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finding me


He Is Aggressive, Gets Angry Often and Hits Me – Should I Still Marry Him?

My question goes like this……

As a young lady, you are in a serious relationship with a guy and you have prayed about him and it was revealed that he is the right one! You went to Pastors to pray and the same was revealed that he is the perfect man for you.

But he is the aggressive type, gets angry often and hits you at the slightest thing. Will you still go on marrying the guy because already you have been told he is the right man or will you quit the relationship?


I will try to reply this from an all-encompassing perspective. When a man is looking for a wife, it’s different from when a boy is looking for a girlfriend. So you must ask yourself, Why am I getting into this relationship? For what purpose exactly? You see many guys that are in relationships and beat their girlfriends have these in common

They don’t know the true definition of Marriage, therefore they don’t cherish it.

Ladies, A man that is trying to find a wife (not a sex partner or a girlfriend) will not raise up his hands to hit that person because he recognizes the reason for their being together which is primarily for Marriage. He will act right and put himself together in the right and best possible way because the person who ordained that institution ordained some principles and guiding laws for how it should work.

Jesus because of the glory that was set before him (his ultimate goal for coming to earth) endured the pain and suffering. Any guy that cannot look at you as Christ looked at His Church and love you as Christ loved and tolerated His Church -some of them who actively participated in killing him back then- is still a boy and needs to go back to grow and groom himself for what he is getting into.

When a Man finds a wife, He obtains favor from God.

A man must have control over his own self, as a matter of fact, people are called man or woman because it is believed they have grown past some childlike phases into more matured phases. Age obviously doesn’t mean one is fully a man or a woman, Character shows this.

So are there people with anger issues? Yes, but you must groom yourself while you are single so you don’t become a burden to anyone else. That means, go to whoever you need to go to for help, read books, see a counselor and practice your improvement with your everyday life not with a girlfriend.

The waiting period ladies are for this! So instead of people being desperate to enter a relationship, you must endeavour to keep finding yourselves. Find you! There is no way you will be finding you and you won’t know that you have some terrible characters that you need to change. It is only a serious man that will make conscious effort to change and transform himself before going to get a wife.

So, here’s the truth: “Any guy who hasn’t found himself before trying to find you is less likely going to take you seriously“.

Also, there is nobody that understands what obtaining favor from God is and treats what made him gain favor anyhow. If a guy understands – I mean UNDERSTANDs- what He has especially if you are for him, the difference will be apparently clear.

Please, the option of correcting a man is for those that are already married. That option is usually given first of all so that divorce isn’t the first option (in which sometimes it may or may not work).

The option of correcting a man is for those that are already married. Click To Tweet

Please if you are single, concern yourself with pursuing your purpose and vision. Now you can influence him to be better and I am not disputing that fact. But if you must do that, please do that from “outside” the relationship, if He then becomes a man, You may come back together after proper and true spiritual leading “if he is for you”.

The fruits of the Spirit is and will continue to be [technology will never change this, not in 100years to come] are: Love; joy; peace; patience; kindness; meekness; goodness; faithfulness(Amplified version, emphasis added)

You have to first grow this to a particular measure because we grow daily, then look for a measure of these things in your man, and trust me a measure of each can make you a best behaved human being.

This and the characteristics of Love should be your guide

1 Cor 13 – Patient & Kind, not boastful, not arrogant, not rude, it endures, is not easily angered, it’s not selfish, doesn’t keep record of wrongs and so on. I love you is not by mouth, let actions speak.

I love you is not by mouth, let actions speak. Click To Tweet

The word of God is greater than the word of the pope or the greatest pastor in the world. Once his life isn’t going in accordance with what God’s word is saying, you better disappear. It was God that created Marriage not your pastor or spiritual leader. Please let’s always measure with the right source for every information; not only in Marriage but other issues as well.

The word of God is greater than the word of the pope or the greatest pastor in the world. Click To Tweet

Finally; Keep becoming a wife and you will not attract boys. God’s word says that you are far above rubies; there is no man that will recognize such treasure and begin to destroy it.

Ask yourself if you can just carry your phone and start shattering it. If you can’t, while will someone treat you God’s treasure like a valueless commodity? Beware and be watchful.

If a guy is going to mistreat you before you say yes, you will know ‘if you choose not to deceive yourself’. So please calm down, become the person you want to attract first, then test anyone that comes your way before taking a step and take it gradually.

Kindly contribute as a comment below.

Read answers to the previous questions here –>>; THE QUESTIONNAIRE

Nkechi Chiazor



3 Tips on Maintaining Your Faith When You Move Away From Home

Image by Sonja Pacho/Corbis

Image by Sonja Pacho/Corbis

As graduation season approaches, and many of us leave home- or the places that we have called home for the past few years, some fears usually arise. There usually is the natural anxiety of leaving our comfortable environments, there also is the fear of not finding a spiritual home that will nurture us in faith and love.

I’ve been there several times, and today, I’m sharing a few of my personal tips.

