My mum said, “My son, Papa was a rolling stone, Where ever he laid his hat was his home, and when he died, all he left us was alone”
What kind of father do you want to be?
I strongly feel that this isn’t a question that must be resolved for you by whatever situation/circumstance you find yourself when you finally come to that stage of fatherhood.
Circumstance, situations which are decided by your career, health, financial buoyancy… will tend to impose a type of life, a certain form of response to life, which our family is a major part of it, hence if we leave fatherhood to chance, there is a great chance we won’t be the best Dad our kids will like to have.
The starting phrases are from a popular song, a multiple Grammy award-winning R&B song released way back in 1972, Papa was a rolling stone. Here is the full lyric, more like a story.
It was the third of September
That day I’ll always remember, yes I will
Cause that was the day, that my daddy died
I never got a chance to see him
Never heard nothin’ but bad things about him
Momma I’m depending on you, to tell me the truth
Momma just hung her head and said, son
Is it true what they say that Papa never worked a day, in his life
And Momma, some bad talk goin’ round town sayin’ that Papa had three outside children
And another wife, and that ain’t right
Heard them talking Papa doing some store front preachin’
Talked about saving souls and all the time reaching
Dealing in debt, and stealing in the name of the law
Momma just hung her head and said…
I heard Papa called himself a jack of all trades
Tell me is that what sent Papa to an early grave
Folks say Papa would beg, borrow, steal
To pay his bills
Folks say Papa never was much on thinking
Spent most of his time chasing women and drinking
Momma I’m depending on you, to tell me the truth
Momma looked up with a tear in her eye and said, son…
Papa was a rolling stone, (my son)
Where ever he laid his hat was his home
and when he died, all he left us was alone
What do we want our kids to say about us? What’s happening all around us today should be a good lesson, not everyone has something good to say about their dad, today is a remembrance of bitter memories for some, more of the reasons we should be intentional, decide now and work towards the kind of father’s we want to be.
This is not a post of Dos and Donts, but a call to think and decide for ourselves how the thought of being a better father; one our children deserve and will be proud of should better inform our choices, our life and actions from now.
I spoke with some friends whose fathers were never (or not always) home, and here is what they will like to say to us. To the ladies reading, let this post, and the comments that follow help you decide what you should be truly looking for in a man asides the height and complexion, attributes that helps no one.
- To the future fathers No matter what happens, never ever let your children feel they don’t have you in their lives especially while you’re still alive. Neglecting them even when they ask/beg for ur love, care, attention and provision would leave a scar in their hearts that if u don’t change ur ways, u’l wake up one day and realise, ur kids now only see u as a man with the title ‘dad but not their DAD.
Share time with them and your wife, even when things are rough and tough, still find a way to show them that you care. Don’t wait to get all d millions and billions in d world b4 showing u care because they’ll keep hurting and one day not even the millions you’ve acquired will bring them to be happy with you or want you to be in their lives cos it won’t matter anymore.
Above all, constantly ask God for help and guidance in every step…
- This is the summary; Fathers should become men, Real men. Come out of their closets and take up their responsibility of leading their homes.
Most men mistaken having biological children as being fathers.
- My advice for future dads is to be Faithful to their wives, be so close to God. God first in everything.
Take care of their families, be so close to their kids. Know what’s up wf their kids; their kids should be able to confide in them, tell them intimates things.
Then don’t involve third parties in your family.
- Well, what I will say is av seen d importance of being a good father, I didn’t av mine to stick around for very long time. But when I see other pple and how they react with their dads makes me think bout mine, some pple av fantastic things to say bout their dad’s, some don’t cause their fathers have not built a good relationship between them, So they should be d father dey can be while they have d chance to, Family is important . Be d hero’s for d guys and be d gentle man for d girls. Do things that would make their children profit from now.
- To the future father of my children; Fear and love God…cos when a man fears God, he can’t cheat, just like Joseph…basically, have the fear of God cos it covers a lot.
I bet they have so much more to say, but we can understand the reason for their brevity.
To all our future fathers, We owe our kids the best father, otherwise, don’t bring any kid to the world, focus on the other aspect of life that matters to you.
Being a father is not marchioness or a huge bank account, it is an attribute that we must build on itself and we will achieve it by being intentional about it; working on ourselves constantly.
We must decide not to be a Rolling Stone, busy with everything except the ones that really matter. We must BE PRESENT.
Thanks for reading, what will you like to say to every future father? Kindly share as a comment below. Thanks
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Lovely post Tee. Yesterday, I was just thinking about my father – all his attributes and character, and I became very grateful to God for the earthly father he gave me. Really, it’s a privilege. Then I just thought to myself, saying that ‘by God’s grace, my children, when I have them would also be EXTREMELY grateful to God for the kind of father (me) God gave to them’ – because I’ll apply what I’ve learnt from mine, his rights and wrongs.
Truth is, (to the guys) the decision to be a great/successful father starts today! It’s not till your wife puts to bed you decide to be one. Read books, learn from other people’s experiences, WRITE out your own plans on how you’ll train up your child now and build your home (God involved of course). I tell you, there’s no way you won’t emerge the father your kids are proud of in years to come!
Nice post bro… good advice for the future dad…For us who still have good fathers, we should take time to evaluate their impact in our lives and sincerely appreciate their efforts…being a father is one of the most unappreciated roles, everyone takes ur duties as normal.
Hmm…true Til, that’s a beautiful observation, and for those who don’t have their father around, i’m sure that there will be someone who stood in that role, mothers, guardian, family relative, they deserve our appreciation.
Thanks for sharing Till
Quite a blessing I must add.
Amen…glad to know that the post was a blessing and that you found it inspiring.
How many of us has this happened to?. Your Dad makes a mistake and you tell yourselves that you would never make such a mistake,Or you’ll never do such to your kid. We are subconsciously setting our Dad’s as the standard for fatherhood. No matter How Great your Dad is,there’s No greater father than God. Your Dad learnt being a father on the job,He wasn’t 10 years experienced before he had some of us(first borns ). So therefore in preparation to being a father,pray for grace and look to books and most especially the Word How the most experienced father of all time did It(God) and I believe we will be the best fathers to our future homes.
A Teacher once asked her students to write an essay on what they would want God to change them into should the opportunity arise, and state why they chose that. She took the essays home to read and grade and when she read a particular one she began to cry. Her Husband arrived and asked why she was crying, she explained the assignment to him and handed the particular essay to him to read:
“Dear God,I’ll like you to make me a Television. That way I can be placed in the center of the sitting room and perhaps in each of the other rooms too. I would get all the attention in the world in so much that I am the first thing the Father of the house would turn on the moment he arrives, no matter how tired he is, he would still stay and spend time with me. Before, during and after meals the whole family will gather to watch and listen to me no matter how boring what I am showing is.Even the Mother of the house would set alarms to remind her of her TV series she wouldnt dare miss to watch and listen to.They would all sometimes watch and listen to me till they sleep off and I am sometimes what they turn on and tune in to 1st thing in the mornings. So Lord please make me a Television and ensure to send me back to this family.”
The Husband was appalled and felt pity for the student who wrote the essay, “Poor Child, what horrible parents he had, hope they get to read this too”, he said
“They just did”, the Teacher replied,”that is our Son’s essay”, she added amidst her tears.