time its something they hoped they didn’t do before marriage…Not all relationship will work and hence the no sampling need. So no sex is God’s way of protecting and even for the non Christians no sex before marriage is wisdom…The perfume you are allowed to sample many at times is not the one that customers will buy so I understand the sample anology. We are not doubles so many we would have said that try the other version and come and get the original.
    I don’t ever stand on the opinion of sampling – Christian or others. The lady or man you are sampling is not a product you are acquiring. If you must satisfy your hunger or sexual appetite please don’t tell me its on the basis of sampling. I wouldn’t like to know I am being sampled and I don’t think anyone wants to. It is horrible/opportunist mindset to have.
    I think another side of the story is if you are being sampled by different guys imagine if you have to come back to a family member of one of them. Its not something you will be comfortable with…Its not easy of course but from both perspectives I think abstaining is the best as this is what this article is talking about generally. For me I haven’t given a thought to sexual compatability but am I attracted to him? I will say my answer is a yes I am. Do I have to do something about it? No. In fact I think there is more to marriage than sex! It is important but that’s not what marriage is all about.
    So are there people that have missed it? yes there are and I think this article is in no way out to condemn them. Just to show them a better way.

  13. But wait, d fact that u test run a car before making d purchase doesn’t mean u will not experience car trouble. U will need to renew expired documents, visit mechanics, rewire it, wash it. Right? U keep doing everything u need to prevent a bumpy ride. I think we should treat our potential spouses as we would our cars. Whether d car is tokunbo or tear rubber, buy according to your need and do everything u need to keep it in great shape. If u have a big issue with d performance of the car consult d manufacturer.
    Ps – I am not talking about cars alone.
    Besides we treat sex as sex thats y some of these issues arise. What happened to making love? Huh! U keep trying till love is made. Not sex! Urrgh.
    Ever wondered why d bible says Adam knew his wife instead of Adam had sex with his wife? Because this act is all about knowing d other person, knowing what makes them “ohh” and “ahhh”.
    And it takes a life time to completely know someone, so wait till u r married, take ur time and have fun through it all.

    1. I totally agree wif u. Anf for d car issues I believe no one would want to test drive a car dat the he/she is not satisfied wif. So for u to want to have sex wif sm1 den dere must b qualities in dat person dat mkes u want dat person. D same way we buy a phone without test -using it but based on d specs y dnt u hav hope dat d person wld satisfy u in dat area also. Live beyond sex. Make d person happy. Make Love.

    2. Thank you Abiola. That you tested the car before purchase doesn’t mean it won’t develop faults, will you lock it up in the garage because it’s faulty? No…still takes my back to what the married lady said about “selfless sex”, Love should be the bases of sex and love judging by all those characteristics in 1 Cor 13 (which was initially a secular poem) portrays loves as selfless…love is patient…love is kind….endures all things…persevere all things…hope all things…this should play in sex too. and Thank you for the perspective, the media; movies, porn, magazines, novels…have painted sex into what they aren’t in real life, creating totally unrealistic expectations that can’t be met in a real-bedroom-situation, sex is making love, not taking love.
      I just imagine that most couples stop active sex in their 50s and 60s, If marriage is all about sex, how do they survive the rest of their marriage?

  14. I don’t think I want to stand on anyone’s ground here. I’m a christian, I have a christian lifestyle not a christian religion, so I don’t force people to believe what I believe because it took me years to have my convictions too. So this is it, Sex is good! Oh yeah! Sex is good but, I don’t think something that good should be shared around for every guy to test out of, for a girl. Good tgings do not come that easy. There’s no dignity in it! Royalties do not sleep around…That doesn’t have anything to do with christianity. I have sat with guys to talk abt sex, 90% of them aren’t hitting a girl to know if she is compatible, can we deal with the motive first? At the end, humans are just selfish.. Leave the car, perfume and all of that. Deal with ur motives guys!

  15. The reason we get to test drive a car is because it has no choice, d car will remain in d shop until someone comes along to buy it and sitting down doing nothing is not fun for a car made to drive.
    Also you can’t test drive a car if d keys have not been handed over to u.
    A lady who knows her worth will not hand over her keys (self) over to a potential buyer just to convince him of her worth, also she wouldn’t give herself over to a guy as if she had no choice.
    Also note that people are not cars. U don’t take the keys to a womans life, turn her on, drive till u r satisfied and then turn her off. Test driving might work for car but not for people with emotions.