Like many Nigerians, I was shipped off to boarding school at ten. I attended a catholic boarding school in a different city from where I lived, so at the beginning of every term when I said goodbye to my family, I pretty much was on my own. Being a religious school helped a lot. We had daily mass, that I attended, although this was not mandatory. I also met some very devoted Christians (both catholic and non catholic), and they also sharpened my faith. I grew tremendously in my walk with God, and I began to develop a personal, intimate relationship with Him.

Armed with my six years experience at boarding school, I thought I was ready to conquer the world beyond the shores of Nigeria. At 16, I began A’Levels outside Nigeria. This was an entirely new ballgame. I’ll never forget my first assembly at my new school. We just began assembly with a loud and cheerful “Hello everyone, Happy Monday!” I was petrified. How did we not pray? How did we just begin the meeting like that was no God in heaven to whom we owed our lives and entirety?

And thus began my personal quest for a good Christian community of believers where I could express my faith. Here are a few tips that helped me in that period. These tips also helped me immensely even when I transitioned into university and almost began my life anew, in another country and with an entirely different culture.

1. Always maintain your own personal, intimate relationship with God.

This is especially important if you’re moving into a new culture. Church is as cultural as it is spiritual. Before you find a new church home, it is important to keep the fire alive in your own personal relationship. Even when you find a church that’s very spiritual, you may not feel comfortable there because they do things differently from you. They may not pray the way you do, sing the songs you know, or even teach the word of God like you’ve been accustomed to. In those moments, your own personal relationship with God will keep you going. You’ll be able to communion with Him, even when you don’t have anyone else to around you.

2. Be Open Minded.

This is a segue from the comment above. Always remember that as every individual is different, so is every organization and church. A church is made up of diverse individuals, who bring their own sensibilities and mannerisms. You may not feel like part of the community just immediately, but persevere, and soon, you’ll find your place. Once the doctrine is sound, and the people are genuine, trust that everything else will fall into place. You may feel nostalgic and homesick in the first few months, but you’ll always make a few friends and begin to feel at home again. You also can begin to join small groups and committees. These are fantastic ways to know people on a personal level, and to feel like you’re making a difference.

3. Start Something New!

Moving away from home may just be the little push that you need to step out into the unknown and start something new. Start small, and pour into it. You can start a Christian acapella group, bible study, or prayer group. In fact, you can have all three! You don’t need a multitude of people to start something. Even if you find just one other person, make them your prayer partner, and you’ll both strengthen each other, and attract new members. Small groups are definitely a new way to build intimate connections not only with God, but also with one another. Remember what Mordecai said to Esther “Perhaps you’re queen for a time such as this.” So too, perhaps you’ve been thrown into the unknown for a time such as this! The fruits of your courage may well be enjoyed for generations to come. Don’t be afraid. Take one step at a time, and the Lord will direct your path.

That’s it for today friends! I hope this has blessed you. Send these tips to anyone you know who is leaving their comfort zone and stepping out into the world.

Have you moved recently? Have you even been in a similar situation? Please share the tips and tricks that have helped you make the transition! Let’s all learn from each other.

Written by; Alheri

I am available for questions and comments at alheribee@gmail.com
I also blog at http://msalheri.com

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MAKE SURE IT FITS – A General Fit Guide for Men's Fashion

The Refined Man tumblr.com

The Refined Man tumblr.com

Your appearance; whether sharp and confident, relaxed and cool, or sloppy and scruffy is often reduced to the fit of your clothing. Finding the right tailor may be crucial, but there is nothing nearly as significant as sharing a critical eye with the fitting-room mirror. The following should serve as a general fit guide for the novice. It doesn’t take a special skill to make clothes fit, it just takes paying attention to details.


IMG_20151026_080904The Collar: The collar should just graze your neck without constricting it. You should be able to comfortably put two fingers in your collar after it is buttoned.
The Shoulder Seam: It must be at your shoulder bone. Anything above or below is ill-fitting.
The Sleeves: These should not be so tight that you all the details of your arms are visible neither should it be so loose that it billows. When bending your arms, a fitted sleeve cuff moves just an inch upwards. Make sure that you sleeve doesn’t gather at the cuffs, it causes your limbs to appear shorter.
The Cuffs: These should meet the point were you palms begins. It should be tight enough but a bit loser than your properly fitting watch.
The Shirt Lenght: These should be such that bending and making natural movements does not cause the shirt to become untucked. Additionally, if you fold your hands behind your head, your shirt should remain tucked. If this is a problem, the shirt may be too short or the armholes may be too low. Alternatively, armholes should not be tight around the shoulder.


