Pseudo-Love, a Baby and a Broken Heart – Damaged 9

I am the only girl in my family. I grew up with four brothers, a mother who cared only when she felt it wise to,  and a father who had no time for his children. My family started through an “i don get belle” situation. I felt unloved and neglected so many times and it led me to look for love elsewhere.

I started dating at the tender age of 10. My first relationship was a double one: one boyfriend at home and one in school and they both dumped me at the same time.

By the time I entered my next relationship, I was 14.  I enjoyed this relationship for the first three months because there was no sexual immorality then until it started, with pornography, masturbation, oral sex and the likes. We even went to a hotel and his friend’ s house on two separate occasions to try to dis-virgin me but all our efforts were to no avail. And then, the very very painful break up came. It led to tears upon tears, staying indoors for fear of meeting he and his new girlfriend and so many other devices just to escape the shame.

I was single for two straight years and those were the best years of my life hands-down. I would be prompt in church, be in the service unit meeting, go for evangelism, read my bible so much that it scared me, use my devotionals every day, and so much more godly activities. It was also in this period of my life God helped overcome a financial constraint in my life.

Then, I  met a guy. He was ten years older than me, and after a while, we started dating. It was fun at first. I was in school, he worked. He was generous with his money, time, and all he had, a devoted son of God. When I got back home,  I tricked my family into letting him pick me up from the bus park at 12 pm and that was how my troubles began. He kept gushing about how beautiful I looked. At one point, he slowed down the car to kiss me and never let go of my hand all through the ride. I decided to go to his place and there, I exposed myself bare to him but that’s not where the sex began.

After months of up and downs in my relationship, we finally had sex eleven days after my birthday.

At this point, I started sitting at the back of the church and I couldn’t even participate in anything talk less of reading the Bible. I would use the church to lie when I  was asked about my whereabouts in the night. My relatives would tell me point-blank that with the way I was going, our relationship (I and my boyfriend) wouldn’t last and even though I knew that,  I felt that my beauty, wit and intelligence would make it work.

After having sex for the sixth time, the inevitable happened. I got pregnant. I told him and the next day, we aborted the baby.

I am now scared for my life. There is no day I don’t cry or not think about it. All I wanted after redemption was to never be in a situation where I would be regarded as someones ex-girlfriend because I feel an ex is an example of someone you will never let back in your life.

I’m really sorry for what I did. Funny enough, all these happened in the space of one year. I have learnt my lesson, most definitely. Will I  ever be able to meet someone and let them love me as a whole? I am not sure but what I am sure of is that God still loves me- if not I wouldn’t be breathing and I would have to  live every moment of my life trying to correct my past mistakes.

I hope this blesses someone.

Like every other post on DAMAGED SERIES; this is a true story recounted by a lady who would like to remain anonymous.

I along side, Ifeyinwa Amagwuala, Remi Olaniyi and Oyinkansola Ige have added these few lessons, as the purpose of the Damaged series isn’t just the story, but drawing lessons from other peoples experience and past so you don’t make the same thing.


  1. The negative effects of a dysfunctional home cannot be overemphasized. We need to seek after God’s purpose for family and Marriage so that we raise a new generation of children with purpose and understanding as God intended.
  2. No matter what has happened to you, don’t allow it to impede your decision-making process. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers, yet he was kind hearted, meek and sincere. Jesus Christ was spat on, cursed and rejected by the very people he died for, yet he did not sin. It is your life. Make the godliest of decisions.
  3. We need to learn self love. Yes. A lot of times, a lot of people (parents and family members) that are supposed to love us by default might fail. But sincerely this is not enough reason to fall on someone else to show you love. This is too much power to give to a human being. Getting into relationships should be for certain goals and for one to be loved is not one of them.
  4. We all have sexual baggage. Inward (the lusts in our hearts) or outward (in the acts). No one is exempted. It is all a result of our broken humanity. True healing and wholeness can only be received in Jesus. Mark 3:5
  5. Sexual impuruty of any sort (oral sex, touching, in whatever form) is a sin against God. No one can change that or tear it off from the Bible. ( Ephesians 5:3)
  6. Flee from ALL appearances of evil. In other words, do not put yourself in a position to be tempted.
  7. Keep the right company. Date the kind of people who share your values as a Christian. You don’t have to date everyone who asks you out. You are not just dating a person, you are dating his/her values. Choose wisely ( 2 Timothy 2:22)
  8. God has given you the spirit of self-control. He has given you all you need for life and godliness. If you have been given something to use, then use it. Don’t leave it dormant ( 2 Timothy 1:7)
  9. If you are looking for love, there’s only one place you can find it- with the author of love, God. This statement may seem cliche, but it is the truth. And truth is truth.
  10. Being in a relationship isn’t another life must, like getting rest or eating. Relationship exists as a prelude to marriage; a time to whether your desire to spend the rest of your life with someone will work out, NEVER BE DESPERATE FOR A RELATIONSHIP. There is time for everything.
  11. Someone might seem perfect for a partner, but don’t be too carried away by mere facades or your feelings that you don’t see warning signs to back off a dysfunctional relationship. BEING SOMEONE’S EX ISN’T THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN, if the person is not right for you.

Thank you for reading the ninth episode of DAMAGED, hope it helps someone. I’m really looking forward to seeing your comments.

kindly share on your Facebook, Twitter…let someone who needs it see it.




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We all have a story, most of which we are not proud of, but all from which we must have learned a thing or two. Share your story here. To share your own story, send me a mail here; I will be waiting to hear from you.

About author


Tolulope Oludapo is a young Christian who lends his voice through the media by sharing practical wisdom for everyday living in the most experiential and simplified fashion. This has fetched him the direct followership of over 30,000 users on his blog, A blog he founded. He loves to write on varying subjects that affect life, faith, relationship...everyday living.
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