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A friend has been dating a guy for two years now. At the beginning, the guy was the one truly in love but along the line, the lady fell seriously for him. Now that she’s totally committed, the guy is threatening to end the relationship because she’s refusing him sex. She is depressed now and doesn’t know what to do. What should she do?
N.B.: This is the concluding part of the post. (CLICK ME TO READ PART 1)
Answer: There is a story told in the Bible about Ammon and his half sister, Tamar (2 Samuel 13). Ammon desired Tamar sexually up to the point that he was looking haggard and perhaps depressed. (In my own interpretation, he felt like if he didn’t lie with her, he would die). You know what? He did lie with her…he only did it forcefully (rape). But you see, his main point was sex and the Bible says that “he hated her with intense hatred” after the “so called do or die sex“.
I use this scripture as a practical example that there is a reason God keeps saying we should keep sex till marriage. If your friend gives in to him, she starts to lose value in the boy’s eyes.
The scripture continues by saying Ammon sent Tamar out of his sight. In your friend’s case, her boyfriend will start changing gradually. Ask people. Ask anyone that’s ready to tell you the truth. I believe this point has passed its message.
This brings me to my next point: any man that will be your head (husband) must earn your respect/ honor by the value and respect he gives to your first head, Jesus Christ, and then to you. Remember, Jesus Christ honored God and valued humanity and the church (obviously He died! What other way is there to show value?). Husbands are to love their wives that way. No stories. (Ephesians 5.25). If your boyfriend doesn’t value you now, he is not going to start valuing you when you go naked before him. You’re only to be naked and unashamed with one person and that person has to be the one that God has ordained and seal with and for you (Gen 1.25).
Finally, we hear this everyday- “I love you; I love you, I really do…My love for you is_____”
What is Love? Love is patient, Kind. It doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it’s not proud, it’s not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong, it doesn’t delight in evil, rejoices with the “Truth”. Love always trusts, hopes and preserves. There’s no true love that is self-seeking. So the guy –seeking to gratify his own flesh- doesn’t love her. She just thinks he does. Most importantly no “True Love” can ever be outside Christ.
Please, once your relationship isn’t giving you “Righteousness, Peace & Joy in the Holy Ghost”, or at least one of these, please…just…just sign out...In my opinion, your friend needs to leave. She’s depressed because she thinks she can’t do without him. She will only get the truth when she is ready and opened to let go of him. Only Jesus Christ can be her all in all, not her boyfriend.
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As she leaves him, she will begin to discover her true worth and value and enjoy pure joy. It will be hard…but this too will pass and as she keeps looking up to God, her face will continually be brighten She will never be ashamed. I promise.
And of course counseling sessions will help her heal, because she will hurt- but she will survive. She should keep praying for the guy as her brother but she may not need to have any physical meeting with him after the break up…for a while.
Wisdom is indeed profitable to direct.
I believe that this and all that has been shared earlier (HERE)will help her greatly.
Kindly contribute as a comment below.
Read answers to the previous questions here –>>; THE QUESTIONNAIRE
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Nkechi Chiazor is a Women Distinctiveness Teacher. She is passionate about helping women find their true worth, value and distinctiveness. She is the founder of WONDIVA (Wonderfully Distinguished; Virtuous; Attractive) a network that helps women understand their distinctiveness and come to see themselves the way God sees them.
The Questionnaire is a platform from WONDIVA that helps ladies find true direction in life and walk in the truth through the answers we proffer. It also show ladies the love and wisdom of God through the right answers we help them discover.
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Awesome… Love only makes sense in Christ