  • IMG_20151026_081036The tie should not tighten your collar but should simply just sit under your collar.
  • Your knot should vary depending on your collar. A wider collar also known as a spread collar ( mostly on british shirts) would call for a larger knot such as a full-windsor. A narrow collar, such as a classic, buttoned down or tab collar (mostly on American shirts), would call for a four-in-hand. Experiment and see what knot looks good to you. You knot must be at the center of your collar, a little shift will be noticed.
  • When using a tie clip, note this, it must be between your third and fourth button from the top.
  • While standing straight, the bottom of your tie should just reach the center of or the tip of your belt buckle



Dress Pants and Chinos

  • IMG_20151026_080927No pants should need a belt to stay on your hips. Pleats are your worst enemy, avoid them ; they make you look as though you are carrying more weight around your stomach.
  • Trousers should not be tight to the leg, but also should not billow. It should be comfortably close to the leg without causing resistance when you sit or walk.
  • You generally want a single break in the pant leg. A break is a crease at the base of the pant leg created when the pant collapses onto the shoe. If you’re going sockless with slim chinos then you probably want no breaks.

Let us note that clothes best flatter a fit body. When it comes to your appearance, apparel is only part of the equation. It is important to eat well, drink well, and exercise occasionally. The simple truth is you don’t need six-pack abs to look good. It is much easier for clothing to look great for someone in shape than out of shape.

Eminence is Attainable!!!

Make sure you read my previous post [wp-svg-icons icon=”point-right” wrap=”i”] How Well Do You Know Your Fabrics?

Yours truly,

Gabriel Adewale Balogun

Image Consultant | Fashion Designer | Personal Shopper.

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Hand of man undressing woman
I woke up one morning and I started flashing back on all the things that have happened in my life and I could not stop crying. Even as I write this, I’m trying to control the tears. I just can’t help but think that if certain things didn’t happen to me, my life may have turned out a different way.
I was molested as child, many times. From then till a few weeks ago, I never saw my body as a temple. With every relationship I entered, it became worse. My body became objectified by these men who claimed to love me. Nobody knew what was going on with me because all I did was plaster a smile on my face like the world was perfect. I just want someone who would love me for me and not for my body. Is that too much to ask for?
And then one day I was chatting with a friend and he told me he and his girlfriend had made up their minds not to engage in any physical activity till they get married. That gave me hope.
But that morning, I decided to take control of my life and I took an oath of celibacy. I decided to bring it here and help any other girl who is in the same situation as I am. So if you want to do this, and trust me it takes a lot of courage and grace, say the next few lines to yourself and mean it.
Dear God, you word says that I should glorify You with and in my body since I’m not my own, I was bought with the precious price of your son’s blood.
I desire to henceforth stay clean from any form of sexual immorality, I understand that without you I can do nothing, so I asked for your strength and grace to stay pure in this depraved world. Remind me that You are with me, that You’ve made a way of escape and that You have a greater plan for me in my hours of temptation.
In Jesus name, Amen
Let me just add that God is not angry with you. I used to think it would be impossible for God to still see me and love me as he used to. But God still loves me as he loves you. He’s never not in the mood for you. So just talk to him. He will make everything perfect as he is perfect.
‘Ladies, you’re the owner of your body. Don’t let any man do what you don’t want to be done to it’


Unsettled Adnan


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finding me

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A past so deep haunts Jadesola. Sim runs in the shadows of who she thinks she is. The two sisters run the same path, yet never meet at any point- until the cross. Muddled Affairs shows that it is at the cross that every failure, every pain, every shame is taken away and replaced with a newness of heart. Some days, it is the ones we love that hurt us. What we do is to take it to the cross and leave it there.

Jadesola woke up that morning. She was so eager to see Lekan. He had just come back from the states and they had begun a secret affair online. They had started the relationship on Facebook and they would send nudes to each other on whatsapp. She knew it was wrong. At sixteen, she wasn’t even supposed to be in a relationship, talk less of sending nudes to a guy who was more like a family member. Her mum would kill her, considering the fact that her mum had low opinions on love and dating. Maybe because she and dad split up…

She had her bath, and all she could imagine was she in Lekan’s arms throughout the day, reading him a book and having lunch in his beautiful apartment. He was such a gentleman, and everything she wanted in a man. She got out and began to dress up when her mum walked into her room.

“I need you to stay home with Simi today”, she said, rather authoritatively.

“Mum, I am going out…”

“To where?”, mum asked, looking shocked that Jade could even think of going out .

“Lekan is back ma, I want to go and see him ma”, Jade replied as she wore her shoes. She was wearing a pink gown with blue frails all over.

“Hmmm. Jadesola, the idea of you going to a guy’s house alone doesn’t augur well with me…”

“I’ll be fine mum, I am grown”.

She carried her bag and left the room immediately. It was obvious that the relationship she had with her mum was faulty. They hardly saw eye to eye on any issue and they avoided each other like plagues. Maybe it was because Jadesola’s biological mum died while giving birth to her, and she somehow became her mum’s new first daughter when her dad remarried.

Jadesola walked briskly to the bus stop, as a bus approached her.

“Challenge!!!! Challenge”

She entered the bus and the bus continued to move.  All she could think of was Lekan. She remembered his words as clear as day.

