If you are like me, it becomes extremely uncomfortable in a Christian meeting when it seems the pastor might make an un-becoming roll call; asking those who aren’t virgins to raise their hands.
Yeah, now you know my secret?, but before you come to a conclusion, I’m still very much confused on if I’m supposed to raise my hands or not when such call is made (definitely if I want to be truthful).
What kind of a virgin are you?
I don’t know if you have ever heard the term “front end virgins” and “back end virgins“, or maybe it’s just a term I coined. But I’m in need of a sincere clarification of when someone can boldly claim to be a virgin.
To what extent is someone permitted to go (sexually) to still be referred to as a virgin? What sexual experience draws the line between a virgin and a non-virgin?
I know my question might seem weird, but I will explain the reason soon.
Consider the following class of people;
- I have no sexual experience whatsoever
- I’ve engaged in masturbation (self-applied/admitted sex)
- I have been fingered or received a hand job.
- I have kissed/been kissed and received heavy Petting (without contact with genitals).
- Anything but penetration (vaginal/penile intercourse). Other forms of sex (anal, oral) but hymen still dey intact.
- Rape/molestation case.
Which of the above is still a virgin? Hold up before you answer.
The Christians’ emphasis on virginity in such a world so porous with sex that you can almost pick sex in the air as resulted in producing different types of virginity.
How do I mean?
The only medical definition of a virgin is someone whose hymen (the fold of skin that partly covers the entrance of the vagina) is unbroken.
If the non-virgins are asked to raise their hands, please what happens to someone who has had every form of sexual excitation, even to reaching a climax but has never had penile-vaginal intercourse? (I hope you know I’m addressing both male and female here?)
Does such a person who knows the feeling of having sex (to whatever degree) qualify as a virgin, because he has not done the ultimate act?
I remember I was in a Christian youth meeting and I had to go up the stage to show my dissatisfaction on how the topic of virginity was being treated, it was too un-real and seemingly unfair.
The Pastor Mrs went on and on, mostly judgmental about virginity. I know it’s a pretty serious case to God, judging from the severity of how it was mentioned and treated from the Old Testament to the new, but, come on, give some “non-virgins” a break; it wasn’t the fault of some.
Where do you place someone who was abused? Technically/medically, such a person isn’t a virgin, but I still believe your virginity can’t be taken from you, you have to give it. Hence, “virginity test” might just ascertain the presence or absence of the thin skin covering, but not actually discover the true virginity state.
A friend once shared the picture of a lady that produced her virginity certificate (authenticated by a doctor) to her parents on her wedding day, but I wasn’t quick to celebrate her, because I might just be celebrating mediocrity and falsehood in the name of chastity.
I bet some ladies who lost their virginity to vigorous sport or even abuse are more chaste than some individuals who haven’t eaten the forbidden fruit – but have drank it as a juice, or taken it in some other processed form, maybe food supplement ??.
The focus of this post isn’t to seek revenge for the virgins and non-virgins from the mere-medical virgins but to scream as high as I can that if we want to be pure and chaste, then we should be pure and chaste, and not just keep our hymen or penis from being penetrated or penetration – while we do other things and still claim that we are keeping ourselves for marriage.
When it is your wedding night, how many people will be in your bed??
Let me explain what I mean. When writing an exam, you might be the only one holding the pen and answering the questions but you are not the only one writing the paper, you have the voice of your teacher, you have the image of your tutor explaining, your siblings taking you through final drills…..all these people write the exam with you.
Now bring this to the marriage bed. Will you be alone with your married spouse or will you have with you the experiences and baggage from other previous sexual partners, even though you married as a virgin?
When the bible insisted on sex only in marriage, it was to uphold God’s design of marriage which is “two becoming one“, not four trying to become one. By four, I don’t mean four separate individuals, but one individual being more than one via sex. No wonder sex is referred to as a union.
In Christian meetings, the term “secondary virgins” has been coined to qualify those who although not virgins physically, have renounced and repented of their sinful ways.
Point to note: There is no such thing as secondary virginity, but there is such thing as purity. Even though you might not be qualified medically as a virgin, you can still be marked as pure by God’s standard.
After all, the popular verse, Matthew 5:8 never said “Blessed are the virgins, for they shall see God”, but it says “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”.
The word virgin means the same thing as pure/virtuous, and the bible’s emphasis was never on protecting a piece of skin, but protecting our heart from contamination/impurity.
My closing word is taken from Isaiah 1:18;
Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.
I’ve had my share of struggles with mind games and sexual sin (Read: WHO SAYS SIN IS NOT ENJOYABLE), but I am a testimony that the word of God, made alive by the person of the Holy Spirit, can transform the most depraved human heart.
I believe it was worth the read, feel free to leave a comment below.