How do you tell someone the person they want to date is wrong for them?

Two couples talking and eating --- Image by © Andreas Stamm/fstop/Corbis

Two couples talking and eating — Image by © Andreas Stamm/fstop/Corbis

So, this person is about to ask a girl out, or say yes to a guy you know VERY WELL and you’re sure that the person they wanna date isn’t right for them or just want to take them for a ride with no intention for a serious commitment.
How do you tell this person that the supposed Mr Right or Miss Perfect is wrong for them?
I understand that this topic/question is very sensitive for one major reason;

1. What if the bad party has changed?

Your decision to keep your family and friends from entering a relationship that might pose a danger to then, or merely waste their time is definitely an act of love and shows that you care for such an individual, and since it isn’t a decision born out of hatred or jealousy, it will mean that you have a sound and proven information about individual, maybe from past relationship or lifestyle.
But what if the person has changed? What if the person has made a commitment for a new way and build a good relationship with your friend/party?
If you stand in the way of such relationship, you will be making an innocent mistake, thus telling someone to not date someone becomes very sensitive, that requires extra caution.
I don’t deny that there are cases where one of the party is all out to prey-on the other, or waste the person’s time or just date to add him/her to her list of “I’ve dated”. A good instance of this is dates that result from a bet among friends.
As much not telling seems to be the easier thing to do, that way you don’t risk your friendship with the person, I still feel telling is the better thing to do, of course with great caution.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. – Prov 15:22
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety. – Prov 11:14

Wisdom is released where there is abundance of counsel, so in this situation where you are pretty convinced on whatever basis that someone might not be good for the other, speak up.
By speak up, I don’t mean make it a rule for them, telling them they can’t or shouldn’t date someone, but counsel them based on the information you have encouraging them to exercise more patience and carry out their own proper research.
It is very common that people’s logical reasoning and common sense is clouded by a state of emotional-high or desperation to be in a relationship, they just don’t seem to see reasons, and a lot of these people have fallen victim to mere players or even some friends drunken bet.

Giving someone your heart or letting someone into your heart and life is a pretty big deal and you can’t have any uncertainties no matter how small.

I know you can’t entirely eliminate every forms of uncertainties, but make sure the reason you’ll have such uncertainty isn’t because you ignored it.
Ask every question that is to ask, do every research you need to.
So back to whether to tell or not, when this counsel is given with a pure intention, and as an advice to make the person conscious of the decision s/he want to make, and leaving the person to make their decision, the person (if in his/her right sense) will appreciate you for it and it won’t be the case of bad belle or enemy of progress.
So, do you agree?

1. Should you speak up?
2. Is there a right way or a wrong way of letting them know that the step they wanna take is wrong?

We aired this discussion on our BBM channel C0043C2A1 and here are three of the feedbacks;

  1. Arday – They should speak up o, especially when you are sure the datee has a very dirty past that could damage the other persons future and the datee isn’t ready to open up or be clean. Speak up biko, don’t ever keep silent, save a life
  2. Ayaba – @Arday, you are right. But I would prefer that the ‘dirty past personnel’ should be warned first. We never can tell, the relationship might be genuine and he/she is just afriad to speak up. So at that point you can offer to help, but he or she must be present so it’s actually a confession and an apology time not ofofo. K..#dropsmic
  3. Don’t meddle at all, don’t say a word. Just leave them. The best you can do is pray, because if they turn out to have a great relationship, you’ll be the devil.

What do you think? Should they tell? If yes, how? If no, why?

Have you been in such a situation? What did you do and how did it turn out?

Contribute! Leave a comment below.

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About author


Tolulope Oludapo is a young Christian who lends his voice through the media by sharing practical wisdom for everyday living in the most experiential and simplified fashion. This has fetched him the direct followership of over 30,000 users on his blog, A blog he founded. He loves to write on varying subjects that affect life, faith, relationship...everyday living.
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