‘You are my missing piece…”

“Awelewa. Your beauty strikes me like the thunder bolt of Greece”

“I cannot wait to hold you in my arms, finally”

“When I am with you, time ceases to pass”

‘No one else completes me like you do…’

‘When I think of you, joy fills my soul…’

And those words serenaded Jadesola’s thoughts as they approached his bus stop. She had a strange feeling that she should go back, but she yearned to see him. Besides, what is the harm in visiting a guy? He’s my boyfriend. Everyone does it.

She knocked on his door after spending fifteen minutes walking to his house from the bus stop. He opened the door and smiled so widely.

“Jade baby”

He took her in his arms and they kissed passionately as they entered the small house together. Her heart began to beat faster because somehow, she felt awkward kissing him, and she pulled him away slowly.

“What is it?” Lekan asked, as he removed his trousers. She got scared and carried her bag and wanted to leave, seeing Lekan seemed to be in the “mood”. He dragged her back violently, hurting her head as he brought her to himself. “Isn’t this what you want, Jade?”

“No…no”, Jade replied as tears began to fall from her eyes. “Not like this, please”, she whimpered as he pushed her on the chair. Because of her tiny frame he seemed to overpower her, she couldn’t even breathe.

“Lekan, you’re hurting me…please…allow me give it to you on a platter”, she said as he held her hands. His eyes were suddenly red, and it seemed like he had made up his mind to do this a long time ago.

“It’s too late”, he replied as removed her pant with such violence. Her gown was soaked in her tears. Her pride was being violated by a man she called “lover”. All of a sudden, she felt “naked and ashamed” as she felt his male organ touch her thighs.

Jade began to scream as she felt him inside her, pounding violently. Her body shook in fright as she couldn’t believe this was happening to her. The man she loved was hell bent on hurting her. As he continued to swerve around and gasp for breath, she cried silently. Somehow, words failed her. And worse still, no one could hear her scream. She felt…alone…again.

And she thought the worst had happened.

The worst hadn’t happened until she noticed that she missed her period for August.

She didn’t think it was such a big deal, until she didn’t see it in September. She got scared, considering the fact that she knew that there was a possibility that she was carrying Lekan’s violent seed in her. She stopped eating much. She decided to go to the family doctor for a test. And there. It was confirmed.

“You are what?”

Jadesola’s mum paced around the living room, not knowing what to make of Jadesola’s news. “Pregnant for who?” she asked.


“Ha… I warned you against that boy didn’t I? I heard he travelled back last week..”

‘God will punish you Lekan, and may everything you lay your hands on cease to prosper’, Jadesola muttered under her breath as she cried heavily.

“What do we do now, ehn Jade? School is to resume next week, and you can’t afford to start your university degree thinking of a baby oh”

Jadesola began to cry more as her mum dragged her close and hugged her.

“Hush , hush,” she replied. “It’s going to be alright”, she added. “We can do something about this”, she concluded as she dragged Jade up and hugged her closely.

The next day, her mum made her some swiss chocolate. “This will make you feel better dear, rest okay? Simi is with Aunty Bimpe”.

Jadesola drank the chocolate, and the next thing….she woke up feeling pains all over her abdomen. She was bleeding profusely and she saw the family doctor looking worried, frantically searching for something.

“My…my baby”, Jadesola whispered.

“Lanre, why is she still bleeding? You’ve removed the baby now…”

“There must have been an error somewhere, calm down so I can think”

As her pride was violently taken by the one she called” lover”, her baby was forcefully and subtly killed by the one she called “mother”.

And that was the very genesis of her bareness, because for some careless reason from the doctor, her womb got damaged. The doctor had his grandchildren while she….prayed for a miracle.



Written by; Oyinkansola Ige

I am sure it has been a great journey following this story, will there be a continuation? Do you think there should be? Let’s know what you think of the story, and a word to the author would be appreciated. 

Other stories by Oyinkansola

Shadows (Episodes 1-10)
Finding Me (Episode 1-9)

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A past so deep haunts Jadesola. Sim runs in the shadows of who she thinks she is. The two sisters run the same path, yet never meet at any point- until the cross. Muddled Affairs shows that it is at the cross that every failure, every pain, every shame is taken away and replaced with a newness of heart. Some days, it is the ones we love that hurt us. What we do is to take it to the cross and leave it there.

Chief Gbade sat in his multi sized living room, with blue drapes and white curtains. The television was on CNN and even if he was staring at the television, his mind wandered afar off. Thoughts of his best friend, Segun’s daughters- Jade and Simi filled his head. How could he be so stupid? He wondered. He should never have slept with Simi, the younger one with the voluptuous body and seductive smile. He grinned at himself when he remembered the first time he saw her naked in his private chambers.

What is this world turning into? He asked himself. He was supposed to be like a father to her, not her sugar daddy. They had gone on several love trips in the guise of trade trips to Dubai and holiday trips to Paris. Jade would never have noticed, so he was shocked when she called him and hurled abusive words at him, calling him a pedophile and a beast who had no regard for family in any way. Maybe Simi ended up disclosing their affair. But she wouldn’t be so silly would she?