    1. Just like the chat in the post, people can just talk all they care when they aren’t the victim of the situation. Sex is previous…of course, otherwise there won’t be so much fuzz about it.
      Treat others like you will want to be treated, or like you’ll want your daughter to be treated…

  16. mmhh nice one. but u’ve abandoned me oo…..

  17. Frankly its when we start feeding ourselves with unrealistic n unnecessary fallacies dats when we begin to look for sexual compatibility…

  18. Nice write up,keep it up..I’d like to chip in a few things tho…sex is a two edged sword,could make or mar a relationship….either ways just keep it real with your partner,know your pros and crons,what turns you on,which way you best enjoy being f**kd,ask all the necessary questions and be sure you are missing out on nothing because you could never be too sure…some ladies love been touched with toys likewise men love BJs…above all,abstaining till marriage is the best way for a couple to have the best sexual compactibility.

  19. Hmm… Lovely comments. For me I will say that we should be wise. The married lady has said it all rili. If we keep testing everyone that comes around we r sharing our self with everyone of dem, spiritual problems are added to d issues on ground. God knows why He told us to kip ourselves bcos d devices of d devil plenty. See is something you get tired of why not wait for the right person to get there. Trust me if he/she loves you he/she wld be ready to teach u everything u don’t know. Pls let us do everything we do with wisdom may God help us.

  20. I believe that Marriage is not just about SEX, there is a whole lot more. Love concentrates on giving and being selfless. There is no limit to being selfless, if you are selfless you are selfless.
    The problem is that over time our minds have been fed with the falsities of SEX, we have been grossly misinformed with all these movies, music and all other media, our purity of thought have been tampered with, the only out is to renew your mind really with God’s own perception via his word and edifying materials like this blog post. SEX is a sacred act between married couples, no a place to satisfy our own desires but that of our partners. Just as you willing to learn and improve in your job or career, it is the same with SEX, if you submit your self to your partner. If your marriage or relationship is facing financial struggles, Your SEX life would be your least priority… Lol.

  21. I love this post…talking from the perspective of one who has been molested and does not look forward to sex, this is pretty intense and kinda gives me hope

  22. I believe this is a Christian blog, and I will speak with you guys based on that. It’s so shameful to see christians not just embrace premarital sex but even take those that brag about it as heros. What are we insinuating? Let shamefulness remain what it is, premarital sex is a big shame. Not what any should boast of. Post of a few of us also suggest since the sex is to check if someone is compatible then its worth the contemplation. The truth is this would only be tolerable to anyone who has lost the sacredness of sex experience btw only two person in a life time. To have used that example in Teptation because its a movie by Tyler perry show where we truly are as christian on issues pertaining to marraige and sex.Forget nolly wood regardless of who wrote what, let the bible the your standard. Having said that, this is marraige, in courtship let there be no hold back in discussing sex. Transparent and raw discussion of it would help you know if there is any reason to path ways despite love. God bless you all

  23. All I know is there is nothing like Christianity or religion aside…just trust God and he will take care of this important aspect. There should be nothing to compare it to…bcos its supposed to b “IT”….

  24. Hmmm…I have really enjoyed reading this. I enjoyed the comments too. Good job, Lifegiva2. Let me first of all say that the only reason issues like this come up in our current society is because the institution of marriage and the sacred act of sex have been abused…totally abused. Society has fed us with all kinds of things. I recently read of a Disney Movie that is about two princes who “found love” in each other,and the rider said “Sometimes, you don’t have to love a princess to live happily happy ever after”. The poiny is to educate children on tolerance of gay movements and absurd sexual orientations. Who dictates how we live? Society or God’s word? A lot of people aren’t even proud to say they are virgins for fear of how their friends around them would view them. It’s about the perspective people have about life. I had a chat with a friend a day before I saw this post. She bragged to me that ” I am a Christian oh, and I know what the Bible says but I must sleep with my future husband (even if he is a pastor), at least once, before I marry him. I must know if he can satisfy me in bed, etc.” Why would you want to test the waters? Funny enough, this girl in question does not mind the consequences of such a decision, but instead brags that she would use protection.
    The only reason anybody would call soemthing counterfeit is their knowledge of the existence and quality of an original. Testing the waters, or tasting egusi, okro, banga, afang & edikang-ikong soups to determine which is your best soup is a very lame excuse. I believe God designed things to be the way they are. Adam didn’t need to test the waters before being with Eve. Novels like Mills & Boons and movies and the internet have poisoned the minds of our young people and give them false things to hang their hopes on. Marriage is a lot more than sex, though I must say it is a very important part of marriage. It is a sealing bond. Let’s keep it real and stand up for the truth when we hear falsehood from people’s lips. God is counting on us to help salvage our dying morals and culture.

