Red flags could be very controversial since its different for each person. What I consider a red flag might not be what another person considers a red flag and also what is a red flag to a Christian might mean nothing or seem normal to an unbeliever. Permit me to use the word unbeliever because like Laju Iren said in her book on dating intelligently, there’s nothing like a serious Christian, you’re either a Christian or an unbeliever!
So let’s get right into it.
What are red flags?
In Romantic relationships, Red flags are noticeable traits in a person that shouldn’t be ignored or taken lightly. They are like emergency alarms we see or hear. For example, when you are in a restaurant, a hotel, or anywhere and the emergency alarm blaring, your first instinct is to run out of the place yeah? Exactly! that’s also how red flags should be addressed when noticed in a relationship.Red flags are noticeable traits in a person that shouldn't be ignored or taken lightly. Click To Tweet
As Christians, we should date with marriage in view. There is no point of dating someone if you don’t see yourself marrying the person! Although you may not marry the first person you date but dating (serious relationship with the opposite sex) for us should be with the intention to marry the person. With that said;Although you may not marry the first person you date but dating (serious relationship with the opposite sex) for us should be with the intention to marry the person. Click To Tweet
What are the certain red flags in a person that shouldn’t be ignored?
1. He or she is not a Christian.
This is not compromisable. He is not a Christian, she is not a Christian, please don’t even consider dating the person at all. This one doesn’t even require you to pray to God for consent! The bible is clear about our association with unbelievers see 2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?He is not a Christian, she is not a Christian, please don't even consider dating the person at all. This one doesn't even require you to pray to God for consent! The bible is clear about our association with unbelievers Click To Tweet
Believing in Jesus and maintaining a life of devotion should be non-negotiable when you are considering being in a serious relationship with someone. Marriage is God’s idea it showcases HIs relationship with us (His Body) you, therefore, can not take it lightly as well.Believing in Jesus and maintaining a life of devotion should be non-negotiable when you are considering being in a serious relationship with someone. Marriage is God's idea it showcases HIs relationship with us (His Body) you,… Click To Tweet
2. He or she has anger issues
See I don’t care if “he’s different when he’s around me” or if “she’s different when she’s around me”, no matter what, no matter how well behaved he or she acts around you, the person’s true self will eventually come out one day. If he’s rude to the waiter or if she’s rude to the cashier and you think it won’t be your turn one day, then you have been utterly and completely deceived.
Everyone gets angry but the bible warns in Ephesians 4:26 KJV Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: You can’t trust someone who can not manage their emotions with your life. When you notice a person is always irrational when they are upset regardless if it is with you or others never ignore it, have a conversation, let him/her get help if they want to get better but you as a partner have no control over the person’s behavior or response so don’t manage it.When you notice a person is always irrational when they are upset regardless if it is with you or others never ignore it. Click To Tweet
3. He or she is proud or arrogant
Sometimes we notice how people talk to or about other people and in every sentence, you can smell arrogance and pride. Other times you notice this person is just rude to everyone, he/she is rude to the gateman, waiter, uber driver and when you point it out they get upset and defensive. Please don’t ignore it for your own sake. When the lights are out and the butterflies stop flying in your stomachs they would respond to you with the same arrogance they do with everyone else
4. He or she is not emotionally intelligent
Emotional intelligence is very very important in relationships. If you’re unstable or unavailable emotionally, please don’t use another person’s child as a pacifier. Heal before going into a relationship! Don’t come and toxify a relationship that God has ordained. Ladies, guys, if he or she blackmails you emotionally, that is a red flag and it’s a sign of emotional immaturity!
Hurting people hurt other people! be open with yourself and others about where you are per time and be intentional about taking steps to heal for yourself first.Hurting people hurt other people! be open with yourself and others about where you are per time and be intentional about taking steps to heal for yourself first. Click To Tweet
If you know you’re not emotionally stable or emotionally unaviallable for whatever reason seek and get all the help you need. Thank God for the Holy Spirit we are never by ourselves.
5. You both have different doctrinal opinions
The bible should be our standard and final authority for living our lives on earth although we see that in some cases people interpret the bible to suit them or their actions per time. The Bible is a book, filled with doctrine, that defines what is good, right, and true. 2 Timothy 3:16 KJV All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.
What do you both know and believe about the implications of the fall of Adam and Eve, the righteous life of Jesus, the cross, His death, the empty tomb, etc. these things make up the fundamentals of our faith in Christ.
Doctrine explains things to us so we can admit our need, reach out for God’s help, and move forward in a new and better way. So it is important that you choose someone you have the same fundamental beliefs and doctrine with this would save you a lot of disagreement in the future since your lives would intersect in every area.Doctrine explains things to us so we can admit our need, reach out for God’s help, and move forward in a new and better way. So it is important that you choose someone you have the same fundamental beliefs and doctrine with you. Click To Tweet
We definitely cannot exhaust all the warning signs to look out for in this article but here are a few things to note.
Don’t go into a relationship with the intention of”changing him or her”. Please you’re not the Holy Spirit. You can help the person be a better version of him or herself outside a relationship!!!!! You can not change anyone not even if they promise to change when you commit to them. Never date anyone because you ‘Hope’ they would change with time.Never date anyone because you 'Hope' they would change with time. Click To Tweet
Also, don’t only be looking out for red flags in people. Remember your spec also has his or her own spec. Be who and what you’re looking for in a person. Work on yourself.
Heal and Grow where you need to. And PRAY for God alone knows the heart of men!!!!!!!!!
We would love to read your red flags in the comment session.
Written by Sotonwa Success
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