“Honey, you’ve been staring into space for hours”, his wife, Amelia said as she came down from the stairs in her blue gown. She looked ravishing as usual. His money was definitely doing the trick on her.

“Yes, yes”, he replied, as he sat up and looked at her. He smiled to himself. ‘I married a beautiful wife’. “My mind has been in different places dear” he said as he put his hands on her protruding stomach. “You look beautiful even in your baby state dear”

“Gbade all these sweet words though”, she replied ad she kissed him lightly. “I’m fortunate to be with a man like you darling”, she replied as she looked at her wristwatch.

“Expecting someone?”

“Not exactly”, Amelia replied, smiling. “Speaking of which, I want to invite Simi over…”

Gbade’s face froze almost immediately. It was a good thing Amelia didn’t notice, contrary to her intuitive nature. “Why?” he asked non-challantly.

“She has always had a thing for babies, and I want her to know one or two things about how pregnancies could be, plus I could do with some company”, she replied, smiling again.

Gbade’s mind began to travel places. What if she finds out? What if Simi tells her? What if Jadesola tells her? Should I tell her? No.  It would be dangerous. Sleeping with my best friend’s daughter, someone old enough to be my daughter? It would break Amelia.. She could lose the baby. …she could.  

“Honey, are you listening to me?”

Gbade came back. “Oh yes my love, please invite her over. We could do with some additional company quite alright.”

“Yeah!”. She sounded like a teenager. She kissed him again and got up. “I’ll call her tomorrow evening. She complained of a fever when I called her last week. I hope she is better”, Amelia said as she flipped her hair backwards.  She went into the kitchen looking so excited, while Gbade sat and wondered why his life was suddenly going downhill.

Suddenly, he realized he should never have looked Simi’s way at all. He should have just been content with Amelia.

He should have. Now he was in deep trouble.


Amelia walked into the kitchen. She knew something was amiss. Gbade wasn’t as excited as he would be on a normal day, and he had been in his thoughts lately, forgetting to put off the television, falling asleep in the parlor, not wanting to touch her. At first she waved it off because he was an old man who needed rest, but now, she wasn’t sure her conclusions were right. He definitely had a lot on his mind. She remembered her conversation with her best friend, Seida.

“I saw him with one young girl like that last week”, she had said.

And she didn’t believe Seida. He could have been with a young girl, but he knew his intentions would be noble. He enjoyed the company of young people, Simi could testify to his benevolence and kind gestures. That’s why she loved Simi. Simi knew how to carry her husband along. And somehow they had become family.

‘Is he seeing someone else?’. She asked herself. She couldn’t think of the possibility. Maybe Simi will know. I mean, he’s her dad, literally. She thought as she picked the phone to call Simi.

The number you have called is currently switched off was the response she got.


“I don’t like this”, Madame Ben said as she paced round the church office. Jadesola’s head was on the table, she had been crying since she got into the office.

“If it were someone I didn’t know, it would have been better.  But my own blood…he’s sleeping with my own sister. What is this world turning into aunty?” She asked amidst Sobs.

“Hush my love” Madame Ben replied as she came and held Jade. “The human race is fallen, we can’t afford to expect too much from anyone… “

“She’s my sister…how could she?”

“You need to relax, Jade. We do not know what really happened. And you say you don’t want to ask any of them?”

‘No, ma”, Jade replied. “It will look like I have been snooping around. Besides I want to get a clearer picture of things.”, she concluded as she cleaned her face.

“Okay dear.”, Madame replied as she saw Jade to the door. “The Lord will fight your battle child just hold your peace..”

“There’s nothing else I can do mum. All the fight in me is gone. With an unfaithful husband and a reckless sister, and a perverse generation filled with men who no longer set the right atandards, I’ll resolve to prayers ma”

“There are still a few good men, Jade”

“I’m afraid my husband isn’t one of them. Goodbye ma”.

With that, she walked out of the church office, while Madame Ben stared at her, with no idea of what to do. In the end, she closed the door, went on her knees and began to pray.

Jade began to think again as she started the car. She tried playing some of her favorites- Christy Nockeles, Kristen Di Marco and Audrey Assad, but the songs made her cry harder. She stopped the music player and headed for home. Her phone rang and she prayed it wouldn’t be her sister or her husband or even Chief Gbade.

Caller ID: Amelia .

Chief Gbade’s wife? Why is she calling? Jade wondered as she parked the car and pressed the green button.

” Amelia..”

“Aunty Jade good afternoon”

“How are you my dear?” Jade asked, trying to sound happy.

“Not too good, ma” she replied like she had been crying.

“Oh…”, Jade replied as she placed her hand on her temple. ” what’s it? Is everything okay at home dear?”

She could hear Amelia sobbing, and she wondered why the pretty lady would sob over the phone. Her face looked like that of someone who had never shed a tear.

