Right Guy. Right Time, Then What?!

Right guy. Right time, then what?! After you’re finally ready and meet the perfect guy, then what?

Let me begin with this, I discovered recently that I’m quite passionate about relationships, both romantic & platonic. Frankly, it’s because I’ve come to understand the power of influence, be it positive or negative.

I must confess, I’m that friend that will pray for you to break up with that boyfriend that’s not good for you. Yes, I’m that voice shouting, “shatter, shatter that relationship in Jesus’ name!“. I’m that friend that gets paranoid too when my friends meet a new guy that I don’t know. It’s creepy I know, but forgive me, it’s from a good place. I promise. How is it said? It’s the thought that counts.

So like Apostle Paul, I may not have much experience but I believe that I have a thing or two to say when the topic of relationships come up.
Let’s just say experience isn’t our teacher here, he’s absent for today but gimme a chance, you just might learn something.

Generally, human beings crave companionship and trust me, it’s not a bad thing. No man is an island, I mean interactions are the spice of life. So, I don’t judge whenever I see a believer itching to be in relationships, especially the right kind, that edifies you, that spurs you to good works, that makes you a better daughter, a better son, a better friend, a better student, a better person as a whole. That kind makes me grin from ear to ear.

Now, imagine that you have most things figured out in your life to a certain extent, you have a good grip on your spiritual growth, you’re living your best life the way you know how (scratch that, the way that pleases God) and then you meet this awesome Christian person, that’s fervent, focused & f…., and you two just click! You become great friends, start getting to know each other then gbam! He asks you out or you ask her out and of course, without batting an eyelid, you/she says yes. (Please dear, let’s not talk about what happens when she says no. That’s for another day/year). I mean, talk about perfect timing, and just your right kind of guy. Match made in heaven!

So you two are in a relationship, you can finally call Bae when traffic is heavy, you finally have someone to send those bomb selfies to asides from your girls, you finally have someone to mindlessly support Arsenal F.C without having a clue how hopeless they are. Yeah, jackpot!
Trust me, I’m really happy for you.

But here’s something I’ve realised in my short life on earth. Funny enough, it’s something that’s not really emphasised in the world we live in, but I believe that it’s something that should be addressed.

As Christians, we enter into marriage minded relationships, right? Right? Riiiiiiiiight? So, we don’t just see how it goes, we know the end plan is to be joined together as husband & wife, one flesh, mirroring the union between Christ and the church.

This means that marriage is God’s idea. And if that’s the case, which it is, then it means that dating is as well, since it’s a dress rehearsal for marriage. Therefore, it means that there is a right way to go about it.

Let’s examine this scenario, you go to the market and buy all the necessary ingredients for you to cook vegetable soup for your mum, for example. If you don’t put the ingredients in their right proportions, you’d make soup for sure but it won’t be as delicious as your mum desires (if it’s edible at all).

This is what I’m saying, having the right guy at the right time isn’t good enough, it must be done the right way. Otherwise, if you do the wrong things, you might justify it with the fact that you’re in the relationship. But be not deceived, stealing is still stealing, even if you’re doing it in the church. The wrong is still wrong even if you doing it at the right time, in the right place & with the right person.

Flowing from this, here are a few ways to help you do the right things while being in the right relationship with the right person.

– Recognise that being in a good Relationship is a gift.

Yup. I said it. Na dash dem dash you! Being able to share yourself with someone that’s good for you in all aspects issa gift! Just like it’s not something you can’t get because of your horrible past, it’s also not something you’re entitled to because you’re such a great Christian, or because you’re so fine, or even because you’re ready/prepared.

Like salvation, you’re in that relationship by grace, it’s not of yourself or your works. It’s a gift from God & that person, so you cannot boast. And just like salvation, a good relationship, one with the right person bestows on you a responsibility to do things the right way. Remind yourself of how undeserving you are to have this person in your corner, that way, it becomes easier to walk in accordance with your nature in Christ, such that you effortlessly display the characteristics of your regenerated spirit.

– Be on the same (right) page!

I can not stress this enough. This great person you’ve met and currently dating might not agree with you on everything and really he/she doesn’t have to. But in the things that jointly affect both of you, please be on the same, right page. This helps so that no one is sabotaging the relationship, consciously or unconsciously. Please, set ground rules & agree on them together! Fight on the same team otherwise, you’d be fighting each other.

– Be accountable.

Where the world says, “three’s a crowd!” Or “let’s leave them to have alone time“. Please turn the other way o. Surround yourself with people that are interested in the progress & joy of your relationship & walk with God. People who are willing to hang out with you & Bae, and not leave you alone in a corner to fan the flames of your flesh. They might not always be physically present but there must be people that you and bae communicate with that know about and are in support of your journey to fulfill purpose together. I’m not saying have a public relationship, please don’t get me wrong. That may not be to your taste, but at the end of the day, so, so and so friend, must always know what’s up.

– Set boundaries.

With this comes the unspoken rule that actions are greater than words. As much as it is so important to set boundaries, it is importanter to respect the boundaries already set. Not just sexual boundaries though, but other boundaries, like a curfew for outings, times of personal consecration where you spend extra hours praying/doing bible study & less time talking, financial boundaries sef if that’s what rocks your boat. These really help to command your desires to be in line with the things of God & not your feelings.

With this comes the unspoken rule that actions are greater than words. As much as it is so important to set boundaries, it is importanter to respect the boundaries already set. Click To Tweet

Please and please, don’t get this twisted. This isn’t another sets of dos & don’ts to adhere to. In my opinion, it’s a set of helpful tips & a general reminder that we are not living for ourselves. God died our death so we can love his life & live it in full. We are not slaves to our desires & feelings but we are committed & delighted to do God’s will. And his will is that we walk in the spirit so that we will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.

Yeah, you might fall short sometimes (body no be firewood) but with these structures deliberately put in place, you’ll dust yourself & get back up again.

And for the person that hasn’t found Mr Right or Miss Right. Kindly, exercise patience. I know, I know, you always hear this but it actually cannot be overemphasised. Don’t wait like a dress in a boutique waiting to be picked, but improve yourself spiritually and in other natural aspects of your life. Make new friends, grow your business, learn a skill etc. But if you don’t exercise patience now, it’d be really difficult to do it when you finally get into a relationship.

In all these be deliberate, be intentional, make each other better, have fun & ultimately, fulfill purpose.

Written by Deborah Oguike

Also written by Deborah: There Is Something About Prayer