In This Year, I Shall Not Be Zoned!

May all the single brothers and sisters (brothers especially :)) shout say a big Amennnnn!
Amennn! Don’t bother, I have already said it on your behalf. For those wondering what zoning means, zoning is putting an obviously interested brother in any other zone than the zone he ought or wants to be – the husband or husband-to-be zone. Examples of such zones include: brother zone, son zone, mentor zone, pastor zone (this one is the most painful to me), accountability partner zone, cousin zone and the list is endless (lifted from Dear Single Sisters)

Many people especially singles must have done a lot concerning this on their list of new year resolutions. But a lot of times, it really just seems like history repeats itself. As you set out to have a year with healthier relationships, I hope this blesses you:

Okay, some days ago I came across a tweet. It was basically about a young man that was close friends with a young woman he liked. Although he never did get to tell her how he felt and then one day she asks him to help call her boyfriend and tell him to come online as she wanted to chat with him. This fellow took to Twitter wondering the kind of zone he had fallen into. I had a good laugh, a very good one.

But maybe I wouldn’t have had such a laugh if he was a brother. These things may go unattended to in the world but as funny as the concept of zoning is, I do not think it is an appropriate concept to thrive in the Church of God. This is because it comes with a lot of other issues like unhealthy competition and strife.

Some people also feel cheated or deceived in the long run because at the very centre of zoning lies deception. Especially on the part of the zoner (the person who does the zoning)… Take, for example, a sister who knows she is uninterested in dating a brother. Yet she sticks to get all the benefits, leaving the brother with hopes. So when it is time for you to pick something late at night, its that brother you’d call or when you need another form of emergency support. The downside of this is having the brother hope in your case only to zone him and leave him even more confused.

Ever notice how people never take people who zone others out serious? Even though you may be jokingly doing so, you may even be blocking the one who is indeed supposed to partner with you on the journey of life. Hence there is need to be cautious and not get carried away with the fact that it is a ‘joking sturv’.

This is a very common trend in today’s world hence my initial new year prayer for Y’all. Not until you wear the shoes of one who has been zoned do you really get it? In steering clear of these aforementioned zones and others that I may not even know about. It is not in shouting a big amen alone. Or in typing IJN (In Jesus’ Name) as most people would do. It is in ensuring that all the relationships (especially boy-girl relationships) you engage in this year are clearly defined.

If you notice a brother or sister coming so close and there is no definition as to what the relationship is about, ask questions! NO one would flog you Share on X

In fact, you’d be saving yourself and the other person undue heartaches.

So, if you notice any such fellow, you can just call him/her aside and ask graciously… “I noticed that if I yawn, you also yawn and that spells of serious mirroring… I’d like to know what you stake is in this relationship. Would you like to be a friend or do you seek a partner? Do you want a playmate or is it just boredom?

By the time you are done with that conversation, here is what would happen. You’d know if this is someone you can keep around. Or someone you would have to watch closely or someone who would have to discontinue closeness with. For example, if the fellow seeks for a relationship leading to marriage and you are not interested, you can spell out things clearly and that friendship can still be preserved with both parties clear-headed.

I am not saying that you start questioning everybody that greets you after church service. You know all those people sha… those are the ones I am talking about.

Above all, trust God’s Spirit for leading and be highly sensitive to promptings…

Pay attention to the relationships you engage in this year and well henceforth. So that you don’t end up placing a sister in an unknown zone when you were meant to be a mentor and spur her unto maturity.


Check out these other great articles:

Dear Single Sisters

Dear Single Brother

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