“It. It.. Chief. “, she stammered amidst tears. “He’s cheating on me”, she said and the Sobs intensified.

Jade rested her head on the seat.

‘Lord, have mercy’ was all that came to her mind and heart.


Written by; Oyinkansola Ige

Other stories by Oyinkansola

Shadows (Episodes 1-10)
Finding Me (Episode 1-9)

 Remember to leave a comment and subscribe so you can receive subsequent posts notification in your mail ?

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.



A past so deep haunts Jadesola. Sim runs in the shadows of who she thinks she is. The two sisters run the same path, yet never meet at any point- until the cross. Muddled Affairs shows that it is at the cross that every failure, every pain, every shame is taken away and replaced with a newness of heart. Some days, it is the ones we love that hurt us. What we do is to take it to the cross and leave it there.

Simi put the key in the knob and turned it.

“Yes!”, she whispered under her breath, like a child sneaking into the house with joy of the gone parents.

She entered the house and locked the door immediately.

“What a day”, she said to herself as she went into her room. She sat down on her lilac-blanketed bed and looked around the room, like she was expecting something to change. Nothing had. She hissed.

She was about to remove her clothes and head into the shower when she heard her phone ring.

Caller ID: Uncle Paul.

‘What does this stupid man want again?’, she thought to herself as she decided to pick.

“Can’t you get off my back, Paul?”, she asked in a defensive tone.

“I’ve always known you were too smart for your own good”

“It’s smart girls like me that change the world and make pedophiles like you hit kirikiri”, she replied sarcastically.

“Trust me; what is up my sleeves for you is worse than any experience you’ll ever go through in Kirikiri…”

“You don’t scare me”, she replied rather gruntly. “I will report you to Jadesola. Your marriage to her will end once she finds out, you this ashewo. I will ruin you. You think you can come in and blackmail me…”

“I know you’re pregnant, Simi”, he cut in, softly.

Simi was dazed. ‘I’ll kill Mariam’, she whispered to herself. “Of what concern of yours is that?”

“I have a strange feeling the baby is mine…”

“You are shameless, Paul, very shameless. We had sex once and this is what you decide to come up with. Thank your stars I don’t swear, if not…”

“You had bettered not abort that baby, we both know your medical condition”

“I regret ever opening up to you in one night of passion, just one night. If you call me again…”

“I told your sister about Chief Gbade”.

Simi’s face turned white. “Y..you did what?”

“If I were you, I’d just play game. Stop being such a feminist. It fits you not.”

Simi was silent. This time, all her options were out. Kolapo hadn’t called her since the transfer. Mariam had told her sternly to get a paternity test, how possible was that without drama filling the air? Now Paul was blackmailing her? And her sister… ‘Oh…Jadesola…”, she thought.

“When you’re ready to be a good girl, call me so we can talk this over..”

“Paul I…”

Click! He hung  up.

Simi sat down and began to cry again.


Jade had locked the door and taken her key with her to the room, so as to have some alone time, and so that Simi wouldn’t know she was around. She heard Simi walk in and she was almost tempted to confront her about Chief Gbade. But it would be her loss. Simi would probably walk out of the house again and make their mother call her names.  She didn’t want that, so she allowed Simi.

Lord, what do I do? How could she…

‘Love easily forgives’

Lord she didn’t offend me, I am just angry with myself. I am supposed to be her big sister. She’s all over the place and I can’t even control her? I have enough issues. I don’t have a child of my own. My husband smells like someone who is seeing another woman.  My in-laws don’t like me.

‘Today’s troubles are enough. Peace’

That was all she heard. That was all she could sense in her heart. And she wanted to cry. Because she knew Paul could do anything, almost anything… including marry a new wife, or get another girl pregnant.

She began to hear Simi’s voice, like she was screaming. She knew Simi had no idea she was around, hence her loud voice. She decided to tiptoe and listen. Curiosity got the better part of her as she went to the front of Simi’s room…

“You don’t scare me” I will report you to Jadesola. Your marriage to her will end once she finds out…You this ashewo. I will ruin you. You think you can come in and blackmail me…”

And the whole place went silent. Was it her “Jadesola” or someone else? She became more curious. Black mail? What shady deal had Simi gotten herself into now? Then Simi’s voice came up again.

“You are shameless, Paul, very shameless. We had sex once and this is what you decide to come up with. Thank your stars I don’t swear, if not…”

Jadesola was dazed. Sex? Paul? Maybe it was another Paul, not her husband. I mean, she always called her husband “Uncle Paul”. She got confused…like she knew the truth and she had to face it but she didn’t want to.

Jadesola… Your marriage to her… blackmail… Shameless… Paul…Sex…

And there and then she knew, her husband had an idea of what was going on with Simi.

She walked briskly to her room as Simi’s voice faded and she fell on the floor and began to sob.

Her sister and her husband were having an affair. No wonder she felt uneasy the day he told her she and Chief Gbade were having an affair.

