Strangers To Ourselves: Memoirs of a Broken Heart

Image by © Christophe Papke/Westend61/Corbis

I remember. The way my heart would skip a beat at the sight of you from afar. Gazing at this amazement that God had created. I knew you could never be mine, but yet I lingered on in the arena of hope and I was content with just getting a hello from you.

Then we began talking, and I found out the truth about you; you were all I wanted in a woman, a fine blend of brains and beauty. Oh I remember. How I would play with your hair in class without you taking notice. You were my obsession, my addiction, my infatuation .Then I began to check and it occurred to me that I had genuine feelings for you. But I found out, that you had already dumped me in the lonely island of the friend zone, in which no revelations can be gotten for salvation.

Then I decided to take it to the next level. I became my own cupid and I began to throw my little arrows here and there. At first it was difficult, because you had clearly stated, hey brother, I can never be yours. But after a while, you came around and I can never forget the first day you uttered the words-IM IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO. Gbam. That was all I needed. I was ready to be your man. I was ready to make you my sun and have my planets spin around you.

So here we are, with the whole world facing us, and yet you are ashamed to tell people about us. You would show everyone affection but me and all I’ll get is just a basic “hi”, when I’m not using visual basic to do programming. But through it all, I tolerated your selfishness, your immaturity and your stubbornness and I still loved you nonetheless. I was ready to watch you rise, see you fall, and have the awesome privilege of growing with you.

Things were going on fine and everything was really well but you called me to give me the news one day, “hey mister, I’m not ready to be called anybody’s girlfriend.” And with that you ended the relationship. That’s the lamest excuse I have heard since we proved Darwin’s theory of evolution to be false.

So here we go our separate ways, but I’m still in shock. Shocked not necessarily because you left, but shocked because at the end of the day, I never really knew you and all I did was barricade myself behind a preconceived notion that I had a girlfriend when all I had was just a lady who was unsure of herself. I can’t do this to myself emotionally again.

So you threw away all the secrets we shared, all the plans we had of the future, all the MTN night calls, BBM messages and Skype videos. I now found out you never really knew what you wanted, I could easily catch a grenade for you, but you wanted someone who would take advantage of you and control you. I’m sorry I’m not that kind of guy. I am a lover. It is my weakness, I love too much. It is my fault that I checked up on you frequently. It is because I committed the offence of caring, therefore I should face SDC for the crime of love.

Now I see you, and I wonder, how could I have given my heart to a market without stalls, for indeed you are very heartless. All you have is an organ pumping blood but you lack the understanding of its true value. We see ourselves from time to time and we just say hello and walk on. In my mind Im like, was this she who sent adrenaline to my brain, who made me sly even my own guys.

Now we can’t even have a flowing discussion, because as we can clearly see, we are not on the same level. So here is me walking away. Here is me saying goodbye to a misconception I had-YOU. AT the end of the day, the weekend was very wrong, because you are not worth it, you do not deserve it and you did not earn it. I am leaving, I am moving on. There are many fishes in the water. I have already cast my hook to catch another because at the end day, I’m still the fisherman.

But I have to ask, where is God in my storm? Is the lord not even aware that his son is going through this traumatic BAELESS phase of his young adult life. So you mean I can’t even find just one sister to call mine? I mean how can I claim to be a leader in the house of the Lord when I can’t even convince 1 person to be mine.

But I still have the confidence in his word that says, though weeping may endure for the night, Joy will definitely come in the morning.

Brethren, I don’t deny that we have all been hurt one way or the other. Is it by a bullyish boyfriend who has no idea of our real value and has many alternative ladies, or the indecisive girlfriend who wants you to be a finished product when she herself is still a raw material. In all this, I’ve learnt one thing- forget those things which are behind and move on.

Finally, I understand the apostle Pauls phronesis (grk-mindset). So people, this is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptation-MOVE ON

Yours-in-christ,

It will be good to read a comment from you. Thanks *winks*

Samuel Abua

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