  25. […] in the heat of a previous post on whether SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY is a primary factor in deciding the fate of a relationship, and how this can be judged, a friend […]


  27. […] Should you look forward to the Wedding Night? By all means, it’s a special night… the miracle of union, and where your bodies will become one. Bible stories record stories of huge parties and celebration around wedding nights, meaning it is something noteworthy. However, from today’s post, sexual intimacy transcends that night, it doesn’t end that night, after all, you might not even get to understand each other’s body and taste yet… nose clashing, and lots of ouch from hurting each other. (Is SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY important and how do you judge. CLICK HERE to read) […]

  28. […] must find the person attractive, it’s very important. We stated it in a previous post, “SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY” that the person must be capable of making you […]

  29. Wow cool post very informative, what I will just add is sex is really overrated I am not saying it’s unimportant but I liken it to a cup of wood that has been made a golden jar. True love has absolutely nothing to do with sex if sex was so important why won’t we be having sex in heaven or why do people who are completely sold out to God not engage in it. The reason why sex makes sense and is something to look forward to is coz of love.
    Haven watched porn and read at lot of xrated books pardon me when I say having sex for women is more about the emotions than the act itself remove the emotions and the act is nothing pleasant. For the guys I know you are more physical and don’t take stock of emotions but the act is also empty for you after the pleasurable feeling passes and it’s really for a shorter time compared to other activities that can give you long lasting pleasure like creating something and watching it come alive it could be a book, an invention, an idea whatever which is why most guys tend to be workaholics
    Why is it that sex is the last thing on your mind when you are doing something really important to you it only comes to mind when you take a break or your mind goes to someone you care about after which you focus on the task to be done and think of sex as celebration or compensation or relaxation at the end of the day. If you can’t do something all day like sex then it’s not as important as we make it to be. It’s like salt in a food when it’s too much can be sickening when it’s too little can be bland nobody gets it ryt all the time. The same way you can’t eat salt alone or make the dish about salt is the same way we shouldn’t make life about sex. Let’s get the ryt ingredients which is best in marriage den the salt will make better sense.

    1. @Chic_a …nyc 1
      “The same way you can’t eat salt alone or make the dish about salt is the same way we shouldn’t make life about sex.”

  30. […] Must dating partners be sexually compatible?  […]

  31. i just read this post. i think its sick for some guys to try to want to test a lady before marriage. don’t get me wrong, I’ve had sex with the man who is asking for my hand in marriage and till today i am still saying no for one reason or the other (though I’ll eventually say yes) and we both decided to drop the sex so as to not destroy our destinies. Now if you ask me if we are compatible, I’ll say i enjoyed having sex with him because he was my first. if you ask me if i feel the need to sleep around to find out if I’m sexually compatible with him, I’ll tell you that i will rather die than make a soul tie with another person all in the name of scientific sexual discovery (and trust me i have had different encounters with temptation). i just think Judith was too dumb. once you love a person, you are compatible with them. if you need help in your marriage on sex, watch videos that teach a man how to love his woman (not porn) because i don’t see the logic behind it, you read to pass an exam, study the bible to overcome temptation and grow, watch your mothers cook so as to learn and then you cant watch or read something to help you with your sex life? common, not all knowledge is demonic. Anyways, my advise is simply thus: if you as a girl are innocent (tear rubber), you’ll be compatible with any one even a novice. but if you are not, you need to settle down and talk to the person you want to marry before sexual dissatisfaction will ruin your life and marriage and you begin to regret your actions in the past (just saying). PLEASE READ SAFE HAVEN AFTER THIS ARTICLE, THANK YOU.

  32. […] SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY – Is sexual compatibility between dating partners compulsory, if yes, how do you judge it? […]

  33. It all boils down to faith.
    The manufacturer always knows best.
    The important question to ask is, “Do I trust my creator’s instructions to be the best for me?”
    You don’t have to worry about testing your partner before marriage if you really believe that God knows best, and His instructions are for our benefit, not His.
    As a Christian, you don’t have to be in the dark, or be tossed back and forth on whether or not to test-run someone.
    Follow your manufacturer’s manual (the bible) and leave the rest in His hands.
    Again, therefore, Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

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