‘Lord, this is too much…I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone’

You are not alone.

She lay down on the bed, hugged one of the pillows and began to sob all over again.


Written by; Oyinkansola Ige

Other stories by Oyinkansola

Shadows (Episodes 1-10)
Finding Me (Episode 1-9)

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MUDDLED AFFAIR_oyinkansola ige lifegiva“How could you?” Mariam asked, as she paced round her room with tears in her eyes.
“I didn’t have a choice; he was going to expose me…”
“Oh, shut up”, Mariam replied with a look of disgust on her face. “You didn’t have to warm his bed to keep your little secret. Now you’re having his baby…”
“It’s not for certain yet joor”, Simi replied, as she bit her lip and look at Mariam, like she was trying to imply something. Mariam sat down and looked straight at her.
“What is that supposed to mean?”,
“It could be Chief’s baby”
“Chief Gbade?” Mariam asked,  looking tongue struck. “You… you had him too?”
“Mariam, I needed the money….”
Mariam stood up with tears in her eyes. “I thought we agreed no more men?” she asked, looking confused. “You could have asked me for the money. You didn’t have to sleep with him jare! Or you could have asked your sister…
“So she’ll start preaching to me about being prudent and being a proverbs 31 woman? She judges me, I don’t need that…
“Why didn’t you ask me?” Mariam asked
“Because I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”
“This is hopeless. Simi! Haba! We’ve been friends since Model College. I know you too well. Tell me the truth.
“The money was…was for Kolapo’s trip”
“WHAT!” Mariam said as she shook in anger. “Are we still on Kolapo’s matter, ehn Simi?”, Mariam asked looking sad again. “He’s using you…”
“He loves me, Mariam, he really does…”
“And you think Kolapo is going to stay when he finds out that you warm men’s beds for a hobby?” Mariam could see Simi was getting angry, but she didn’t care. “I don’t care if you will raise the roof and cut of my head too, but I have to tell you the truth. Kolapo is deceiving you…”
“He might be the father of my baby, you know?”, Simi replied,
“What in the world happened to condoms, Simi?”, Mariam asked.
“I didn’t want condoms. I just wanted one of them to marry me…”
Mariam sat on the floor, looking distraught, “you’re crazy”
“I know…”


Jade opened her eyes and looked at the time.
8:00am. And she didn’t remember opening the door to welcome Simi. Paul wasn’t back either.
This is madness, she thought to herself. Why is Simi causing me so much pain? Why can’t she be normal? Why?
Suddenly, she felt the urge to pray. She began to pray about different things and she felt urged to pray for Simi’s heart.
“Lord, guard her heart, she could be careless with it”, Jade whispered silently with tears in her eyes.
She knew her sister did not like her. She knew Simi hated the fact that she was a Christian and she couldn’t stand all the bad habits. But then, how best could she explain to her sister, the dangers of living a life outside God?
She heard the sound of the door and knew Paul was back. She ran to open the door.
“Welcome dear”, Jade said.
He did not reply, she collected his briefcase anyway and watched him silently as he walked into the sitting room with slugged shoulders.
“Is …is everything okay?” Jade asked.
He sat on the sofa and removed his shoes without saying anything. Jadesola was stunned. Since when did this nonsense start? Is it because I don’t have a baby? She began to worry all over again.
Love is patient…love is kind….
No! I am not going to take nonsense from this man. He thinks he can just ride me anyhow…
Love is patient…love is kind….
After waiting in the kitchen, Jade came out and saw her husband. His hands were on his head, and he still didn’t look up. She sat beside him and put her arms around him.
“Boo, what’s wrong?”
He looked up and his eyes were red. He was angry about something. She knew it.
“Talk to me, bab…”
“It’s your sister…”
May thoughts began to run through her mind. Did he find her? Was she dead? Did she have an accident?
“What’s wrong with her?”, Jade asked.
He looked at her with all the concern in the world. “She is having an affair with Chief Gbade.”
Chief Gbade. Her late father’s best friend? She began to shake as she remembered those times that he would ask her to allow him take Simi to school, and how foolish she had been to let him. She sat down on the sofa next to Paul and began to cry slowly.
“That old fool…”
“Hush Hush”, Paul replied as he hugged her tightly. “We are going to be alright”.
“How did you know about it?”, Jade asked as she wiped the tears from her face.
“Oh…”, he replied standing up and looking around the house like he lost something. “I saw both of them come out of a hotel together..”
“Waoh,” she replied as she looked up. “Lord, help me..”
“Amen”, he replied as he walked into the room.
Jade relaxed and thought aloud. ‘Something doesn’t feel right…’


Written by; Oyinkansola Ige

Other stories by Oyinkansola

Shadows (Episodes 1-10)
Finding Me (Episode 1-9)

 Remember to leave a comment and subscribe so you can receive subsequent posts notification in your mail ?

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.



