My conclusion; the books are wrong, they’ve done more harm than good. I’m un-learning all those trash.
My Advice: Don’t base your life’s ideology, principles or expectation on someone else’s experience or from a book authored by someone who never plied the same life’s route like you did.
No two relationships are the same, different markets have different characteristics, our experience with God are unique, people differ with place and environment, experiences are time dependent and so on
Be open, learn along the way, don’t be afraid to make mistakes, those are the natural teachers life was created with.