Things We Wish We Knew Before We Got Married – Loveology

At Loveology Summit, organized by Ifeoma Nkem-Gbemudu, author of the critically acclaimed book – “Can I Be Married Already?!”. The convener of the Summit Ifeoma asked 4 married Christian millennial to share things they wish they knew before they got married.

Here is what they wish they knew before they got married?

1. Another human or spouse cannot complete you, so if you are looking for someone to complete you would be disappointed.

Everybody is on their journey of discovering and understanding themselves, so NOBODY can in the real essence of it ‘complete’ you. No one can give you the 100% perfection you need or you think you would need for life. Yes, your partner is supposed to help you, but not complete you. If you need to grow in any area, start working on it while you are single.

Nobody completes you: if you’re looking for the feeling of completeness from another human or spouse, you’ll be disappointed. Share on X

2. You cannot know all about a person just by dating them.

People are constantly evolving, changing and growing. For instance, I use to love dresses at some point now I prefer to be on trousers tomorrow I may prefer shorts this is just a light example but same way people change and a few months or years is never enough to know them completely, therefore, it is important to commit to a life long learning of your partner not holding on to a conclusive opinion of who they are.

It's important to commit to a life long learning of your partner not holding on to a conclusive opinion of who they are. Share on X

3. I wish I better understood what it was for a husband and wife to work as partners in all things.

Marriage is a union of two people becoming one, you and your spouse are a team. Ever seen a team that succeeds without working as a unit? Even the Bible says Can two walk together, except they agree? Amos 3:3. 

4. I did not know that sex was such a big deal for men.

I did not know that sex was such a big deal for men. - Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married Share on X

5. I did not know that marriage was a lot of work.

You have to be intentional about building a successful marriage or making your marriage work. Growth is not magical nor spontaneous, for your marriage to grow, both parties need to be deliberate about it regardless of how long you have been married.

For your marriage to grow, both parties need to be deliberate about it. Share on X

6. Marriage does not change people.

I thought my wife’s Public Display of Affection (PDA) would end after we got married but it hasn’t. In fact, it has increased. So I’m learning to just roll with it even though sometimes I’m a little embarrassed.

Whoever you are (character, psychological and otherwise) before marriage is who you are going to be after marriage. Share on X

7. I wish I knew that having a baby will change our sexual rhythm.

We discovered we’d need to be intentional about the activities we need to engage in on a weekly basis to help maintain a good relationship sexually.

8. I wish someone had advised us to invest part of the money we got as gifts at the wedding.

True, you would probably not be 100% marriage-ready, but you can learn and grow so you can have a very minimal ‘I wish I knew’ when you are married.

P.S. The above is my paraphrased summary of some of the answers the panelists gave to some of the questions asked. You can, however, click HERE to watch the entire event on YouTube. That way you’ll know who said what and more.

We think you will also like to read 31 LESSONS FROM MY 3 MONTHS OF BEING A WIFE by Laju Iren

You need more convincing on why you should read  Can I Be Married Already?! check out this snippet 7 Strategies To Manage Horny Nature As A Christian Single

You can also follow Ifeoma on:

Instagram: @ifeoma_nkem
Twitter: @ifeoma_nkem


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