The Spouse Checklist

I am used to be one of those people that had a ‘checklist’ for what I wanted in a life partner and was of the opinion that by force by fire, God would grant my desire. And if you didn’t have the criteria on my ‘checklist’, we are not even having a discussion.

What was very bad about this checklist was the metrics on it. Things like he must be a doctor (maybe because it was my childhood ambition) with an afro and thick reading lens, he must play at least the guitar… and must be tall (I am short and I care about my children’s future) and all sort of irrelevant things. Looking back, It’s embarrassing. Thank God for Jesus! and for light from the Word.

Like, I’d watch any of these really good guitar guys and I’d be like, “My father, My father… I know I can not ask for bread and you’d give me stone.. even if he can’t play the guitar, let him know how to play the drums even if it is just small so our family devotion and other extra-curricular family stuff would not be boring…” Or I’d say, “God, I know as I serve you, you’d give me the delight of my heart…

It is such a pity how I used to misinterpret scriptures and use it for my own benefit. I could even manage if you understood music small but couldn’t play any instruments… but if you were one of those that used to sing off-key during worship in church, bruh… don’t even bother! lol

And sadly, this led me to make wrong decisions because my metrics were totally wrong. It was just like I was using a faulty thermometer to take my body temperature and then diagnosing myself and treating myself of an ailment that I didn’t have.

You see, the Bible helps us know that no scripture is to be used for private interpretations (2 Pet 1:20) and we know that for guidance, instruction on how to live our lives (including choosing a life partner), we look to the Word. It is our surest bet (2 Tim 3:16-17). So even in this matter… of a checklist, we look to the Word.

We know that for guidance, instruction on how to live our lives (including choosing a life partner), we look to God's Word. It is our surest bet. Share on X

Firstly, the Bible makes us understand that man is a Spirit. So what you see as looks is not the real deal.

I didn’t get this understanding until a sister of mine described it this way; it is all about content. A man’s container is not half as important as his content. I now would understand why God would say in 1 Sam 16:7, that He looks at the heart rather than on the outside. I had been acting like Prophet Samuel did in his day… looking at the physique or as we would say in this part of the world, the packaging rather than the content.

A man's container is not half as important as his content. Share on X

Marriage is not a child’s play. You’d most likely be married for more years than you were single.. so if you are single now, your married life would be maybe times 2 or times 3 of the years you have lived as it now. So it is a serious something… I always ask myself would looks, or the fact that he plays the guitar stand the test of time when the winds blow.

Now, you are shaking your head… I didn’t think so too. Abi in what way would the fact that he is tall keep him from being unfaithful? Does his skin colour say anything about how he’d treat my family? In fact, if care is not taken, the same guitar that drew you to him would start annoying you seriously. Who knows what I am talking about here? just wave abeg. I can’t be the only one who has towed that path. lol

More seriously, it is the content of a man that would be the anchor when the feelings come and go as they always would.

…Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD…” Proverbs 31:30 (MSG). This applies to both men and women. It takes more than a guitar-playing, fine tall doctor that wears thick lenses to make a marriage work. It’s the content that matters. 

Some of you would need to restructure your checklist like I did. No, don’t trash it. I believe it is key to have in mind guidelines from what the Word of God says else you find yourself in a relationship with just anyone. Anyone can get a boyfriend or girlfriend these days, but as believer, we are to be cautious with our relationships… and very very cautious with our marriage choices.

Conclusively, let me say… some of these containers can even be fixed. Someone can learn to play an instrument or keep his hair… with the right clothes and a little make-up, that sister can be fine-tuned to your taste. But guess what? Content can’t be bought in the market… It’d take God’s grace to change a fellow with negative contents.. and if that grace hasn’t reached him/her by now, why not pray and reach out to that person from afar. Last I checked, you don’t have to date a fellow to preach the gospel.

These days, I see a guitar playing fine tall doctor that wears thick lenses (PS: I have never seen the full combination, so… a combo of at most three), I thank God for his handiwork and move on. If God decides to give me all the things on my former checklist all in one package, haaaa! Who am I to argue with the Lord? I’ll be more than thankful… but I won’t opt for those ‘packages’ over His guidelines (from the Word) and His impression on my heart (my inner witness, leading of His Spirit). It’d be content over container anytime any day. I hope that’s the case with you too.


I’ll like to hear your thought on this topic, kindly leave a comment below.

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