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HOOKER AND HOOKEE

9

This topic was a major focus of an episode of my best all time comedy series, “How I met your mother“.

Putting someone on the hook is something we must have all done at a time or the other and I bet, except you are married or strongly engaged (even though still not guaranteed with this), you are either on someone’s hook, making you the Hookee or you have someone on your hook, making you the Hooker.

“I like you so much, but I don’t think anything can work out between us NOW”
OR
“I like you so much…but I’m not just ready for a serious commitment NOW”

“NOW”…that is the keyword.

We can’t date everyone we like or that likes us, but at the same time we don’t want to let them (him/her) go. Most of the time it’s either of these two reasons.

  • INSURANCE/FUTURE SECURITY

Here, the Hooker can’t entertain the thought of starting from scratch if the relationship he/she is in now fails. The process of getting to like someone new or getting someone to like you, finding the person with the qualities. Maybe you have doubts about your present relationship or it’s struggling, even though you are committed to make it work, you see the Idea of keeping someone (the Hookee) around, so you can have a perfect rebound relationship.

Or, you are still dating; no serious commitment yet, you have come to get fond of each other, but he/she lacks one of the traits, or qualities; a major one, that you seek to have in your ideal partner, so you decided to just keep her around, while you are still all over scouting hoping to find a better a better match before you let her off the hook.

  • YOU ENJOY HIS OR HER COMPANY

In this case, you might be in a committed relationship or very single. But you have come to like the company of this fellow (the hookee), for whatever reason. She probably cooks well, gives a nice massage, meets your physical needs. He has a ride, so you spend less on transportation, he’s boxed up and makes a boost of your purse with regular allowance and flashy gifts. Or it might just be that he/she is able to listen well anytime you need an ear, a shoulder to fall on. And you know fully well that letting him/her off the hook automatically ends whatever the benefit you enjoy from them.

You know you are on the hook if someone has ever used any of the …”Now” excuses to avoid a serious commitment with you, while still not wanting you go in search of your prospective partner somewhere else, still wanting to keep you around. Or does he or she after “using you” gives reasons you both can’t work out, but still returns for more? Then you are on the hook, my friend. You better check you “Hookee status“.

In my opinion; I feel it’s totally unfair on the hookee. You leave him or her waiting, thinking something meaningful will result from what you have, but you know right within that you don’t have any immediate plan/need for the person, but you are merely using them for what they have to offer, while making them think they are investing in what will turn out to be a relationship between you both.

The “Hooking” case is different from the “Friend-zone”. The friend-zone rules out the possibility of a relationship and makes it obvious in a way of not making the person expect too much, but “Hooking” does the opposite, deceives you to think that you’re on a part of a happy ending not knowing that you are alone on the ride to nowhere.

Why make them wait for what is not coming? Why make them wade off all possible suitors thinking they have gotten to the end of their search?

One thing you must know is that, while you have someone on your hook, someone has you on his/her hook. Put yourself in her shoes, spending her limited earning, cooking for you. It might not be a financial sacrifice, time, even the chance of meeting the right person for them thinking they’ve found you. You definitely don’t want that for yourself, why do it to others?

Let go of this wicked act, let go, you won’t die even after the benefit from him/her/them stops flowing in. Let him/her/them off your hook.

And for those who have put themselves on the hook, wake up to reality. You deserve to be a man’s or lady’s no 1, stop settling down for the less than the best, if you don’t let go of what you have, you will never attain the much better you could have attained.

Let us declare this week for the lifegiva family, a “letting off the hook week”. Let that person off your hook and you might just be starting a chain reaction to letting yourself off the hook.

Do you have someone you’ll like to let off the hook? Send them the link to this post and add the message “I am sorry

On behalf of all those that got this post with the “I am sorry” tag, I hope you find a place in your heart to forgive, being fully aware of what you might have lost which I am sure is definitely irrevocable. It takes a lot of courage to let go, and I feel it is commendable.

* * *

Thank you for reading, I’ll be waiting to see your comment. Do remember to subscribe with your email so as to get every post directly in your email box. 

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9 Comments

  1. Hmm, very key and timely, there are so many young people falling victim of this, God bless you Tolu.

  2. Hmmmm…I guess I needed this. Been trying to get myself off the hook for a while now and i keep getting trapped, It’s really time to let go. Nice post

  3. not a hookee, thank God
    not a hooker
    I am a child of God.
    Visit http://www.udookonjo.com for training.

  4. Sometimes we can’t help who we are, sometimes we can’t help who we love, sometimes we need people not because we have selfish needs but because we need them to be a better person, we need them to be stable. It may sound like they are been used, but whatever happened to liquid love? Its the labels we attach that sometimes brings the complexities we experience.

  5. I don’t think anybody is excluded, but can one be totally free from the hook (hooker and hookee)???

  6. Nice and timely. Givin ursef more self worth and value. Get off d hook..

  7. I’m familiar with the series How I Met Your Mother, and how this analogy was used there. But in a more explanatory approach, what you described above is simply the friendzone.

  8. I share the same view with Kharis,most times,we don’t teach our heart who or who not to fall in love with. We are different individuals with varying strengths and weaknesses. For those who are out to fiddle with other peeps’ heart,that’s mean but for those who are victims of their own weakness,God help us all. Nice piece tho.

  9. Can we seriously blame the hooker alone? Because even the hookee gets something from the relationship,if not materially,then emotionally at least as well as the fantasy that the guy/babe will soon be mine.
    We get hooked or puts someone on the hook most times because we want to be satisfied emotionally and want the person to make up for what we think we deserve but not getting somewhere. My point is,if you are in a relationship,don’t get hooked with someone else by being emotionally faithful to your partner and if you are not,don’t be blindfolded recognise the signs early and refuse to be on the hook,define all relationships from the scratch and if you are on the hook,deliberately talk about it amd make it open because we are more valuable than being a lady/guy’s second thought.

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