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Searching For A Relationship? Do Not Do These 5 Things!

It’s so easy to get overwhelmed with the long and unending lists of our well-meaning family and friends about the things we need to do to be in a godly relationship. If we are not careful, we may forget that boundaries still need to be set.

In the light of this, here are the top 5 things that you should never, ever do when you’re searching for a solid and godly relationship:

1. Don’t go looking if you’re not ready:
You’re thinking, why wouldn’t I be ready? I wouldn’t be searching if I weren’t ready right? Actually, no. Sometimes, we don’t consider if we are actually ready to be emotionally available and responsible for someone else before looking for a relationship.

We don’t consider if we’re truly ready to share our energy, time, resources, and money or ready to make sacrifices for them when we really don’t feel like it.

Before searching for a relationship, ask yourself if you’re ready because if you aren’t, you shouldn’t be searching. Don’t take any chances if you’re not fully ready.


2. Don’t start a relationship without knowing yourself:

Now, this is a tricky one because it’s very cliche but it’s not even just about knowing yourself in terms of preferences. The truth is that the knowledge of yourself is incomplete if you don’t discover it in Christ. You have to discover your identity in Jesus, learn how to love Him so that you will see yourself in every physical way possible (flaws and all) and still love yourself as Christ does.

In addition to this…

How do you determine if you’re really ready for something without your strengths, weaknesses, likes, what you can tolerate, and what you can’t. How can you really determine who will or who won’t fit you if you don’t know your person? Discover your identity, before you begin to look for a fit. How will you learn how to love if you don’t learn how to love yourself first?

3. Don’t search for one outside of God: If there’s one thing I always say and try to live by, it’s that you should never build anything outside of God. Not a job, not a house, not a friendship, and definitely not a relationship. Don’t take God’s relationship advice for granted because His is the best there is.

The truth is that the knowledge of yourself is incomplete if you don’t discover it in Christ. You have to discover your identity in Jesus. Click To Tweet

He’s the giver of good gifts and the basis of relationships Himself: Love. So whatever it is you want to do, however, it is you want it, and whoever it is you want it with, regardless of your emotions or what you think is right, tell Him all about it. He can see the end before the beginning.

4. Don’t start one without a purpose: Have you ever met someone who started a foundation without knowledge of the kind of house or building he really wants to build? Whenever people do that, it doesn’t end well. Whatever you’re about to do, discover the purpose so that you can count the cost.

This purpose really lies in why you want it in the first place. Where exactly do you want this relationship to go and why do you want it to go there? Are you looking to pass time and just carry out recreational activities? Because that’s not what relationships are for. Are you looking to really be a part of someone’s life so you can impart value in it? Or are you just looking for someone to love you with all your baggage without giving anything back?

Don't search for a relationship outside of God. Regardless of your emotions or what you think is right, tell Him all about it. He can see the end before the beginning. Click To Tweet

Consider your motives and ensure they’re the right kind. Not the selfish kind, not the opportunistic kind, not the narcissistic kind but the love kind.


5. Don’t search without knowing who you’re looking for: With all you’ve read so far, I may not need to say too much here. But, numbers 1 to 4 will lead you to this final choice. You can’t figure this out before learning to know and love Christ and your identity in Him, and then why you want it in the first place. What this final number really means is that you have to be sure you set realistic expectations.

When you meet someone, don’t assume they know what you want or that you’re both in a talking phase. Communicate your expectations early, so no one gets hurt. Click To Tweet

Don’t set vague goals or expectations. Be precise and realistic with what you want. Focus on setting the values (and not vanity) of the kind of person you’d like to be with. Don’t set unrealistic standards or fickle traits. Make sure you aren’t asking for what you’re not. Don’t just look for the right person, be the right person too.

Where exactly do you want a relationship to go and why do you want it to go there? Are you looking to pass time and just carry out recreational activities? Because that’s not what relationships are for. Click To Tweet

Finally…

When you meet someone, don’t assume they know what you want or that you’re both in a talking phase. Communicate your expectations early, so no one gets hurt. If you do these 5 things, you’ll know to search at the right time as well as who and how to search.

Would you like to add to this list? Please comment below.

Did you enjoy this article? You can also read: 6 Ways You’re Setting Up Your Relationship For Failure or How (Not) to Meet the Love of Your Life

Written by: Eniola Makinde

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