MUDDLED AFFAIR_oyinkansola ige lifegivaJadesola came into the sitting room and looked at the wall clock on the cream wall, above the fridge.
And Simi wasn’t back.
She dialed Simi’s number again. And for the umpteenth time, Simi did not pick her phone!
Paul would be at the hospital on his night duty.
Jadesola didn’t have any children, so there was literally no one to complain to.
Simi was getting fond of keeping late nights and Jadesola did not like it. They grew up together, she being ten years older. Their mother always warned them against keeping late nights, indiscriminate sexual affairs and the likes. Jade tried; at least she was a “technical virgin” till she got married- unlike her sister who believed in “live each day as it comes with nothing stopping you”. Apparently, Simi seemed to enjoy her youthful days than Jadesola.
And somehow, Jadesola was mad at her for that.
Jadesola sat down and began to wonder why her life seemed so boring. It never seemed like she could get anything right. She remembered their childhood.
How Simi got all the hot guys.
How Simi was the prettiest girl in her set.
 How Simi..
“Lord, you have to help me here. She’s just 23, what could she possibly know?”, Jadesola whispered as she sat on the brown leather chair opposite the television stand. She began to imagine the possible places Simi could be. A clubhouse? A boyfriend’s crib? Where? As she wondered and wondered, her phone rang.
“Hey babe, how far?” he asked in his boyish and cute voice.
“She’s not back”, Jadesola replied, as she placed her left hand on her temple.
There was a temporary pause, a silence between both of them.
“If I talk, you’ll say I’m being mean, but this is getting too much”, he said, sounding irritated.
“Hmm”, Jadesola sighed. “I am thinking of telling her to go and live with mum at Ibadan”
“Don’t you think that will be a little extreme?” he asked, sounding pensive all of a sudden.
Jadesola stood up and walked round the sitting room, looking agitated and really sad. “I don’t know honey, I don’t….I’m just…”
She began to cry even if  she knew her husband wouldn’t be pleased with that.
“Baby, please don’t cry okay?”, he said rather oddly. “I’ll come home soon okay? I have to go now…”
She hissed as she threw her phone on the cushion and went back into the room, thinking of what to do about her sister. If she knew any of her friends, maybe it would have been easier…
It turned out she was completely clueless about Simi’s life.


“What are you going to do?” Mariam asked, as she stared at Simi, who looked disheveled.
“If I knew I wouldn’t be here babe”, Simi replied, as she gave Mariam a stern look. “How do I explain to Jade that I am pregnant?”
“You’ll still have to tell her oh! Because it was sweeting you when you were doing it with him…”
Abeg, abeg, doesn’t remind me about it jare. Blame men and their sweet mouth…”, Simi cut in, as she sat down and sipped a glass of red wine. Mariam looked at her and began to laugh.
“You shouldn’t be taking red wine oh, for the sake of your unborn child, eh?”
“Mariam, I will slap you now!”
“Abegi”, Mariam replied, waving her hand, and consecutively looking at Simi’s phone ring again.
Big sis was the Caller ID again!!!
“You’ve refused to pick her calls. This is not fair oh!”
“I need to have a game plan before going back to that house. She’s too intuitive. She will notice in no time…”
Simi, na who get the pikin na?” Mariam asked in a concerned tone. “Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“It’s not necessary babe, please let’s forget about the bastard owner”, Simi replied, looking downcast all of a sudden. Mariam went and sat beside her and put her arms around Simi’s shoulder.
“Do you want us to get rid of the baby?” Mariam asked, looking at Simi, curiously.
“I don’t know”, Simi replied. “Remember what Doctor Chucks said during service last year?” Simi asked as tears began to well down her eyes.
There was a distinct silence between them, each lost in their own thoughts. Simi had every reason to be worried. After four abortions, she knew her womb didn’t stand a chance. Even if it did, she didn’t want to take the risk of taking this baby out. What if the baby was her only ticket to motherhood? Her sister couldn’t bear children, and their Mum was in Ibadan, growing old and crying for her grand children, and she….she didn’t want to commit to any man…at least not yet.
‘God will punish you, useless man. God will punish you!’ she thought in her mind.
‘Why won’t she tell me who the father is?’, Mariam thought. ‘What’s there? Is she hiding something?’, Mariam wondered as she looked at her best friend with so much pity. Mariam was scared for Simi. The girl had always been a player and a hard nut to crack, but this time, she looked smitten. She looked powerless. Hopefully, an end would come to her frivolities.
And Simi’s phone rang again. She picked it with so much disgust and was about to press the red button when she saw who was calling.
Caller ID: Uncle Paul.
And Simi froze in shock.
“What’s going on?”, Mariam asked. “Pick your in-law’s call na.”
Simi dropped the phone and began to sob profusely.
“I…I can’t”, she replied as she lay on the bed and continued to cry.


Written by; Oyinkansola Ige

Other stories by Oyinkansola

Shadows (Episodes 1-10)
Finding Me (Episode 1-9)

 Remember to leave a comment and subscribe so you can receive subsequent posts notification in your mail ?

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.


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